Everyone knows that Bills fans are the most vile in all of the NFL. They are savages. Nothing more, nothing less. I just got back from Buffalo, and unfortunately I don’t have any pictures because one of the unleashed creatures up there destroyed my camera pretty early on. Posted a couple pictures to Facebook first luckily, of some grizzled Buffalonians
and some Buffalo babes
I’ve been to Buffalo a million times before, and I can say with the utmost confidence that I have never, ever seen anything like I witnessed on Sunday. As you know Bills fans have been suffering form Patriots butthurt for years now, and apparently one Buffalonian at the game had the cure for it….
Honestly, this isn’t even a big deal in Buffalo. Giving your girlfriend the brownfinger deluxe at a Bills game is par for the course. Wait until it gets cold. Half the stadium is sticking their hands down their neighbor’s pants for warmth.
I would say that 99% of the savages I encountered were like this guy, who was partaking in the annual tradition of funneling a beer and trying to RKO a Tom Brady effigy.
Can't beat bills fans. Unreal. pic.twitter.com/8KaxcYSnGo
— Jimmy Rowley (@RowleyJimmy) September 20, 2015
Anyway, my plan was to save my battery in the parking lot and get as much film and pictures in the game as possible. Unfortunately the second I began walking up to my seats while trying to tape the crowd, some Buffalonian savage smacked the camera out of my hand. It’s gone forever now. Buffalo. SMH.
Luckily there’s videos all over of the debauchery that went on during the tailgate:
— Barstool Sports (@barstoolsports) September 20, 2015
Fences in Buffalo are for 2 things – puking and making sweet, sweet Buffalo love.
This time around it was just me and two other guys, since the rest of our crew has their faces printed on the back of all Bills tickets. And this year I wasn’t fucking around with these beasts. For instance, a woman sitting two rows in front of me was there with what appeared to be her 7 or 8 your old boy. She was wearing a Tom Brady shirt, which was a poor choice to say the least. But nevertheless, you would assume that having an 8 year old kid with you would make you immune to the Buffalo debauchery.
You would be wrong. The magnificent creature in front of me with a Bills’ legend Terrell Owens jersey on, tapped the lady on the shoulder. At first I thought they were going to make pleasant conversation. But it turns out he wanted to give her a message – “Go fuck yourself.”
Yup. Right in front of the kid. The lady was shocked, but I wasn’t. I’ve seen that happen more times than you can count. It’s how they greet each other Buffalo. Honestly, you should know better than to bring your kids to a Bills game, especially when the Patriots are in town. If you do, you’re going to have to explain what this means:
“Ya see son, they believe that Tom Brady is a homosexual, because they’re suffering from something called, “butthurt.” And since they can’t beat Tom Brady on the football field, they bring gigantic Bills colored penises to the game and pretend that Tom Brady is engaging in what we call “felatio.” This is why you must never move to Buffalo.”
Anyway, we did what we always did – we kicked the shit out of them. I’ve never seen a fan base go from 60 to 0 so quickly. From the moment you walked into the stadium until the Bills scored that first touchdown, it was insane. For a minute there I started planning my escape. There was a wall behind me, but I have no idea where it led to. Nevertheless, I was jumping it if we started getting routed.
But then reality kicked in. It was the same old shit, except with rage. Tom Brady didn’t just beat them, he ripped their souls out. Because THIS was the game they were going to win. In their delusional minds they’ve been losing to the greatest quarterback ever because he plays with slightly deflated balls. Now that he had legit ones, the thinking in that stadium was that he would finally be exposed.
But instead he was better than he ever has been. Instead of the “Brady is lady,” “Brady sits to pee,” and “Brady has a gaping vagina” chants that we heard during the Tailgate, all we heard in the third quarter were rumblings about how full of shit Rex Ryan was. Ya see these poor fools actually bought into his whole, “talk shit and act like a bad ass” routine. Turns out all that does is get you a billion penalties, against a team that always makes you pay for your mistakes.
I genuinely felt bad for these nudniks for the first time. I can’t even imagine what it feels like to lose to the same team every single year. I can’t imagine what it feels like to lose 4 Super Bowls in a row, be victimized by a Music City Miracle, and then miss the playoffs 15 years in a row. And for the first time in forever, Bills fans had optimism. Then Brady rolled into that stadium and it was business as usual. Turns out Rex Ryan was full of shit and absolutely nothing has changed. Buffalo will always be Buffalo.