Hoodrat Heroes

Cheesesteak Chimney Who Parked In Handicapped Spot Lied About Being A Revere Cop, Vows Deformation Lawsuits Against Turtleboy For Lying 


Yesterday we published a blog about some cheesesteak chimney who got caught parking in a Haverhill handicapped spot while trying to buy Newports, and then attempted to badge her way out of it by claiming to be a Reveyahhhh cop.

We wanted to know her name to see if a cop was really using their badge to validate parking in handicapped spots, and a lot of people did send us her name – Cristina Ciampi. Turns out she’s not a cop, but she may have boinked one or two along the way.

She also made it a lot easier by showing up on the Turtle Boy Sports Forever Facebook page and commenting instead.

The blog is a lie because she’s from East Boston and not Revere, even though East Boston is just Revere with an airport. But I notice she didn’t deny parking in the handicapped spot illegally, nor did she deny that she wasn’t a cop. So was that a lie?

Oh I see. It’s a lie because she was only illegally parked in a handicapped spot for two minutes while she ran inside to buy Newports.

She finally admitted that this was in fact wrong, but didn’t address why she lied about being a cop and blamed the guy recording her for blocking her in, thus preventing her escape from public humiliation.  She also vowed deformation lawsuits.

Better call Attorney Richard N. Vulva!!

Then she message the TBS Forever page and Clarence Woods Emerson to try to smooth things over.

Pro tip – things usually go a lot smoother when you don’t threaten deformation lawsuits and make up excuses for your ratchet behavior. I don’t care if you’re a “hard working single Mom.” That’s not an excuse to pretend to be a cop and park in handicapped spots.

Also, don’t come at me with the “you’re gonna make me suicide” bullshit.

I immediately lose any sympathy I had for you when you do that. You’re also not admitting your wrongs if you’re making excuses for them.

She also messaged the TBS Forever page with proof that she’s not a ratchet.

Oh look, a selfie with a SnapChat filter. Case closed. Not guilty.

Oh, and don’t brag about how you “know a lot of high people in Revere” and tell us to “ask about you” if you’re looking for sympathy.

She’s apparently a PCA, so she should know better than to park in handicapped spots. Also, if you’re trying to lose 25 pounds, maybe parking a little further away from the door might help.

Or just not eating donuts.

As always, the door is open if Cristina wants to come on the live show tomorrow night and try to explain herself.


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95 Comment(s)
  • The truth
    July 2, 2020 at 1:19 pm

    Lol turtleboy better be careful if don’t know her dad u guys better u probably fine out soon. Gl

  • Breaking NEWS!!!!!!
    May 31, 2020 at 9:43 am

    Turtleboy Sports is finalizing a deal with The Athletic. Official announcement as early as Monday

  • Collin Kaperniks Pig Socks
    May 31, 2020 at 5:45 am

    Orange man bad.

  • Ted Bundys VW
    May 30, 2020 at 11:12 pm

    All set on this one.Thanks.

  • Amanda Sawyer
    May 30, 2020 at 10:59 pm

    The #GRLPWR Shuttle is in full swing tonight.So is my hog !!

  • Confession
    May 30, 2020 at 10:26 pm

    She fucked an East Boston teacher then when that didn’t work she threaten them with her family she thinks she’s a mob queen

  • Incest
    May 30, 2020 at 9:45 pm

    Snorts drugs off dicks likes it in the ass and fuck her brother-in-law

  • Woody Woodpecker
    May 30, 2020 at 9:44 pm


  • Losssse as a goose
    May 30, 2020 at 9:43 pm

    This nasty bitch been sucking fucking and druging since she was a kid what she’s about 26 27 now still hasn’t changed dam shame

  • volare hoe
    May 30, 2020 at 9:41 pm

    Haha this broad would get trashed and charge 20 a pop in the bathrooms

  • The Cove Lounge
    May 30, 2020 at 5:44 pm

    She played a big part in our 2017 Brown Eye For Bikers campaign.

  • Minneapolis BBQ
    May 30, 2020 at 5:22 pm

    Should be a hell of a show tonight.

  • Chris Sales Elbow
    May 30, 2020 at 5:16 pm

    Abi will be happy to get you a removal form.Or just go on the live show tonight.

  • Cross-eyed Mary
    May 30, 2020 at 5:05 pm

    Her right eye is straight ahead going down 495 south and her left eye just took a right turn on 290 west, wtf.

  • Jewish parking
    May 30, 2020 at 4:42 pm

    They wouldn’t paint a kike being wheeled into an oven if it was for you leave those spots for the gasheads.

  • NortheastShithole
    May 30, 2020 at 3:04 pm

    East Boston ….. Revere….. don’t matter. Whole area is all the same shithole.

    Civil suit for WHAT exactly?? LMAO! I’m sure a judge will appreciate the big waste of time in their court. If this person has other legal issues in the future, any judge will see their records and will not be lenient or take too kindly for wasting their time on crazy.

  • The Esquire Club Lee Burbank Hwy Revere
    May 30, 2020 at 2:39 pm

    Pretty sure this is the same broad I met at the bar.Brought her back to the Town Line Inn of Malden.Gave her the old Panamanian Petting Zoo.What a mess.

    The Panamanian Petting Zoo: “When one force one’s partner to pick the nuts and corn out of a bowel movement. The partner then presents the nuts and corn to in a cup or a dish. One then tosses the nuts and corn onto the bed where the partner eats them like a goat or other typical petting zoo animal. “

    • Gorillas in the mist
      May 30, 2020 at 2:56 pm

      Marty it was bas enough listening to you today about the fake racism now we have to hear about your abhorent sex life.
      Hey mahty why dont you release rhe race of the violent crime perps then Boston can see the resl racism which is black on white crime. Infact for decade after decade after decade 90 percent of the murderers in Boston have been NON white

  • Im Billy fuckin bagzz keahdd you dont want none of dis yo
    May 30, 2020 at 2:28 pm

    Yo shut da fuck up turtlebitchboi dont be capping on my slam donkey fentanyl queen son yo dat mi boo son com ta revere and talk dat shit Kehdd and cee what happening to yous. me and da fentanyl queen be robbin peeps Lyke yous son den afta we rob people Lyke yous kehdd we go to da spot and meet Diego and cop dat fyer son then we chill lax kehdd and look for each oters veins properly like for an hour kehdd and den we find each others veins kehdd and shoot one another up son fuk yo dat rush yo when da fentanyl be hitting the blood stream have me screaming out a fukin Revarrrr kedd it so bomb son. Then after wes gets hi yo we both scream fukin ya doodle reeva doode guy fuckin a bro doode then afta dat yo we be doin the junkie jingle down broad way kedd and go see our bois at methadone mile and cip some annie baahs kedd. Come to revaaar kedd and tawk dat shit son I’ll body you doodee.

  • Newport 100's
    May 30, 2020 at 1:49 pm

    A really sloppy lay

  • Ryan
    May 30, 2020 at 11:55 am

    Revere with an airport lol

  • The photos tell it all
    May 30, 2020 at 11:02 am

    TB, one of your many talents is finding the before and after photos. They never cease to amaze me. In this woman’s apparently earliest photo — the last one — she’s attractive. But is that a syringe on the counter behind her? If so, it may provide a clue to the “after” photos. Ah, the decisions we make in life. Hindsight is 20-20. A picture is worth a thousand words, etc.

      May 30, 2020 at 11:42 am

      Have you ever tried “on line dating”? There seems to be a significant difference, quite often, between “profile pictures” and reality.

  • Curious
    May 30, 2020 at 10:59 am

    When did people lose sight of the “hot” in “hot mess”? It used to have meaning, now it just equates to MESS…

  • Jack
    Fat George
    May 30, 2020 at 10:27 am

    Big, loud and abrasive. Like buffets?

  • Cyril Figgus - ISIS Comptroller
    May 30, 2020 at 8:19 am

    Those pictures of that skank scream “Bukkake Master”.

  • The Vorlon
    Kosh Naranek
    May 30, 2020 at 7:56 am

    Can we start the pool for when she chimps out?

    My guess is July 2ed, when she realizes she has a long drive to stock up on her Newports

  • Mgtow Turtle
    May 30, 2020 at 7:33 am

    I told you about these harpies and their make up Gentlemen! Any wahhman who puts on eye liner wings is always a whore. Good god and to imagine some beta simp is playing rent a family with that pig bitch is gross. Shes definitely a revere rat you can tell by her revere accent doooddeeee legit guyyy. When I was a young rebel which was not that long ago. I would venture out of marblehead and go on a ghetto neighborhood excursion. I met plenty of girls from both revere and eastie while driving my 100k range rover. The eastie chicks would say “like I want to like suck your dick” the revere chicks just got straight to the point and with them it was always “hey guy I’m from revarre and doooode guy I wanna suck ya caaawwwkkkkkk guy” shes definitely a revere rat. Eastie broads are much classier!

  • Julie the Jarhead
    May 30, 2020 at 7:06 am

    Ah, yes, the old “this bog is satire” maneuver ..

  • Soxfan
    May 30, 2020 at 6:07 am

    I just had a baby, and to paraphrase Duane Cook it looks like you downed the whole thing in one sitting,.

  • Rev. Al Sharpton
    May 30, 2020 at 5:21 am

    Minneapolis.Pull out the police and Fire dept.Let the place be burned to the ground and looted until there is nothing left.I believe the cop killed this man.Do not know much about what led up to it.The liberal media does not want to talk much about it.But yes the cop killed this guy.But if black people want to burn their neighborhoods to the ground,loot,and always play the victims…Heres a Bic and a gallon of gas.

  • dash suckcock
    May 30, 2020 at 4:48 am

    hogbeast slutpig
    “I’m from east boston not reveeahh” said the fat mudshark. She shops walmart in her flannel PJs.
    famous quotes from this drug addled cum dump
    “you got any butts?”

  • The Shipwreck Lounge
    May 30, 2020 at 2:32 am

    She used to “work” the apartment building next to the bar.

    Hot dogs and heroin.

    • Blackie
      May 30, 2020 at 8:21 am

      She always paid the rent ontime

      • Bill Ash
        May 30, 2020 at 1:37 pm

        Where you been kid?

        • Sammys Patio
          May 31, 2020 at 1:55 am

          I will see your heroin and raise you some cheap stomped on bar coke.

  • Crystal Laviolette
    Cross Eyed Christina
    May 30, 2020 at 1:51 am

    Haha! You are ratchet AND cross eyed. Not the best pic to state your case!

  • Put The Chimpout Down
    May 30, 2020 at 1:38 am

    I cant breathe because filthy naggers moved into my hood due to mandated low income housing and the stench is getting to me.

  • ames1049
    May 30, 2020 at 1:00 am

    That thing has mudshark written all over it

  • Karen is that you
    May 30, 2020 at 12:12 am

    She should’ve never said anything kept it pushing save yourself from embarrassment

  • Hog
    May 30, 2020 at 12:09 am

    25 going on 50 smh drugs are bad kids learn from this hedgehog

  • Liar
    May 29, 2020 at 11:55 pm

    The kid she “just had” is a about 1 so that gig is up

  • Judge dread
    May 29, 2020 at 11:34 pm

    She uses the excuse to park in handicap parking because she “just had a baby” when she messaged uncle and then added the “you don’t know what I’ve been through” as some reason to deprive a handicapped person from parking close to entrance. If you watch the first 10 seconds of the video you can clearly see the spaces, several of them, next to the handicapped space are fucking empty.

    She could have literally parked 2.5-3′ to the left. Of course in her mind she would probably tell someone in a van who needs the space for wheelchair purposes “just park next to me, it’s only 3′ away”. Then she pulls the fake cop shit.

    This woman has borderline personality disorder, I doubt she even has a kid, considering she’s ripping Newports like they’re going out of style. If she does have a kid I bet she smoked while pregnant, adding to the riff raff pool of future scumbags and welfare preggers.

    The judge really hates people like this; a tack hammer to each knee cap is in order. Then deny her a handicapped pass.

  • Paul Revere
    May 29, 2020 at 11:23 pm

    The naggers are coming the naggers are coming.
    Major cat 1 chimp outs in 14 states now.
    Revolution is here. You were warned.

    • VP Spiro T Cheney
      May 30, 2020 at 12:49 am

      They won’t attack the white areas. They will only burn down their own neighborhoods, putting their brothers who were employed out of business.

      The patriots rocking AR’s last night in front of the the tobacco shop is the modern day equivalent of the Koreans standing on the roof of their markets in Korea Town in LA with AK47’s during the LA riots.

      They loot their own hoods cuz they know full well if they go outside the ghetto or say highway or government district where cops will be soft, where they can get away with burning a police car or two. If they go else where, the cops won’t be around, it will be citizens defending their businesses and households.

      They will be stacked 10 high. They know this, that’s why they loot in the ghetto. 75 IQ sometimes works out to prevent a brutal slaughter.

      • Morally Ethically and Financislly Bsnkrupt Country
        May 30, 2020 at 1:43 am

        You hope thats the case but there are too many self loathing loser white liberals who would embrace the riots.
        An abstract condtruct (white Privilege)with no basis in reality or truth is willfully accepted as fact now. Incase you havenot noticed its pretty much every race vs whitey and even dumb whites hate being white.
        Time for revelution now while we still have a chance.

  • Druggie
    May 29, 2020 at 11:20 pm

    From East Boston revere to Haverhill

  • .
    May 29, 2020 at 10:55 pm

    Boooo hooo you whore

  • Bore Rat
    May 29, 2020 at 10:47 pm

    Who fucking cares, really? You’ve got to start picking better targets and better crusades…

  • Bob Murchison
    May 29, 2020 at 10:41 pm

    Her breasts are begging for my penis butter.

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    Joe 30330
    May 29, 2020 at 10:38 pm

    You vote Republican and they’ll put y’all back in chains!

  • TortugaNiño
    May 29, 2020 at 10:33 pm

    No doubt she knows alot of high people in revere. Junkies of a feather…

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    Old Tom Morris
    May 29, 2020 at 10:19 pm


  • Lossssaaaaa
    May 29, 2020 at 10:02 pm

    pitty party patty mad because she got put on blast now she’s going to “sue” go do some more dope you’ll be just fine

    May 29, 2020 at 8:46 pm

    Just because she is gay and hangs out at nudist lesbian sex clubs DOES NOT mean she deserves to be discriminated against. It’s time we stopped shaming gay people in this country. They deserve to park in handicapped spaces and ADA benefits.

  • Cheddah
    May 29, 2020 at 8:39 pm

    It’s always comforting to watch foul ratchets starting off volatile then quickly start descending in fear and desperation.. This hog is pathetic.
    Be a better role model to your kids Christina!

  • Normal People
    May 29, 2020 at 8:30 pm

    The problem with dumb white trash is that they don’t know they are dumb white trash.

    • Fuck Monkey Apes
      May 29, 2020 at 9:17 pm

      You say this while filthy nagger animsls are rioting all across the country.

      • normal people
        May 29, 2020 at 9:44 pm

        Just because I’m shitting on one group of people doesn’t mean I condone the other, the two aren’t mutually exclusive.

  • Rick
    May 29, 2020 at 8:17 pm

    Enough with the “he blocked me in”! Take responsibility then shut up and don’t do it again. When someone Sincerely apologizes, there are NO EXCUSES!

    • Filthy Puke
      May 29, 2020 at 9:18 pm

      Who the fuck are you pussy. Block me in I will break your cocksucking jaw.

  • Fuck 'em
    May 29, 2020 at 8:04 pm

    So she’s a badge bunny wannabe. Slumpster! And LOL at the sob story bullshit. It’s always a sob story, “look at what you made me do” kind of thing with ratchets.

    • Dash RipRock
      May 29, 2020 at 8:12 pm

      Is a “Deformation Lawsuit” anything like a defamation lawsuit?

      • Barney rubble
        May 29, 2020 at 9:50 pm

        Dash rip rock you new here peckerhead

        • Dash RipRock
          May 31, 2020 at 8:56 pm

          Hey Barney I remember you…..Fred’s little toadie.

      • cash suckcock
        May 30, 2020 at 4:43 am

        It’s like when the nazis bombed pearl hahbah

  • Raveah palease offisah
    May 29, 2020 at 7:48 pm

    Cop or not she’s a fucking PIG

  • Ben Dover
    Ratchet Patrol
    May 29, 2020 at 7:34 pm


    • Wouldn't
      May 29, 2020 at 9:41 pm

      Have you no Fucking standards?

  • Randolph
    May 29, 2020 at 7:28 pm

    I’d drop a Cleveland steamer knockewurst and sauerkraut turd between her tits

  • Peter Dautel
    May 29, 2020 at 7:10 pm

    Drop. The. Mic.

    TB kicked your fat, lying, chain-smokin ass. You’re a cunt. You shit on others while you’re doing the same Polito. It’s called the Covid Karma you fat fuck.

    You got caught being what you are. Ig. No. Rant.

  • Not exactly the Back Bay
    May 29, 2020 at 6:46 pm

    How does such a single mother end up in East Boston or Revere, where you and your children get to breathe kerosene-based jet fuel constantly? Were some of those photos from Backpage or some equivalent? Sounds like something out of “Last Exit to Brooklyn.” She’s at or very near the edge. Running out of runway, as others might say.

  • Haverhill Landlord
    Haverhill Landlord
    May 29, 2020 at 6:37 pm

    There’s no way she just had a baby, she’s post menopausal.

    I can tell that from her postings; no periods.

    I’ll show myself out.

  • randiguy2006
    May 29, 2020 at 6:05 pm

    You sure showed her.

  • Guinea Geisha
    May 29, 2020 at 6:03 pm

    Real eyes realize real lies are SnapChat filters.

    • Silencio DoGood
      May 29, 2020 at 10:27 pm

      my mind filters out reality all day long, but during Me Steal Month i try and relax with a little shoplifting, so’s i can buy you a present.

      • Guinea Geisha
        May 29, 2020 at 11:09 pm

        Earlier today geisha made you a little present with my own two little hands. Made you a little Face with my little face on it. But I’ve just been informed that it’s been disabled. Doesn’t meet community standards, apparently. Not sure why. But I did see you and said hi. Not sure if you’ll see me now or not. Geisha don’t really understand these things 🙁

        • Silencio DoGood
          May 30, 2020 at 2:52 am

          what a drag i missed you, and thank you for the work of your little hands. i know nothing of it, either, there’s a video about my childhood on there called New Offenders, and another you might relate to at this time of days, its in Irish but subtitled. community standards aren’t high enough, for you.

          • Guinea Geisha
            May 30, 2020 at 4:08 am

            I tried again but I’m banned for life I think. They took offense to ‘guinea’ geisha the first time I guess. These face fucks won’t let me see anything now. But if you were to dig a little deeper here and meet me there… I’ll give you the code to find geisha.

          • Silencio DoGood
            May 30, 2020 at 10:04 pm

            i knew that was why they were offended, my little Guinea fowl, that and you should have been out burning down Portland. “i will find you,” yelled Hawkeye, in The Last of the Mohicans, but all i can say is “i will stumble across you,” yelled Cyclops, in the Last in Line for Toilet Paper.

          • Silencio DoGood
            May 30, 2020 at 11:33 pm

            i tried your first with Geisha and found a FEW, none of you. First, Brooklyn and So Maine, yikes! Covid Geisha, correct office Geisha, no news is bad news, maybe Good C-girl, for Christ’s sake. Hope work is less than usual and you can breathe in the stars. Mars, Saturn and Jupiter rose together for my walkies, tres lovely, with a buncha shooting stars (JFK, Abe, Etc.) You are getting sleepy… dream wild.

          • Guinea Geisha
            May 31, 2020 at 12:13 am

            You seem to know where I live Silent Samurai. But still haven’t found me. I’m still just 11 blocks down… jerkin my gherkin with Caged Junkies. Geisha too walks doggie now. But I’ll look for you down there soon.

          • Guinea Geisha
            May 31, 2020 at 1:08 am

            You’ll find all the clues you need to find geisha right here in turtle town. Not googles or faces. All’s you have to do is meet me down there and geisha give you the key. I think you’re a clever enough boy to figure it out.

  • Punk Bitch Boi
    May 29, 2020 at 5:38 pm

    The punk blocking her car is an ashhole. He is certainly not a cop and has no right to block her from moving. He should be issued a citation as well.

  • Lipstickhippie
    Lipstick Hippie
    May 29, 2020 at 5:36 pm

    “Its me steal awareness month”…yeah, me steal a handicapped parking spot.

  • Mick Jones from the clash
    May 29, 2020 at 5:14 pm

    If you are not handicapped you do not park in handicap spots under any circumstances I don’t care if you’re Jesus Christ himself. She parked in it she sucks

    • Police and thieves
      May 29, 2020 at 9:47 pm

      Huge fan Mick, they never shoulda thrown you outta the band. Hope you’re well. B. A. D. Not so bad either

  • whatevuh
    May 29, 2020 at 5:13 pm

    Does anyone ever actually listen/watch this ‘live show’ ? What a colossal waste of time. Even if or when I have nothing to do, I could never do it.

    • Getta
      May 29, 2020 at 5:52 pm

      Then what are you doing here ? you know you don’t watch live show but you seem to comment on this ? if you don’t like something and you’re boycotting it or you know you basically like fuck it it’s sucks why would you bother commenting on it ? Even have here at all ? Whatever

  • The Spic Tormentor
    Spic Tormentor
    May 29, 2020 at 5:09 pm

    When chicks only have pictures of themselves mid-tit and up it means that they are fat piles of shit

    • Lizzo's Chicken Wing Intervention Team
      May 30, 2020 at 1:42 pm

      how dare you

  • hartf811
    Fat Clemenza
    May 29, 2020 at 5:07 pm

    She lost me at single mom.
    Not all pig is pork. Especially in Eastie and Revah
    Christina, kill yourself.
    Leave the cannoli’s.

  • Farmer Hogg
    May 29, 2020 at 5:03 pm

    She’s a douche, but I’d do her. Just saying

    • Lou P
      Lou P
      May 29, 2020 at 5:58 pm

      Only doggie style. So I don’t have to look at her and she can’t see me laughing at her Eastie/Rah-ve-ah accent.

      • Coyote Ugly
        May 30, 2020 at 5:20 pm

        You’d chew your arm off to get away in the morning

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