Sports

Breaking News: Tom Brady, Gisele Marriage On The Rocks After She Makes Him Scrub Toilets At 6 AM

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Source – Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady looked like the perfect couple in Brazil for the World Cup, but Star has learned that behind closed doors, things between the power duo are nowhere near as happy as they seem. According to insiders, Gisele is supercontrolling with Tom and has final say on everything from how their home is decorated to exactly how and where their children are raised. Since the kids are too young to help out around the house, Gisele has enforced a strict chore schedule that their dad must stick to. “They have housekeepers, but Gisele won’t let them do anything. She makes Tom get up at 6 am with the kids and then has him scrub the toilets and clean the floors while she sleeps in. She thinks that because she gave birth, her work is done… She throws an insane temper tantrum when things don’t go her way. One time, Tom didn’t do one of the chores on his list, and she berated him – even telling him that he’s a terrible role model for their children. But instead of doing what she wanted, he just took the kids and left the house. Gisele was shocked.”

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Couple thoughts on this story. First of all, whoever wrote this is most likely a disgruntled Patriots fan who thinks Giselle is the reason we haven’t won a Super Bowl in ten years. I mean, this person is obviously trying to make Giselle seem like some sort of pscyho-wife who is ruining Brady’s self esteem and causing him to lose sleep before big games.

The story says she “throws an insane temper tantrum when things don’t go her way.” Ummmm yea. This is called marriage. Then it says she “berated him – even telling him that he’s a terrible role model for their children.” No way!!! She got in a fight with him and used hyperbole to try to win an argument?? Well that’s never happened in a marriage before.

Look, this is probably based on some truth. How do I know? Because I’m married. You think Mrs. Turtleboy doesn’t boss me around? You think I have any sort of say whatsoever in how the house is decorated? There used to be so much cool shit on my walls – Seinfeld posters, Guinness posters, Patriots posters, etc. Now what do we have? Small square mirrors that were not designed to look at yourself in. Which is odd, because that is what mirrors are used for.

Or how bout the bathroom? Before Mrs. Turtleboy came around the bathroom used to  just have magazines on top of the toilet. Now what we have is this giant behemoth of rack, which holds magazines, decorative towels (which are not to be used because they are “decorative”) and air freshener for the post dumps. The problem is that now when I’m on the throne I can’t sit back in my seat as the racks push out further than the back of the toilet. Instead I’m writing this hunched over like an idiot and my back kills.

But ya know what? That’s just how shit goes. This is what happens when you’re married. So why the fuck is this even a story for Tom Brady? They think this is news that Tom Brady has to wake up early and clean the bath tub? What do you think happens when I stumble home from the Blarney and completely miss the toilet, or pee in the bathtub? Who do you think ends up being woken up at 7 AM and is forced to scrub it down? THIS GUY!!

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The point of this article was to make Giselle look like a beyoch and make him look like some sort of oppressed man-hero who’s about to lose his shit. I’m sure it’s partly true because all married men go through this to some extent. But yea, no woman says, “I gave birth, so I’ve done my part. Now scrub the toilet while I sleep in asshole.” I don’t know Giselle but I’m willing to bet she did not actually do this.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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4 Comment(s)
  • Joey G
    July 23, 2014 at 10:05 am

    I really wish he would go back to that actress he was dating before… back when he used to win Super Bowls. I agree with the disgruntled Patriots fan that it is all this Brazilian mail order bride’s fault.

  • Mike Guyette
    July 22, 2014 at 6:18 am

    I’m not married but have kids with and live with my bitch err… lovely fiancée. She can try all she wants to force me to do shit; but it’s like the more she demands, the less I actually do. This does not at all reduce the bitchiness but I really get no say in decoration. I fought tooth and nail for my couch.. It’s on the porch. It’s the way of the world people

  • BEETLE
    July 21, 2014 at 6:56 pm

    You ripped this directly off from Felger and Mazz today!

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