Social Justice Warriors

Bruce Jenner Isn’t a Hero And You’re Not A Bigot For Thinking A Penis Makes You A Man

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We haven’t chimed in on the Bruce Jenner coming out part in Vanity Fair yet, because quite frankly it’s a stupid story that’s none of our business.


But of course anyone who’s been on Facebook in the last 24 hours has had no choice but hear everyone’s take on it. Nevertheless, we didn’t want to chime in on such a divisive topic because we undertand that this is the type of issue that divides turtle riders. I think we’ve reached the point though where you can completely disagree with a blog we write and still agree with a lot of the others. So we’re gonna tackle this one today.

I want to learn about this whole transgender thing. I really do. But you don’t get anywhere by calling someone a bigot because they don’t understand something. If you have scientific evidence, rather than emotions and name-calling, then I’m all ears. But unfortunately people like me aren’t given the ability to learn, because we’re told that we’re bigots for not instinctively understanding that Bruce Jenner can have a penis and still be a women. Apparently this is common sense now.


However, we do believe in free speech and the unlimited use of satire, which is why this picture right here forced us to chime in:


I don’t give a shit. That’s funny. And anyone who doesn’t think it’s funny probably isn’t very fun to hang out with. I saw that it was shared by a Facebook friend, which led to a stern talking to from the Facebook SJW patrol:

Screen Shot 2015-06-02 at 8.38.09 PM

OK then. Because we were all wondering what you thought was funny and what subjects could not be satirized. Thanks for chiming in.

This is what got me fired up enough to blog about this topic. You can believe whatever you want to believe, I really don’t care. But don’t try to tell people what they can and can’t joke about. Because it will only make me want to joke about it more.

I want to learn about transgenderism. I really do. It’s kind of fascinating to be honest. But you don’t get anywhere by calling someone a bigot because they don’t understand something. If you have scientific evidence, rather than emotions and name-calling, then I’m all ears. But unfortunately people like me aren’t given the ability to learn, because we’re told that we’re bigots for not instinctively understanding.

Look, all this shit about Bruce Jenner being a hero is laughable. There is nothing heroic about this whatsoever. He’s a 65 year old millionaire who got some plastic surgery and told the world he’s a woman. He obviously loves attention as he had no problem marrying into the antichrist family and signing up to do a reality TV show. Looking for attention is what Bruce Jenner does, so there’s nothing heroic about that.


On top of that, it’s kind of bullshit in my opinion that you get to skip all the hard parts about being a woman and then enjoy the fruits of menopause. He never had to be pregnant for nine months or give birth. He never had to deal with PMS. He didn’t have to wear a bra to work every day of his life. He never had to wait in line at the Blarney to use the girl’s bathroom. Nope. He just enjoyed the benefits of being a man his whole life and then – boom – he’s a woman. Because he said so and he has millions of dollars at his disposal to get plastic surgery. Call it what you want, but it sure as shit ain’t “brave.”

One thing I’ve noticed in regards to this whole thing is that women clearly are more supportive of Bruce Jenner than men are. Mrs. Turtleboy and I do not see eye to eye on this issue. But there certainly are plenty of dudes who are jumping on the “Bruce is brave” bandwagon.

But here’s a question for any straight dude out there. Would you marry a “girl” who transitioned from being a boy? If you saw a hot girl at the bar, started talking to her, and then she told you that she used to be a dude, would you still try to lure her back to your apartment with tall tales of an imaginary “after-party?” Because if you’re buying into all this stuff, and you would have a problem hooking up with a girl with an Adam’s apple, then you’re a fraud. According to the SJW logic, Jim Carey must be transphobic for his reaction to finding out that he thought Ray Finkle was hot:

Clearly whoever wrote this script is transphobic. Ace Ventura’s character should’ve embraed his man love for Einhorn instead of starting a dumpster fire in his bathroom.

My biggest problem with all this is how you’re only allowed to feel one way about it. That’s a problem I have with any issue. I saw a controversial take on this on the Facebook machine today from The Blaze. It was an article that conservative blogger Matt Walsh entitled, “Calling Bruce Jenner a Woman is an Insult to Women.” 

A lot of you are probably familiar with Matt Walsh, as in the last two years since he started his blog from scratch, he’s acquired over 250,000 followers on Facebook. A lot of times I don’t agree with him, like last year when he wrote a really stupid article about Robin Williams commiting suicide. Although I didn’t agree with many things he wrote in this piece, I respected it because he wasn’t afraid to say something that went against the grain. Here’s some comments people have left on his page:

Screen Shot 2015-06-02 at 9.24.06 PM Screen Shot 2015-06-02 at 9.23.07 PM Screen Shot 2015-06-02 at 9.17.28 PMScreen Shot 2015-06-02 at 9.15.18 PM Screen Shot 2015-06-02 at 9.12.12 PM Screen Shot 2015-06-02 at 8.58.47 PM Screen Shot 2015-06-02 at 8.53.03 PM Screen Shot 2015-06-02 at 8.50.46 PM

See all those comments? I’m inclined to back up Matt Walsh on this one simply because not one of these Social Justice Warriors listed a single piece of evidence to refute a word he said. They just used words like “hateful,” “closed-mindedness,” “hate and vitriol,” “bigot,” “fear mongerer,” “compassionless,”asshole,” “lunatic,”   and of course “transphobic” to silence him.

LOL. When in doubt, just strap “phobic” onto any word and you’re a deputized SJW. For the record a phobia is an irrational fear of something. And as we established earlier, ANY normal straight male out there cringes at the thought of waking up next to a girl who was born with a penis. There’s nothing irrational about getting grossed out by that and reacting like Jim Carrey did.

And I’m sorry, is it really THAT unreasonable to think a dude who was born with a penis is in fact a dude? When did calling a boy a boy become a bigoted thing? I don’t have a problem with anyone who is buying into the transgender thing. But I have a HUGE problem with the fact that it’s so alarming when people don’t nod their head and say, “Yup, that was an accidental penis. Science was wasted on the day that girl was born.”

Here’s another thing I don’t like about all this stuff. They’ve hitched their wagon onto the gay rights movement. It used to be LBG, then they tossed on the T at the end of it and hoped no one would notice. LBGT does have a nice ring to it, I’ll admit that.

But what does the T have in common with the G? If you are gay, it defines your sexual preference. You can prove that you’re gay by……well, you know. But how do you prove you’re transgender. The big issue is obviously the locker room/bathroom thing. If a dude “transitioning” to a woman still has a dinky-doodle, should he be allowed to get buck naked and walk around the women’s locker room?

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Careful how you answer that question, because there’s only one acceptable answer for the SJW’s – Yes. But how do you prove you’re transitioning? What’s to stop Turtleboy from walking into the women’s locker room at Planet Fitness, taking off all his clothes, and unleashing a monster smash in the stall of his choice? Do I have to get some sort of ID card, or register with the government to prove that I’m not just an asshole trying to see naked chicks?

The SJW crowd will tell you that this is ridiculous. No one would ever do that. It will never happen. Every time I hear them say that I wanna laugh. Trust me, dudes WILL do that. If you don’t think they will, they you don’t know dudes. There is nothing they won’t do to see naked chicks. Nothing.

High school Turtleboy would’ve done it on a daily basis because the dumping thrones in the South High boy’s room were completely out of the question. I took a total of two dumps my entire four years in high school. All I can remember about being at South High was how sick I felt from holding in government Rib-a-Q sandwich smashes.

So I guess my question is, how is this going to work? Do you declare on entering that you’re “transitioning?” What if you just feel like a woman as Bruce Jenner has his entire life, but you haven’t worked up the stones to go through with the transition yet? Aren’t you being excluded?


Here’s another thing. Bruce Jenner won the Gold Medal at the 1976 Olympics for the Decathlon, an event that is exclusively for men. But wasn’t he a woman this whole time according to SJW’s? Doesn’t that make him a cheater? Who won the silver medal that year? Shouldn’t they get his gold medal now? Shouldn’t America have draft picks taken away from them?

It also makes me think, what if Bruce Jenner did his transition in 1975 instead of 2015? Had he done so, and were people as progressive back then as they are now, he would’ve been eligible for the Heptathlon, the women’s version of the decath. If he won the gold for men, imagine what he would’ve done with a shotput that weighed four pounds less, hurdles that were closer together and shorter, and opponents who couldn’t physically come close to matching his running times or jumping distances.

Sure, that scenario didn’t play out. But it will in the future now that the precedent has been set. A dude will “transition” before participating as a female in an Olympic event. Bruce Jenner might think that he’s a woman trapped in a man’s body, but the fact of the matter is that he’s still in a man’s body, no matter how he “feels.” He has stronger legs, faster twitch muscles, broader shoulders, a stronger upper body, and of course testosterone. How’d you like to be the greatest female athlete in the world, train your ass off your whole life, and then have your dreams crushed by a woman with a penis? Once again, it hasn’t happened yet. But it will. It always does.

The last thing I want to clear up is this:

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I see this one a lot. Gender isn’t sex. Here’s my question then – why are we assigned a gender at birth? Why do we say, “It’s a boy,” if they haven’t told us they’re a boy yet? Because if transgender is a real thing, then it seems pretty fucked up and discriminatory to tell kids from birth what gender they are. Shouldn’t every kid have a reveal party where they tell the world what gender they are? Before you tell me how far-fetched this is, let me just point out to you that Canada is on the verge of doing away with identifying genders on birth certificates.

Look, Bruce Jenner is a person, and I feel for him. He is obviously experiencing feelings and emotions that I can never relate to. For that I have compassion for him and wish him the best. It’s not OK to call him a freak or say he should be taken out back and shot. He’s a human being and deserves a basic level of dignity. I have an open mind on this issue, and if you can convinve me that I’m wrong without calling me a bigot, then I’m all ears. But just don’t police the Internet and tell me what jokes I can’t think are funny.

Well those are this Turtleboy’s thoughts. If you don’t like it, oh well. We can still be friends. Not everyone is going to agree on every topic, and this is just how I and millions of other people feel about this topic. It doesn’t make us bigoted, or hateful, or close-minded. It make us curious and confused. So yes, you are free to disagree with me. But don’t call me a bigot just because I think a person with a penis is automatically a dude.

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33 Comment(s)
  • July 9, 2015 at 8:33 am

    I agree with turtle boy, it’s perfectly fine that Bruce Jenner thinks he is a woman, it’s just fine that he used his fortune to further feed this fantasy, and it’s fine that people are loving that. What isn’t fine is how those that do love it and think it’s wonderful attack those who are confused by it, think it’s a crock of bs, or are simply indifferent. It is my right to disagree, which I do. I have met real heroes, people who have sacrificed life, limb, and even fortune in one case, for the benefit of OTHERS. Bruce did what Bruce did for BRUCE. No one else. I’m not slamming Bruce, I’m not hating him or his supporters, I’m merely saying that just as he has a right to say he is a she, I have a right to say “no you aren’t.”

  • Olympics
    June 6, 2015 at 11:18 am

    Just talking about your concerns for transgender athletes competing during the Olympics. The IOC has strict guidelines concerning transgender athletes and so it would be impossible to just transition from a man to a woman three months before an event and be able to compete. In order for transgender people to competed they must have sec change surgery and be on hormonal therapy for at least two years before they are allowed to compete in an event. So for a man transitioning into a woman, they must take hormonal therapy to reduce their testosterone levels and increase estrogen level. Transgender individuals who don’t get sec reassignment surgery still go through hormonal therapy most of the time.

  • COB Fan
    June 3, 2015 at 10:38 pm

    I believe that part of the transitional surgical procedure was to avail the ability to do a sort of reverse bend-over kind of thing so he/she can tongue-punch his/her own fart box. After all he was an Olympic star athlete. And so at the same time the rest of family would have a normal dinner at the dinner table but they would only hear weird slurping sounds from where Caitlyn is sitting. When asked about when he would rejoin his family by his family for, like, a real meal, Caitlyn may utter that the size and challenge of such an enormous fart box is in fact time consuming?, Modern medicine is so…. good at times and fucked up at times.

    • Devils Mouthpiece
      June 4, 2015 at 12:47 pm

      There’s a visual I could have lived without. :-0

      • BobnMic
        June 4, 2015 at 1:59 pm

        That is so twisted. But… 😀 😀 😀

        • Devils Mouthpiece
          June 5, 2015 at 3:36 pm

          Seriously, I still laughed…

  • Sam Burnside
    June 3, 2015 at 5:16 pm

    Has anyone heard if she plans on going with guys or girls?

    • Rena
      June 4, 2015 at 1:28 pm

      If this is a genuine question, transgender peeps usually remain attracted to the same sex they were attracted to prior to changing identity/anatomy/etc. But what’s confusing is that technically their orientation would change once their gender does. For example, let’s assume BRUCE Jenner was straight (since he’s married to a woman) and that would make CAITLYN Jenner a lesbian, still being attracted to women. Yup.

  • BJeezy
    June 3, 2015 at 1:58 pm

    Ask yourself this: would you lop your dick off on purpose and start going around wearing dresses, becoming part of a group that has SUBSTANTIALLY higher rates of violent crime victimization and suicide? My answer is hell no, so anyone who does it is, in my book, brave for having done it. Hero? No. I also think Caitlin Jenner and the whole Kardashian industrial complex is the absolute worst thing in America. Of all trans people coming out, he’s probably the least brave since he has a massive safety net and is going to make a fuckload of money off of it. Some kid born to hyper-religious parents with no way out transitioning? That’s pretty fucking brave. Heroic? No, but brave for sure. Simply put, everyone would take the easy road if it for the bill, and being not trans is DEFINITELY the easy road.

    • Devils Mouthpiece
      June 3, 2015 at 5:27 pm

      BJeezy: to your point, CNN had a good article that in part quoted the National LGBTQ Task Force. They stated that transgender folks were 2 times as likely to be unemployed and 4 times more likely to be living in in poverty and. Many of them rejected from their family’s so little to no support structure. Now that takes balls, no pun intended. Jenner has a large support system and also a huge bankroll so while it’s not for the faint of heart, he’s far from heroic. Kinda on the same note, just like politicians, these celebritys live so far from reality in their coddles lives and I just can take any of them or their causes seriously. Regardless if I agree with the cause or not. Reality stars, they are even lower on the evolutionary scale. 🙂

  • shim
    June 3, 2015 at 9:24 am

    I was born a man. I actually like being one too. But after hanging out with alot of women and sympathizing for some of the crap they go through thanks to social mores that have nothing to do with the potential a deeper understanding of biology bestows upon ourselves, I’ve become more sensitive in many ways — compassionate, more capable to express my emotions; hopefully more capable especially when emotions are complimented with rational behavior and not just embarrassing irrational fits — wait: Does that make me sexist for saying that? And if someone claims I’m being sexist for simply pointing out how profitless it is to base your own psychology on misguided passion/moodiness, wouldn’t that make accusers even bigger sexists for insinuating that kind of behavior is solely limited to women? But as I was saying , I’ve become more capable of being in touch with my “effeminate side”; I don’t think it’s a bad thing either. So I suppose some people want to take it to the extreme and turn into a woman. Wait a minute — doesn’t that make them sexist for assuming that they need to look like a woman in order to have a more effeminate side? I mean to be fair, what his reason he wanted to turn into a ‘ hot chick’ if not that? Why not just be gay then? It would be so much cheaper! Wait, I’m so confused (again). Why did it take him that long to become a woman if he had always wanted to be one? Follow your dreams I guess: too bad he picked a time in his life where it statistically must be extremely difficult even as a woman to finally find a good ‘partner’. I mean, a gay dude probably wouldn’t want to date her simply because that guy might have to admit he’s attracted to women after all, and I can only imagine a woman who likes women would prefer pure organic material. Otherwise, if she can live with the fact he was a dude, what’s wrong with a dude in the first place? Wait a minute. Does this make me a hateful person? ‘Cause I don’t recall ever saying I hate the guy. I just want to learn with empirical evidence to enlighten me how this stuff works if I got something wrong. I’m like the kid in class who’s brave enough to raise his hand while nearly everybody else doesn’t want to appear stupid for asking questions and admit they don’t understand this one…. I will say this: how the HELL does this merit you to get on national news? That’s embarrassing that this gets so much attention. I would have rather preferred to have been known as an Olympic gold medalist than someone who technically hid all along he was a woman and thus cheated on his medal.

    • Thornton Melon
      June 8, 2015 at 9:56 am

      Couldn’t agree more. I tried to say the something similar but I think the point comes across better in your post.

  • Thornton Melon
    June 3, 2015 at 7:40 am

    The main thing that confuses me is that I’ve been told my whole life to ignore normal gender roles and stereotypes. Boys can play with dolls and girls can play with trucks. I’m a guy who enjoys many things that are associated with the opposite sex. Does that make me a woman? Because the real things that were created by society were gender roles, not the gender themselves. That’s just science.

    This is confusing because what really constitutes wanting to be the opposite sex? Liking the same sex doesn’t mean you’re a woman, it just means your gay. Wanting to do women things (whatever the hell that means), even wearing a dress, who cares? I was taught not to follow gender norms so if you’re a guy you can do whatever you want and if you’re a girl you can do whatever you want.

    To me, changing your sex on some level makes me think that person has recognized a “gender norm” and agreed with it. They always identified with some aspect of the opposite sex and felt that they could only truly identify with it if they were in fact the opposite sex. But is completely acceptable in today’s society to identity with “girly” things even if you’re a guy, and vice versa. Biologically you’re what you are born as and that’s that. It really doesn’t mean you are inhibited in any way. The only thing a sex change is is cosmetic. It can very easily mean you were a boy who wanted to look like a girl, but I don’t see how it makes you a girl.

    • BobnMic
      June 3, 2015 at 6:08 pm

      Diane: Actually, I’d like to join you, but I have class tonight.

      Thornton Melon: Oh. How ’bout tomorrow night?

      Diane: I have class then, too.

      Thornton Melon: I’ll tell you what, then. Why don’t you call me some time when you have no class?

      Diane: [laughs] Alright. Maybe I will.

      • Thornton Melon
        June 8, 2015 at 9:52 am

        Haha glad when people get the reference

  • Binary Billy
    June 3, 2015 at 7:01 am

    I would like to propose that we all go back to scientific identification so emotions are removed from things.

    “Hi, I am an XY… what are your gonosomes?”

  • For the love of pancakes
    June 3, 2015 at 6:50 am

    There should be respect for people and someone who transitions should tell you. But also take into consideration many may be afraid to be assaulted should they admit that. And no, if you sleep with someone you belive to be a woman and has all the “right bits” doesn’t make you gay. You thought you were sleeping with someone born a woman, so, not gay. Gay is when you are attracted to someone of the same sex. Did you go out looking for a man? A man who looked like a woman? No? Ok then not gay. And it’s ok to be confused by this and to not understand and ask questions. People who only insult people who don’t understand anything about any topic only do more harm for their “cause” then good.

  • COB
    June 3, 2015 at 6:18 am

    Man, I would love to tongue-punch this chick’s fart box! 😀 😀 😀

    • Devils Mouthpiece
      June 3, 2015 at 6:32 am

      Yep, he went there. Dude, we need to talk. You might get poked in the eye with that stunt. ROFLMAO.

      • TurtleBoySpurts
        June 3, 2015 at 3:24 pm

        And what’s wrong with that? Your homophobia is showing, dear.

        • Jimmy Nathanson
          June 3, 2015 at 8:39 pm

          Your use of the term “homophobia” in that statement indicates you are referring to Caitlyn as a male and not as a female such that the individual identifies.

          While I realize the intent of your comment, you generally should avoid a need to rely on a double-standard with you comments.

    • BobnMic
      June 3, 2015 at 6:02 pm

      LOL you dog. EWWWW!

  • RBG's fat roll
    June 3, 2015 at 3:55 am

    I agree with you turtleboy… I know I won’t let my mouth say it so my fat rolls will. This is some confusing shit. There’s nothing wrong with being angry you made out with a dude. I feel bad for him that he is so confused, that’s some awful shit but just like he’s confused I’d be confused as fuck if I banged her and found out she was a dude. What if I liked it, what if I busted my nut? That make me gay?

    Matt walsh blaming liberals for this is hysterical too considering Jenner came out as a Republican like 2 weeks ago…

  • O the humanities
    June 3, 2015 at 3:45 am

    The average transgender doesn’t have endless dollars at his/her disposal to do it and do it so well. The average transgender doesn’t have the $$$ to achieve maximum asthetic appeal(liposuction, adams apple shaved, breast implants, face lift, rhinoplasty and on and on when you transform at 65) so Bruce is far from your garden variety transgender. And if this isn’t proof that annie leibowitz is a remarkable talent, nothing is. Jenner had no choice but to go public since his entire life has been before the camera, so it makes sense that he wanted to control the way it was revealed. But the word “hero” should be
    applied with discretion. Veterans, firefighters etc. are heroes. I dare say the vet on Dancing with the Stars , with one arm and one leg, deserved that title more than Jenner. The litmus test for heroism ? Put him back on the Wheaties box as Caitlyn.

  • BobnMic
    June 3, 2015 at 1:10 am

    Ok now COB my man. No need for the classic line on this one. Her fart box might have dangling participles in it’s wake. And a joy stick to change direction on the whole tongue-punching experience. I’d pass on this one dude and I know you will… I have faith.

  • John
    June 3, 2015 at 1:00 am

    I am totally on the same page with you on this Turtleboy. I don’t really get the whole transgender concept, and any time I have tried to converse with people on it I get told I’m a homophobe or a bigot or a sexist ect. Dress and act how you want, fuck who you want to fuck, marry who you want to marry, I don’t give two shits because it doesn’t effect me in the least.

    • Wabbitt
      June 3, 2015 at 1:49 am

      So by hippie logic, you’re committing transerasure by not fully acknowledging stated gender identities. Just as bad as saying that you’re color blind.

      • John
        June 3, 2015 at 7:43 pm

        Wabbitt, that is pure genius.

  • Johnny Jizz
    June 2, 2015 at 11:31 pm

    Was Mrs. Turtleboy born a man? Judging from the pics I’ve seen of you two, it’s entirely possible.

    • Sam Burnside
      June 3, 2015 at 5:12 pm

      Picks of who? Which Turtleboy?

  • Wabbitt
    June 2, 2015 at 11:26 pm

    I’m suddenly recalling the episode of Futurama where Bender turns himself into a fembot and wins all the gold medals.

    Simpsons didn’t do it, but Matt Groening still did.

  • RJ
    June 2, 2015 at 10:30 pm

    I don’t understand how someone can say “I was born a woman, but I’ve always felt like a man inside!” (Or vice versa)

    What does that mean? I’ve been a man my whole life (to the best of my recollection) and I can’t tell you what it feels like to be a man. I also can’t tell you what it feels like to be white, American, from Central Mass, middle class or any of the other things that you could use to classify me. I can only tell you what it’s like to be me, how I feel. I can’t separate out any individual piece and say “yeah, I’ve always felt like a short person inside.” What does that even mean? I legitimately feel bad for anyone who isn’t happy with themselves for whatever reason and if dressing or acting differently, or giving yourself a new name makes you happy, more power to you…I just can’t comprehend how someone could objectively know that they feel like a different gender (or different whatever) when I couldn’t begin to describe what it feels like to be any specific piece of who I am. I’m everything that makes me, all the time.

  • RSoxGuy
    June 2, 2015 at 10:21 pm

    Ok, I’ll say it. He/She is now hotter than his/her wife.

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