Chef Ployardee Says She Called The FBI Because She Never Was Charged With Animal Cruelty But Her Old Facebook Post Says Otherwise 


Last night on the live show we had Chef Ployardee on for ratchet redemption hour to explain why she’s selling toilet paper on Facebook, why her “fiance” assaulted her midget ex-boyfriend at Market Basket, why she has so many Google trophies, and how she can afford to make a living without being on food stamps if she’s unemployed. Not only did she grace us with her presence, but her man Leroy was there as well, and rest assured he had a perfectly good explanation for why he likes to go mid day midget-tipping.


Turns out that poor little guy is her ex-boyfriend and he got drunk and yelled racial slurs at Leroy. I for one am shocked that a guy charged with a crime is playing the “he called me the n word” card to excuse his behavior.

Chef Ployardee’s big contention was that we had the wrong Jill Martin from the courthouse records. She claims she’s never been charged with animal cruelty or any of the other things when you search for her name in the database, and says that she’s already brought this to the police and the FBI for a variety of very serious charges against Turtleboy. Except this post from 2014 suggests otherwise.

Holy Mary, mother of sentagraphs! Welcome to New Bedford – home of the missing periods. No way I’m reading all that or opining on why she chose to use an app that capitalizes every word. All I know is that sure sounds like an admittance that her plethora of pooches were not taken care of in her ratchet den, thus prompting animal control to liberate them from her.

Oh look, the charge was from August 19. The exact same date Jill Martin was charged with animal cruelty. Yup, we got the wrong person for sure.

I definitely had some other questions for her too, like, how do you go from banging a midget to Leroy? And is this the hardest 42 you’ve ever seen in your life?


She might be 42, but that’s like 112 in New Bedford years.

We answered all those questions and then previewed Bristol Blarney Part 5, because as ratchet as animal cruelty and selling hoarded items during a pandemic are, they pale in comparison to giving away two of your crotch fruits, neglecting the two remaining ones, and judging others while having an open DCF case.



This episode of The Turtleboy Live show is brought to you by our friends at APC Roofing in Charlton. Like APC Roofing in Charlton on Facebook by clicking here, and be automatically entered to win a pair of Red Sox tickets! There’s nothing they like more than helping their customers protect their home with a quality roof installation.


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34 Comment(s)
  • Ratchetsaurous Rex
    March 29, 2020 at 12:39 pm

    Her face. I just can’t get over the face.

  • Bobby Thickdong
    March 28, 2020 at 12:43 pm

    Jesus. Think of all the calories she could burn by capitalizing every first goddamn letter.

  • I'd rather bang a white midget...
    March 28, 2020 at 11:45 am

    …That a fat negro. Am I right?

  • She actually writes better than Turtleboy
    March 28, 2020 at 11:43 am

    The former “English” teacher who can barely complete a sentence.

  • Tammyleek
    March 28, 2020 at 3:46 am

    I could never ever fuck a little person honest to god I would feel like I’m fucking a child!! And definitely not when my twins who are 13 are the same height as him or taller like wtf u wanna use my sons shoes or shirt omfg no thanks no way no thanks and like what a weird looking couple a big girl round and tall and a little guy how would they even bang really like omg crazy I need to stop then the new bf hitting a little person pick on someone your own size u ugly fucking bully I bet u feel really big right hitting a little person fucking coward losers EBT and ssi and ssdi that our tax money goes to look at what I work my ass off to pay for people who can work just to fat and fucking lazy to do anything bunch of low life losers! Pisses me off I’m away from my kids and husband for 60 70 hr a week to work to support my family and my husband works honest to god Works more hours then I do ok we are away from each other and our kids to pay taxes for low life’s like this!!

  • Enjoy it while you can
    March 27, 2020 at 11:53 pm

    First they tell us to avoid close contact with others. Then they start to remove the food supply. When the food runs out, she’ll be the only survivor. She’ll have the last laugh on all of us, and for fun may post a photo of TB’s starved remains.

  • I’ll take Ratchet Dental for $500, Alex
    March 27, 2020 at 10:00 pm

    It’s a Video Daily Double!!
    What is “A busted picket fence?”
    What is “Mouthful O’ Meth?”
    What is “I don’t need teeth cuz chewin’ slows me down.’

  • Dr. Oz
    March 27, 2020 at 8:31 pm

    Htf did that midget ever mount that whale? I don’t believe it would be anatomically possible ?

  • Fat Bastard
    March 27, 2020 at 4:15 pm

    That looks like a baby. C’mere baby. I’m gonna eat ya.

  • Fallout shelter dan
    March 27, 2020 at 3:16 pm

    Tb your pics of this beast made me lose my lunch,and these kind of photos of a gigantic nasty human shitstain are causing me PTSD,come on dude stop with these

  • Hoss Cartwright
    March 27, 2020 at 2:33 pm

    Giddy up thar land mammal!

  • Jordis
    March 27, 2020 at 12:59 pm

    Fun with numbers!!

    In order for that beast to maintain her current weight she has to consume over 5,000 calories a day.

    That’s how obesity works.. you dont just eat to get there you continue to consume too many calories to maintain that weight.

    Anyways..an inactive female maintains about 125pds by consuming 1500-1600 calories a day. I multiplied that number as Jill clearly is at least three 125pd women in one.

    So this nearly 400pds woman is consuming enough calories to maintain 3 healthy adults.

    Is eating 5,000 calories worth of food in a day cheap? I mean a big mac is like 560calories so that’s close to 9 Big Macs a day.

    Oh man, all around how gross is this?

    • Truth
      March 27, 2020 at 1:25 pm

      The poor struggle mightily with hunger. Not here in the US of A. But in other places.

      • JoeMomma
        March 27, 2020 at 1:29 pm

        Hungry? She hasn’t missed a meal in decades.

    • G Ber
      March 27, 2020 at 3:51 pm

      I like your math, so you get my thumbs up!

      March 28, 2020 at 7:07 pm

      Jordis you godamm genius, that’s some good math and logic there son. When the Corona Apocalypse leaves us with no jobs and food rationing, I’m making you National Director of Food Services.

      • Jordis
        March 30, 2020 at 10:31 am

        Can I just be in charge of food rationing now? I can lower healthcare cost, taxes and mortality rates in 6mths.

        Btw “son” albeit not popular it’s a female name.

  • Carlotta Von Funkenhouzen
    March 27, 2020 at 12:44 pm

    Who does her hair?

    • DudeRanchStripClub
      March 27, 2020 at 1:21 pm


    • M-80
      March 27, 2020 at 1:48 pm


    March 27, 2020 at 12:32 pm

    The state should have records from the EBT card transactions at the market, for the manufactured goods she buys to eat. The manufacturers of those items that are consumed in place of food should be assessed a “heath care impact fee”.

    If they don’t pay, the rest of us are going to have to pay the Mass Health costs for her outcome.

    Or is that the plan that “they” have?

  • Dianna
    March 27, 2020 at 12:27 pm

    I have no words for this kind of behavior. She admits to leaving dogs alone for 2 days. Where did they shit and piss? Do they know how to utilize a toilet? You go one to say that they are like your kids and you would never do that to them. Ummmm……ya did do it. Animal Control isn’t just gunna walk up in your house to have tea with your dogs. Seriously. You are certifiable.

  • capone181
    Total Mayhem
    March 27, 2020 at 12:24 pm

    I’m wondering if she surrendered the dogs, or ate them.

  • capone181
    Lee Ho
    March 27, 2020 at 12:17 pm

    She might be over qualified for the Athol School Superintendent’s job.

    • capone181
      Louie Pong
      March 27, 2020 at 12:20 pm

      Are you indicating she likes to consume large amounts of watermelon, Kool Aid, fried chicken and Gin?

      Asking for a friend

      • capone181
        Lee Ho
        March 27, 2020 at 12:27 pm

        I’m insinuating she certainly looks like she eats tons of something.

    • Dianna
      March 27, 2020 at 5:25 pm


  • Southie Changed I Didn’t
    March 27, 2020 at 12:16 pm

    I know thah Brothers love Big A$$es but really? This is just fucking disgusting. If Leroy gets sentenced I hope the Judge sends him to Bridgewater for an evaluation

  • Puddintaine
    March 27, 2020 at 11:47 am

    Seriously what the shitfuck type of pictures are some people posting on the fb machine?

  • Charlie Parker
    March 27, 2020 at 11:04 am

    Why are fat white chicks with baboons?

  • Lake Flaccid
    March 27, 2020 at 11:02 am

    She’s my #1 pick in the next Ratchet bracket pool. Feels a lot like when the Chiefs drafted Mahomes.

  • Elegant Elliot Offen
    March 27, 2020 at 10:55 am

    She looks like the last shit I took.

  • Josef Fritzl
    March 27, 2020 at 10:46 am

    More Chins than a Chinese phone book.

    • Dianna
      March 27, 2020 at 12:39 pm

      She is hurt. She needs to be sectioned on IV with haldol. This is the reason I am going off the grid

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