Chinstrapped Somerset Bro-Doucher Offers “Free Estimate” For “Construction Business” So He Can Case Your Place, Steal Your Stuff, Sell It Feed “Disease”

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First off, if you know anything about Somerset, then you know it’s its own self-proclaimed version of Pleasantville…nothing bad ever happens there (insert *eyeroll* and a condescending ‘lol’). The townies have referred to the place as “Camelot” for decades, in reference to its reputation of upper-middle class perfection. But, of course…if we’re being logical and realistic here, we know it is not immune to the drug epidemic that’s sweeping the states like wildfire. Case in point, Frederick ”Freddy” Preece.

Freddy Preece III. Not to be confused with his long lost father….

It literally takes mere seconds of perusing his timeline and minimal cognitive abilities to determine that this Snaggle-Toothed Addictsaurus is NOT one of those typical stand up guys from Somerset. Literally 96% of his posts are begging for some sort of hand-out (i.e. – transportation, clothes, shelter, etc…oh, but he’ll pay for it though…yet for some reason can’t seem to acquire these basic needs on his own accord):

*Gasp* Are we all shocked that he’s scrapping…?! No…?! Okay, then…carrying on…

The other 4% of Sir Cops-Nods-a-Lot’s posts are advertisements for his “business”. You know the kind…one of those make-pretend construction businesses where they come to give you a “free estimate” (which is code for “casing the joint”), then come back to your home, start the job, rob you blind, then never show up again leaving you with a half-ass unfinished project AND down a few bills worth of material possessions you worked hard to pay for…aka – “larceny under false pretense”.

Yes, that’s right. He named his business after the common hoodbogger acronym for “fuck the police.” Can’t make this stuff up.

I don’t know about you guys, but someone who advertises their business in between discussing their court schedule and begging for clothes and shelter, would obviously be my first choice of hire for all my home improvement needs. You’d think that someone who spends so much time in court would at least be able to spell “court.”

I completely understand and respect that life is tough, people hit rough patches, and occasionally need a helping hand, but this Smack-Cracklepot’s internet pan-handling goes back YEARS on his timeline. Not days, not weeks, not even months…it’s been going on for YEARS. Hmm…runs a “business”, but can’t feed, clothe, or shelter himself…why, golly gee, that’s not sketchy at all, sign me right the hell up for a full home remodel!

But, WAIT, there’s more! His entrepreneurial skills don’t end there…he also uses the FB Mothership to sell things that he “found”:

I had a good chuckle over the real-time backpedaling he pulled when he got called out. “Nooo, I wasn’t trying to sell this phone I stole, I was just trying to return the phone I found to its rightful owner! I even announced it when I picked it up, like a good samaritan!”. His customer service skills are clearly top notch!

He even sells appliances…which, I’M SURE, didn’t come from any of the homes of the judgment-lacking customers he swindled into hiring him. Definitely not.

You know someone takes their career seriously when they advertise it on their personal page along with photos of themselves wearing the official uniform of the “diseased” while flipping the world off, and/or drinking in parking lots with their man-nips and baby beer-gut exposed.

And, just when you think you can’t possibly roll your eyes any harder:

OF COURSE, none of this issues or problems are his fault, duh! It’s obviously this damn state and their pesky laws and regulations! Sorry Captain Cokenail, but it’s clear you have a problem if even your friends and family members call out your bullshit on social media:

Anyway, if you’re looking to have your gutters cleaned, a new deck built, or some flooring installed…be on the look-out for and stay far away from FTP Construction, or your invoice will be paid via self-serve five finger discount.