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You haven’t lived until you’ve watched a drunk redneck verbally berate and profusely swear at a computer-generated image of a virtual blackjack dealer on a HD screen.  Such is the case here at the brand new Plainridge Casino, where after two weeks since their grand opening, they have exceeded even the most optimistic financial expectations. In just their first week, Plainridge Casino earned $6 million dollars in revenue while the state of MA took in $2.5 million.  Incredibly high numbers for just one week in a small casino with no table games or poker and with only 2000 machines.

The excitement here is overwhelming as members of the largely elderly crowd are willing to wait in long lines to blow their life savings gambling on games which are mathematically impossible to win.

What creates this phenomenon? How is this mindless, hopeless form of entertainment exciting for anyone? At least racing and poker, are games of skill and knowledge that give you an edge over your competition if you are smart and patient enough.  But video slots?!?! Deposit money, press button, watch pretty colors rotate, lose, smoke cigarette, repeat process, miss out on beautiful summer day.

Instead of spending their money on their health, hygiene, appearance, vacations, or any other forms of entertainment, thousands of people are flocking here on a daily basis to waste their lives away playing a game they can’t win. Why? Brockton Turtleboy decided to do a little investigating and find out what makes these people tick.

After weaving my way through the sea of walkers, oxygen tanks, and fanny packs, I found a man far off in the right-hand corner playing high-stakes virtual blackjack by himself.  He stared enamored at the screen as an image of a buxom brunette was dealing his cards. I interrupted his romantic moment —

Me: Hello sir, are you winning today?

Him: Not yet

Me: Just out of curiosity, might I ask what the attraction is to playing this game?

Him: I know how to play, other people don’t

Me: Really, and how is that?

(no response)

Me: She isn’t real you know

Him: Fuck you, go away

I’m o for 1.  Next I spotted an elderly woman exhibiting a pungent odor staring zombie-like into a penny slot machine.  Surely she would have the answers I was looking for.

Me: Excuse me miss, but –

Her: Would you please go tell them to turn up the air-conditioning?!

Me: I’m sorry but I don’t work here

Her: GO TELL THEM!!

Feeling defeated, I went for a beer at Doug Flutie’s Sports Pub. His Heisman trophy proudly sits atop the entrance, which lures customers in before charging them $40 for an 8-ounce steak.

Upon leaving I walked through the simulcast parlor past the Penn Gaming corporate offices and witnessed a group of suits sitting around a table smiling and laughing as if they had just hit the lottery or won a fortune.  Which indeed they have.

Want to have your business advert seen by over 500,000 people per month? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.

Follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook