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A few days back we wrote about some nudnik from Braintree named “Baby Gangsta” who stabbed some guy up in the nose bleed seats at the Celtics-Grizzlies game last week. We’ve written about plenty of local boobs like this before, but this one almost broke the Internet. I gotta give it to Baby Gangsta – he knows how to market himself. People see a name like that and a face like his and then just have to read more about it. I mean, it’s just so magnificently idiotic that you can’t help but want to indulge yourself in the debauchery.
Well I never actually saw the video from his day in court until a Turtle rider sent it to me yesterday. And the only thing funnier than Baby Gangsta are the magnificent creatures he calls friends who are going to court to support this cold-faced Braintree killa:
His face when his friends entered the room was priceless:
Like a puppy dog excited to see his owner after a long day of work.
I gotta be honest though. Baby Gangsta might seem like a naniburger white boy from the burbs, but he MAY actually be legit. I mean, he was arrested on his first assault charge when he was 8. Freaking 8!!! Al Capone can’t even say that. Who gets arrested for assault when they’re 8? I didn’t even know that was possible. Yea, sometimes 8 year olds get in fights on the playground, but they don’t get arrested. Did he hit someone with a lead pipe, and now he’s graduated onto boxcutters? And who brings a boxcutter to a game in the first place? Was he planning on opening up a box for his new bookshelf so he could put all his books in one place? I hate to admit it, but Baby Gangsta just MIGHT be legit. Probably not though.
Anyway his friends were everything I thought they’d be an more. Check out this pair:
That girl looks like every person who’s ever been on Teen Mom ever. And the guy? He’s just a work of art. You couldn’t design a more magnificent wigger if you tried. He’s even got the sticker on his hat still so you know he’s legit. My favorite line from him was this one:
“They ain’t gonna find him guilty, and if they do it’s corruption of justice 100%.”
LOL. The things that dumb people say are just the tops!! Their friend is accused of stabbing another person at a game. He’s been ID’d be half the South Shore. So if he didn’t do it, and you KNEW he didn’t do it, then you’d probably offer up some sort of explanation right? Maybe provide an alibi, or say that you knew who did do it? Or you can just say it’s “corruption of justice” because you think it makes you sound like you graduated from high school in less than five years.
Then I realized that I recognized Baby Gangsta’s boy there. We get a lot of hilarious emails every day telling us how terrible Turtleboy Sports is. But the one we got a few days back after the Baby Gangsta article might be one of the greatest I’ve ever seen:
First off you dont know brandon and we gave him the name of baby gangsta as child hood friends as a joke and it stuck second of all you say hes the biggest asshole why cuz you personally probably think he did it when theres no evidence he did and in my opinion ur the biggest pussy bitch in the world and an ignoar piece of shit for talkin outta place about something u have no idea about and if you or anyone else wanna keep talkin about brandon im right in braintree mass so if u want it you can come and get it you punk bitch sayin hes gunna be someones bitch when hes locked up shit uv probly never been to jail cuz it really dont work like that not sayin it dosnt happen but like i said anyone who got somethin to say can come say it to me and the whole team cuz we ridin till the wheels fall off get off your computer and be a fuckin man an keep your fuckin mouths shut i hope u guys realize that your all a bunch of pussys and im down for whatever so let me know if u tryna get it
Sincerely the kid who will ruin your fuckin day
I said it before and I’ll say it again. You wanna fight one of the Turtleboy Sports writers? Take a number and meet us at Whitco just like everyone else. No way I’m going to Braintree unless you’re filling up my Prius with gas first. I wouldn’t recommend coming out here though. It’s pretty dangerous. This might be the last face you’ll ever see if you do:
But seriously, is that the most glorious run-on sentence in the history of mankind or what? When I see stuff like this I used to think that these people were just in a rush or something like that. But at this point I’m convinced that this is legitimately the best writing sample he could possibly come up with.
Anyway, one of my favorite parts is when he said that he gave him the name “Baby Gangsta” as childhood friends. What five year old wants to be called “Baby Gangsta?” Most kids wanna play on the jungle gym and tell girls they have koodies. Not Baby G though. He was busy getting arrested for assault and battery and aspiring to be the biggest badass from Braintree EVER. Also I loved this line:
“shit uv probly never been to jail cuz it really dont work like that.”
Newsflash Deputy Baby Gangsta protege – you’re not SUPPOSED to go to jail. That’s the expectation genius.
Anyway the kid’s name on the email was Chris Mazenkas, so of course I looked him on Facebook, and what did I find?
Oh snap!! Baby G is from the streets of Braintree yo!! There’s bad parts there. One kid there never even returned a library book one time. Shit was serious!!
And I’m 99% certain the girl from the video also posted a million times on the blog using the name, “Alexa.” There were too many of her comments to post here, but here are a couple of my favorites: