Chicago Cubs Tried To Cheat Against The SF Giants By Blaming Obama For Hilarious Failed Attempt To Put Tarp On The Field

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Chicago Sun Times: Yesterday when the Cubs defended their grounds crew’s efforts during Tuesday night’s debacle against the Giants, the team noted that they had sent home many of the grounds crew workers earlier in the day. They made it sound as if it were standard operating procedure to do so. But the Chicago Sun-Times reports that there was a bit more to the team’s staffing decisions:

“The staffing issues that hamstrung the grounds crew Tuesday during a mad dash with the tarp under a sudden rainstorm were created in part by a wide-ranging reorganization last winter of game-day personnel, job descriptions and work limits designed to keep the seasonal workers – including much of the grounds crew – under 130 hours per month, according to numerous sources with direct knowledge.

That’s the full-time worker definition under “Obamacare,” which requires employer-provided healthcare benefits for “big businesses” such as a major league team.”

The Sun-Times article quotes anonymous officials from other teams which characterize the Cubs’ move in this regard as “cheap” and short-sighted.

Take this for what it’s worth, but the Cubs were deemed baseball’s most profitable team in 2013 and its owners are well-known partisan Republicans with a decidedly anti-Obama tilt. If there’s a team which is going to go out of its way to avoid having to pay Obamacare benefits, it’s not shocking that the Cubs are that team. 


Well it’s official – Obama hates the Cubs. Who didn’t see this one coming? If you’ve ever watched a speech by him or his wife, and you took a shot every time he mentioned that he’s from “the South Side,” then you’d be passed out by the time the speech was over. Because when you’re a politician from Chicago you have to pretend like you’re some born and raised in the ghetto, rags to riches success story. Hey Obama, we know that you and Michelle are prep school rich kids. The only time you ever went to the South Side was to buy weed on one of your urban safaris in the 70’s.

Anyway, the White Sox are the official team of Chicago’s South Side and thus Obama’s team, so logically Obamacare was a gigantic conspiracy to screw over the Cubs. He knew they’re run by a bunch of chiselers that would cut corners in order to pay for their employees health insurance. This was ALL his idea.


Ya got that? He didn’t sign the Affordable Health Care Act to try to fix the health care system. He did it to stick it to the Cubs. What kind of shit is that Obama? Haven’t the Cubs had it bad enough? I mean, they haven’t won a World Series since William Howard Taft’s fat ass was president.

If you haven’t seen it yet, this was the hilarious 20 minute debacle, compressed into a 2 minute video:

Because at Wrigley Field, not only are the players incompetent, but so is the grounds crew. Steve Bartman could’ve done a better job putting that tarp on by himself. That was the like the blind leading the blind. Only the Cubs could’ve possibly pulled off a masterpiece like that.

So yea, this is just politics bitch. It’s no secret that republicans and democrats will sell their children for a chance to catch the enemy with their pants down. Obviously the conservative schmucks who run the Cubs don’t give a shit about winning, but at least they can stick it to Obama.

Because there is a 110% chance this entire debacle was planned out from day one. The Cubs don’t have a lot of leads after five innings. They obviously had some sort of upper-management meeting in which they discussed this very scenario. If they had a lead and it starts raining, the plan was clearly to fuck everything up in a comical matter so that the field wouldn’t be playable once the rain stopped. Then the game would be called, they win, AND they can blame Obama for having to lay off so many grounds crew workers because of Obamacare.


This might seem strange to us, but this is how politics works in Chicago. Because Chi-town is a magical place where dead people vote, the governor more often then not spends his retirement in prison, and the mayor shuts down the public schools for the first week of school just to show everyone how big his schmenzer is.

It’s actually a rather brilliant scheme. Well, unless the Giants protested the game and won. Which of course they did. Yup, the Giants said that they shouldn’t be punished in the middle of a pennant race for the gross incompetence of the Cubs grounds crew. Obviously this is a valid point, and MLB forced them to finish the game at a later date. You know when the last time a MLB protested the result of a game and won? 1986. OF COURSE the fucking Cubs are on the losing end of MLB’s first successful protest in 28 freaking years!! Because, the Cubs.


So yea, if you’re down on the Red Sox for being suck-bag city this year, look at the bright side. At least we can put a fucking tarp on the field. That and we’ve won three World Series in the last ten years, and the Cubs have won ZERO in the last 100+.

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