Chile Soccer Hooligans Just Won The World Cup By Breaking Into Stadium With Stampede And Destroying The Press Room

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Turtleboy has gone mainstream. Check out our blogs for WEEI.COM’s Dennis & Callahan’s Producer’s Blog.


I’ll tell you one thing that could get me more into soccer – more shit like this from Chile fans:

Fucking Brazil. This could only happen in a third world country like Brazil, or Detroit. They got one fucking guy there to protect the World Cup from a pack of wild Chileans. That was easier than rushing the floor at the UMass Spring Concert. I mean, I’ve seen better defense from James Harden. Good thing they’re not hosting the Olympics any time soon….oh wait….


Now soccer hooligans are a part of the game. But this was a whole other level of hooliganism. Normally you just yell at the opposing team’s player and tell him that he’s not satisfying his wife. Usually that’s followed by a giant brawl and a couple sucker punches of the po-po when they’re not looking. But this situation had no exit plan. It was like, “Hey we’re in. Now where the fuck are we and where do we go from here.”

Unfortunately for them they all ran directly into the press room, overrunning the rock-solid cardboard dividers that were once used as walls at Worcester South High School. If there plan was to quickly run into the stadium and disappear into a sea of anonymity, they probably shouldn’t have run directly at the place with all the cameras. Didn’t help them that the media could hear the stampede coming from a mile away, so they literally stood there and awaited the storming of the Bastille:

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This is the moment the mob realized they should’ve gone left instead of right at the fork in the tunnel. FML. Oh yea, and you guys might wanna not wear the easily identifiable colors of the Chilean soccer team.  They weren’t done though. As the media attempted to put the castle back together…


The mob then proceeded to parade through the press room, still running on the adrenaline of their victorious storming of the castle…


But after a while it was like, “uhhhhh, where the fuck are we?”


Like a bunch of chickens running around with their heads cut off. Seriously, I haven’t seen a more fucked up and poorly planned invasion by a bunch of South Americans since the Bay of Pigs. The CIA wouldn’t even hire these morons to kill Salvador Allende spread democracy.

Who the fuck is leading this shit show? Hey I know, let’s do what all Latin American revolutionaries are taught to do – follow the guy with facial hair!!


So of course after a while the weak ones were all captured or killed in action. Mostly captured:


And of course it ended the only way it could possibly end – with an emasculating elephant walk:

So did they run out of handcuffs or something in Rio? I’m really confused why these guys all just gave up so easily? It’s like, dude, you guys still have the use of your arms and legs. Run until you are tackled and restrained. What kind of soccer hooligan willingly complies with the orders of an idiot security guard from Rio? Ummmm dude, you guys are going to jail in Brazil. Let that sink in for a moment. I’d have to be tasered into submission before going to a Rio jail.

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I’m sure they all got to call their lawyers as soon as they got to jail. Criminals have tons of rights in countries like Brazil. Newsflash – Earl Warren would be drug lord if he grew up in Sao Paulo. You guys are all proper fucked. You MIGHT get out in time to see the 2016 Olympics, but you’ll be a broken, broken man by then amigo.

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Turtleboy has gone mainstream. Check out our blogs for WEEI.COM’s Dennis & Callahan’s Producer’s Blog.






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