WTF

Calm Down: Every Day Is Free Donut Day At Dunkin Donuts

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I’m writing this blog for Turtleboy because I wanted to share something in light of the fact that a million people on my Facebook roster have been bragging about the free donut they got at Dunkin Donuts today. Newsflash – every day is free donut day at Dunkin Donuts. Only a poopsmooch galore pays money for the crappy excuse for a donut that Dunkins has to offer. Let me show you a little trick. Here’s what a receipt looks like from Dunkin Donuts:

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As you can see it’s from February. You might ask, “why would anyone still have a receipt from February?” And the answer is, “free donut.” On the bottom of the receipt in bold letters it says, “Enter Validation Code” followed by a blank line. The directions say to go to DunkinDonuts.com and fill out this survey about your experience. I did it once, answered all these questions, and then they gave me a number at the end to write in there. The number was 999375. I filled it in and got my free donut.

Then I did it a couple days later and the number I got was 18455. Basically what this means is that the numbers are completely random and mean absolutely nothing. A computer just spit something out. The number is irrelevant. Ever since this discovery I’ve gotten free donuts every single time I go to Dunkins. I usually just make up the first number that comes to mind, but sometimes I get creative:

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And no one’s the wiser. How do I know? Because the minimum wage worker who takes this receipt from me immediately throws in in the garbage. Do you honestly think there is some sort of Dunkin Donuts database that keeps track of which numbers correspond with completed surveys? Do you think the person collecting your receipt is paid enough money to give a shit? Nope. Free donuts.

Sometimes I don’t even want a donut but I get one anway because I’d be stupid not to take a free donut. Then I throw it out, just because I can. Obviously it costs Dunkin Donuts, a multi-billion dollar company, pennies on the dollar to make a donut. They make a million more donuts than they can possibly sell and end up throwing half of them in the dumpster at the end of the night.

So there you have it folks. Every day is free donut day at Dunkin Donuts.

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18 Comment(s)
  • Finnish Goalie
    June 8, 2015 at 9:25 am

    Cinnamon Buns at Village Haven down in North Smithfield, RI.

  • Devils Mouthpiece
    June 7, 2015 at 5:40 pm

    Pure heaven are the Killer Doughnuts next to Paines Doc on, Block Island, RI. Cinnamon and sugar still warm from the oil…. Damn…

  • What Donut
    June 6, 2015 at 7:50 pm

    Honey Dew should be renamed Honey Don’t. Every o e I’ve been to seems like a batchulism soup, pretending to be doughnut shop. Half assing everything just to hoping to catch the overflow from a crowded Dunkin. I don’t know how people eat there.

  • Chris From Georgia
    June 6, 2015 at 12:55 pm

    When I lived in Mass, Honeydew was by far the best. Now that I live in Georgia, I am a Krispy Kreme fan!

  • TurtleBoySpurts
    June 6, 2015 at 10:42 am

    Liberals are generally more well off and can easily afford to pay for their donuts, and so don’t need to resort to juvenile cheats to snag a free one.

    • Finnish Goalie
      June 6, 2015 at 11:16 am

      Hmmm, I more expected you to attack the corporation for offering a hollow, self-serving promotion.

      • TurtleBoySpurts
        June 6, 2015 at 4:14 pm

        Well, if I’m going to comment on hollow, self-serving promotion in this forum it’ll be Turtle Boy’s hollow, self-serving promotion. I’ll visit the DD site, should I feel the need to address the issue with them. But, thanks!

  • The Philistine
    June 6, 2015 at 6:15 am

    Honey Dew. Embrace true religion

    • Finnish Goalie
      June 6, 2015 at 11:19 am

      Make pilgrimage to Gold Star Blvd.

  • BobnMic
    June 6, 2015 at 12:21 am

    all righty then…

    https://youtu.be/hS1okqbnePQ

  • BobnMic
    June 6, 2015 at 12:16 am

    check one two

  • BobnMic
    June 5, 2015 at 11:23 pm

    I woke up last Tuesday as a donut. Yep. I was glazed very fluffy. I would want to be eaten if I wasn’t me. I felt helpless. But appreciated. One person was exceptionally kind and offered to purchase me. Well, I went to deliver that I am way more comfortable as a dingle-berry than a donut. Then we both burped so here we are today. I’m not sure if this makes any sense and if not I’ll contribute it to dain branage.

    • BobnMic
      June 6, 2015 at 12:13 am

      Ok this last thing was not me. I am not a helpless dingle-berry. I am a real donut and proud of it. And I feel bad for the brain issues from that other BobnMic. I wish him/her/it well.

  • Congamuck
    June 5, 2015 at 10:57 pm

    For a real doughnut you gotta make the drive to Southwick Mass (The little pimple on the ass of Massachusetts). Once you arrive there you must go to Mrs. Murphy’s Donuts. There you will taste nirvana.

  • Finnish Goalie
    June 5, 2015 at 10:37 pm

    Normally I get the jellysticks with those coupons. But yeah, I just answer the questions every time I go and get a receipt. Haven’t paid for a donut there in years.

  • kjt
    June 5, 2015 at 10:35 pm

    I seriously use 90210. Also zip code.

  • Fred the Baked
    June 5, 2015 at 8:53 pm

    Their new Chips Ahoy donuts are the freaking bomb. And they have, somehow, Chips Ahoy iced coffee. I asked them to mix the Chips Ahoy with Oreo iced coffee. I had to be alone for a few minutes after taking that first, static sip.

  • John
    June 5, 2015 at 7:55 pm

    Dunkins donuts are…. Well they aren’t that good. I was offered a free one today, twice, and declined. I guess if you have never had a really good donut and don’t know better they would seem ok.

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