You know what I love? The smell of my taxes funding people’s Air Jordans.
Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at [email protected] for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.
Got a tip, props, or to tell me I suck? HMU at [email protected] or SSTurtlegirl on Twitter.
Meet Heather Wetherell. She’s a Taunton-born Chinderella! Her fairytale baby daddy is Ralph Turner and, like so many before him, refuses to bend his crown.
Aren’t they adorbs?
No, she doesn’t have a castle on a hill or little mouse friends to pick the Great Value chip crumbs from her multiple, yet cavernous, neck canyons. She’s just an average girl, living the South Shore dream, and selling the baby formula we bought her kid because she needs to make some of that Taunton green. (Ha. See what I did there?)
Chinderella posted her fire sale in like seven of the South Shore yard sale pages. Despite warnings like:
Normal people who work for a living don’t buy the regular cans of formula like this. You buy the bigger containers for the long term because it’s WAY cheaper. The only time you get these containers is if you’re in a financial pinch and one at a time OR if you applied for WIC and you get a tax-payer funded check that specifically says is redeemable for an exact quantity of the specific brand and size only.
These cans exist ONLY for those two reasons.
Don’t worry. Heather don’t got nuffin to hide.
Heather blocked GeriLeigh and then deleted her post. Nothing to see here.
I’m sure that Heather and her baby daddy are Scrooge McDuck diving so hard in cash they think buying more expensive cans of formula is the equivalent of flashing bling like Diddy. Well, maybe in Taunton. It is a different world there. She’s probably making it rain Similac on Instagram.
Both of them have lucrative jobs that allow them to live lavishly.
Military? Oceanography? Hm. Maybe I was wrong…
Lol. Just kidding. The first thing I said to my coworkers when I saw this was “bet you guys $20 she’s got a kid that literally just became old enough for milk and she ripped the baby off it so she could sell these.”
Being right makes me moist.
It’s cool. It’s not like Heather’s daughter needs the vitamins and nutrients to develop her brain so she doesn’t become yet another byproduct of Taunton parenting.
You know, like when you sacrifice so hard for your kids that you spend a small fortune to get them a brand new $400 bed when Craigslist is swimming in the same one for a fraction of the price.
Especially when you don’t have a car or license yourself.
I wonder if Ralph plans on putting rims on that Lightning McQueen bed? I paid about the same for my first car too. Sound investment.
Weed and Jordan’s are still a necessity, right?
Now. Now. Don’t judge. You ain’t living their life!
Times be hard!
They probably saved all that money by cramming themselves in to one room, her doing her own hair and tats, while waiting for that housing voucher to come in.
I don’t know about you guys but I always thought carving pumpkins in my bedroom with the kids was a brilliant family tradition too!
I can totally understand the struggle of having two kids and a no good baby daddy who won’t smash a bottle of hennypagne over your baby bow and make that fupa official!
Sure, Ralph popped the question and put a ring on it. After all that money he’s saving by letting us feed his sperm squad he had the scratch to hit that mall kiosk at the Galleria. Maybe once they’re done popping out babies they can hit the legion hall.
Let’s face it. Why would he want to ruin a good thing? By leaving Chinderella to claim she’s single they get all sorts of good shit! Who cares if you keep cranking out kids if you don’t have to feed them.
Nothing like putting that baby carrot (her shitty ring) on Olaf (bulbously round and white fingers.)
Point being: Bitch, you ain’t fooling no one. You can try as hard as you want to deny your broke ass isn’t breaking the law but our readers are so much smarter than you.
Those same smart and good looking readers will be reporting you by CLICKING HERE TO REPORT YOUR WIC FRAUD.
I wonder if Chinderella and Prince Walmart can calculate all of the money they received in WIC benefits over the years for their kids. Because they’ll have to pay allllll that back. Two kids, ten cans a month, at $17-$20 a pop? Rough estimate of more than $4k they’ll have to cough up while dealing with other penalties.
Of course both Ralph and Heather are welcome to message our Desk Girl at the Turtleboy Sports inbox on Facebook to lodge their complaints or file their deformation suit.