Sports

Bruins Fans, Please Stop #NHL15Bergeron Campaign, It’s For Losers Like Montreal Canadiens Fans Who Just Lost To NY Rangers

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Turtleboy has gone mainstream. Check out our blogs for WEEI.COM’s Dennis & Callahan’s Producer’s Blog.

 

Hey New York Rangers – you’re welcome. Luckily for you guys the Boston Bruins had some of the worst puck luck ever seen, and emotionally and physically drained the Montreal Canadiens in the Eastern Conference Semifinals. You can thank us for the 7-2 shellacking in Game 1. And more importantly you can thank us for the fact that beating us in the second round was their Super Bowl. They didn’t give a shit about beating you guys. So Congrats on making the Stanley Cup Finals, although you’re lucky you avoided us this time around (we already what we did to you last year).

I never thought I’d be this happy to see a team from New York win a playoff series, but watching the Rangers facialize the Habs got me all nice and warm in my loins. The only thing better then watching them lose was watching their fans react to them losing on Twitter. Conor McKenna is a talking head up in Montreal. I tweeted at him to send me a picture of the Bell Centre with about 3 minutes left in the game:

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Price-less. (pun intended)

The best person to watch is the ultimate Montreal troll Tony Marinaro. He blocked me on Twitter a while back because just like the team he roots for, he ducks and covers when he can’t take the heat, or in this case the hot takes. Blocking Boston fans is something he’s quite proud of…

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I’m almost flattered that they lost and the first thing they thought of was us. Like, when we lost to the Chicago Blackhawks last year it was devastating. You know what I didn’t do right after that? Talk about Montreal. Because we lost. Therefore Montreal and Boston’s season ended the same way – in failure. If you don’t win the Cup it doesn’t matter. But I guess when you haven’t won since 1993 this is what you have to resort to. Baby steps Montreal. Baby steps.

Now all the buzz in Twitterland lately has been the #NHL15Subban vs. #NHL15Bergeron chatter. Apparently the number of tweets for each of these hashtags will determine who goes on the cover of next year’s video game. I’ve seen a lot of Bruins fans retweeting the Bergeron one. I just wanna take this moment to say, please, please stop!!! It’s embarrassing.

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This type of shit is so Montreal it hurts. We’re supposed to be above this in Boston. Like, when we don’t win it all here, nothing else is supposed to matter. That’s what separates us from other fans. We play to win championships. Anything else is failure. Who gives a shit if Patrice Bergeron or P.K. Subban is on the cover of a video game that I won’t buy at GameStop until 2020 when it’s pre-owned and $3?

Honestly, just let Subban win. Nothing would be more fitting for that fan base. IMMEDIATELY after losing they got down to business and started focusing on what REALLY matters – getting Subban on the cover of a fucking video game. Because in Montreal they love the Habs, but not nearly as much as they love video games:

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No, you definitely cannot win the Cup. Remember the last time Montreal won the Cup? Because there’s like 2 people on Habs who do. Last time you idiots actually won something significant Monica Lewinsky was just an overweight teenager with low self confidence.

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Is there a better slogan for Montreal than “we always have next year?” Man, winning the Cup was way easier when there were only five other teams in the league.

Oh, and guess who got in on the action yesterday?

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Yup, the real, actual P.K. Subban tweeted this the DAY BEFORE the Canadiens were facing an elimination game on the road. Facing the biggest game of his life, his mind was on a fucking video game. And 2,900 idiot Montreal fans retweeted it like it actually meant something. It just doesn’t get any more Montreal than that. No wonder you clowns surrendered to the Nazis so fast.

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Phew. I was worried he wouldn’t make the cover there for a minute. Priorities people. Priorities.

Screen Shot 2014-05-29 at 11.06.25 PM#1993 #1993 #1993Screen Shot 2014-05-29 at 11.09.28 PM

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Screen Shot 2014-05-29 at 11.11.32 PMGlad to see they have pink hats in Montreal too. And of course Tony Marinaro couldn’t miss out on the action…
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If your name is “Jesse James Laflamme” then you already lost life a long time ago.
Almost sad that I can’t watch these guys lose in the Stanley Cup Finals instead. It would be awesome to watch them come so close and then fall short. Again. But I guess I’ll settle for this. Meanwhile the Boston Red Sox just won their fourth game in a row and the Montreal Expos no longer exist. It’s great to be a Boston fan.
Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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Turtleboy has gone mainstream. Check out our blogs for WEEI.COM’s Dennis & Callahan’s Producer’s Blog.

9 Comment(s)
  • brandon
    May 31, 2014 at 11:56 am

    This is a stupid article. It is pointless. Regardless of age, or team you cheer for, who are you to tell Bruins fans not to vote for bergeron for the cover of a video game, and then to suggest we are above habs fans. Yes I get annoyed with habs fans, just like they get annoyed with me as a bruin fan.

    If you are going to write a blog..make sure it has some meaning and isn’t a buck of crap smeared on the page

    • Joey G
      May 31, 2014 at 8:45 pm

      Ain’t you one of the boys that’s been whackin’ off in my tool shed?

  • Simon Hockey
    May 30, 2014 at 9:42 am

    Great job focusing on 16 year olds who live on facebook and twitter.

    You clearly seem to think that the world started somewhere around 1990 and that it revolves around facebook. Does your mother know about this blog? Are you keeping this a secret so she doesn’t chastise you?

    • Chris Curtis
      May 30, 2014 at 11:35 am

      You are easily turtleboy sports biggest fan.

      • Simon Hockey
        May 31, 2014 at 12:13 am

        That may very well be…

        In the same way you’re the Canadiens’ biggest fan.

        See you next season (and if you can’t keep your eyes off the Habs, well there is the off-season: contract extensions, how much for Subban, can we keep Markov, what about Gionta, the entry draft, etc.).

  • Simon Hockey
    May 30, 2014 at 3:06 am

    In Montreal, at least, we don’t fill up hate blogs when the Bruins lose, because we don’t really care about the Bruins. I don’t give a shit we eliminated Boston. I’m just angry we’ll have to beat you again next season and put up with your nonsense.

    By the way, how many teams NHL were there in 1979? 18. In 1978? 18. In 1977? 18. In 1976? 18.
    SHOULD I go on, or will you finally GET the MEMO?

    And how many cups did the Bruins win in that “oh so easy” original 6 era? Not enough to be relevant.

    Have fun

    • Chris Curtis
      May 30, 2014 at 8:53 am

      You know who remembers those teams? My grandfather.

      • Simon Hockey
        May 30, 2014 at 9:22 am

        You know who doesn’t remember the Boston Bruins? My grandfather.
        You know who has seen 15 Stanley Cups? My own father.

        The point is that the 6-team crap is getting old.
        A total of 14 Cup were won by Montreal while the league had 6 teams, ok, not all except 1993.

        You don’t need to have lived in the past to get your facts straight. You have the knowledge base of a 16 year old who lives on facebook.

        So I guess The Boston Celtics dynasties of the past don’t count because there were 9 teams and because most 16 year olds on facebook don’t remember them?

      • Simon Hockey
        May 30, 2014 at 10:03 am

        You seem like the kind of guy who doesn’t know what years WWI and WWII took place (for instance). Who cares, right, if you’re grandparents weren’t even born?

        If it didn’t happen on Facebook, then it’s probably not worth discussing. It’s like, totally, dude, like, yeah… totally… douchenozzle, kind of. So lame, and stuff.

        Did you know they invented the car waaaay back in 1977? I can’t imagine people were living at that time. I heard they were still using Iphone 2s, back then. Poor them.

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