Turtleboy Tryout

Turtleboy Tryout: Lawrence Bootleg Tattoo Artist Is Serving Up Spelling Errors With A Side Of Hepatitis

Turtleboy Tryout: Lawrence Bootleg Tattoo Artist Is Serving Up Spelling Errors With A Side Of Hepatitis

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Allow me to introduce myself turtle world. I live in Lawrence. I know, I know, but the rent’s cheap and I can sleep through gun battles so don’t break my balls. I’m new to the Turtle game and I’d like to go a different direction my first post. Let me ask you guys a question. What’s a common denominator in most of the hoodrat hero posts we see on here? Besides flat brims and EBT cards.

Tattoos.

But not just any tattoos, poorly done tattoos because their boy does tatz cheap. When in reality he’s just some dickhead who can’t draw a stick figure, but bought a bootleg tattoo machine and ink kit on ebay for $39.99. I say it’s time we expose the scratchers (non-pro tattoo “artist”). I want to post their work up for the Turtleriders enjoyment. And maybe to educate people not in the know that if you want a tattoo, you should do your homework and get it professionally done. It’s on you forever morons. And it may cause a chemical reaction to make you act like a scumbag. No scientific tests have been run on my last statement yet, but we’re working on it.

This is Michael Rivera:

I know right. Who’s going to tell that guy the tattoo he just gave them sucks? Anyways this mofo is one of the worst I have ever seen. And his Facebook is wide open filled with mangled open wounds for everyone to enjoy.

I’ve seen him around the local groups for years now. And he hasn’t gotten any better. The worst part is he charges close to the same amount as a reputable shop would. Let’s take a look at some of his work:

Virgin Mary or the dudes I see outside of Broadway liquors in Lawrence at 2am on a Tuesday? Mary’s got the disease. It’s a real shame.

Loyally? Idk bud, I don’t think that’s right. Better fire a line through that second L. I bet he charged extra. Those “roses” are fucked too. The reason why scratchers are called that is on full display here.

No fucking clue what’s going on here. Zace Wo? With some background anarchy? Who finishes this and goes “yup nailed it?”

This is a post he used to advertise his top level services. Which got me to thinking, there’s a zero percent chance he won’t tattoo a child. Maybe before this is posted I can message him and see if he will tattoo my 11 year old brother. My bet is I get a “yes”.

Fucking right you are! Nails on fleek. New tatz. This could have even been a tatz for stamps scenario. The world may never know.

Did this dude get in a knife fight or get a tattoo? I think both.

Now I’m pro-juggalo, but let’s face facts. Most of those mutants are inhaling nitrous cartridges in between meth hits and covered in shitty tattoos. Woop woop!

This is what hepatitis looks like. $80 please.

Holy fuck Batman! It’s the joker and he has a new secret power. It’s tetanus.

Need a scratch job finished? No fucking problem. Big Mike can make a Hep-C joker happen any time, any place.

Just speechless on this one. What the fuck dude? I’d kill to hear the conversations when these tattoos were finished. “Fucking killed it. Factz”

I could honestly do this all day there’s so much trash in his albums. But we’ll wrap it up with my all time favorite. Wait, that isn’t how you spell misunderstood bro……

It’s hard when Microsoft Word doesn’t give you the red line. Fire a diamond in there and we gucci. Diamonds gonna be an extra $50 though. Cough it up or else.

43 Comment(s)
  • TJB
    TJB
    March 24, 2018 at 3:26 pm

    Lakeshia, you and Latrina go to LGH emergency room….I need more rubber gloves and gauze.

    • MikePerfecto Tattoos
      August 19, 2019 at 8:15 pm

      I know this fkr in the personal way. When i met him he sounded like he knows what hes talking about, when i got to see his work i almost vomited. I tried to help him on giving him classes but he thought he knew it all. One day i went to show him a portfolio of mines and between the talking i left without my portfolio. The (Catch)…. his name is the same as mines and i was getting calls from random people threatening me because I supposedly i infected them and messed up their tattoo including a father because supposedly i tattooed his daughter that was a minor. Ive been in the business almost 20 years when i got to meet all the people that supposedly i tattooed we all came to the conclusion that obviously it wasn’t me. Aaalso this duchebag used my portfolio and claimed it was his work because it said By Michael Rivera so now i changed my artist name and my business name. This guy deserves his hands to be chopped off. The day i totally cut him off was the day he said he was tattooing her close to her VJJ and claimed that when he was tattooing her he was playing with her clit. I told him thats fk up you dont do that. This guy is a disgrace.

  • Sara
    December 24, 2017 at 6:16 pm

    Lol. I love how people wanna call out others but can’t even speak properly. Bunch of uneducated dimwits. I personally have a few tattoos from him and has always been more than clean and the work is actually really good and never caught anything. Maybe whoever caught hepatitis is a low life druggy just like 80% of people in the city of Lawrence. Fucking idiots ‍♀️

    • Archie
      December 25, 2017 at 10:10 am

      You’re a fucking moron and you deserve the shitty tattoos you got from him.

    • Finn
      December 26, 2017 at 8:45 pm

      Sara (aka Stevie Wonder),

      “I love how people wanna call out others but can’t even speak properly. Bunch of uneducated dimwits.”

      Irony at it’s best. Using the word “wanna”, leaving out a comma after “others”, and the last 4 words is just fragmented sentence.

      “the work is actually really good”

      He must have given you a jizz target only your johns can see.

      Fondly,
      Finn

    • John
      December 26, 2017 at 9:31 pm

      oh it’s the turtles version of free my boy, but it’s “my boy doesn’t spread hepatitis and gives great tattoos instead. ummmmmm, ok sure

  • Toast
    December 24, 2017 at 3:04 pm

    Well aren’t you all just full of sunshine. Fuck. Wasn’t perfect but let’s not all be cocks. -1 star for juggalo support but I like the idea, I approve.

  • SVU
    December 24, 2017 at 12:09 pm

    Welcome. Look forward to your next blog. 😉

    On another note, that man is gonna feel pretty dumb walking around with that spelled that way on his body, but than again, he should of noticed it too while it was being done. so you get what you get! Lmao!!!

    • festivus
      December 24, 2017 at 12:19 pm

      it’s a blogger tryout <3

  • True
    December 24, 2017 at 6:54 am

    Better than fiesty lawyer lady

  • Mel Main
    December 24, 2017 at 2:51 am

    A valiant effort, worthy of staying in play. The best way to approach expansion is to consider the pool. Some good solid digs, very articulate in observation, appeared to cover all the key basis. Need some chuckle fodder though, it is what we are. At least IMO. An observation fo the guy’s dumb ass tattoo business logo would have been room for a good zinger. I mean WTF is that, thats playing to the Framingham and Walpole MCI crowd, not your common Lawrence ink junkie. ASnd how about the, I surmise, is the other half? We know from that photos folder mid shot, there’s about 300+ other LBs behind that side-by-side! lol. I’d also be careful of whats funny to the self may not neccessarily be to others, loyally is a word, and one I have seen used numerous times. I agree a stupid single word for a tat, but one that seems to appeasse numerous. I would have also expanded on the broke ass work load. I got tats, many, the artists I go to, takes months to get them, especially if it is a detailed pictorial level. Even words though may take 2-3 weeks to get in. This guy? “So who wants to get tatted up today.” This guy is constantly advetising open time (which most likely menas full open days!.) Broke arse crayon master. TBS Larry did sort of allude, but one could miss it. Defintiely worthy though of keeping in the running. Open wound portfolio, Tats for EBT funds, lol.

  • NagginBoutNuffin
    December 24, 2017 at 2:47 am

    Everyone hating on the new guy is why I decided not to try out to be a TBS blogger. This guy wasn’t outstanding, or very creative/original, but I don’t think he was that bad…There weren’t any spelling errors or use/mix up of the wrong versions of where/were- which seems to happen to the other bloggers, pretty often. (Maybe they should consider hiring an editor or proofread before hitting send).

    They seem to point out other’s using the wrong spelling/version of certain words, so they should be more careful when they’re typing, themselves.

    Other than that, I love TBS and what they do. I’m just a nitpick.

  • Burt Hurtensteiner
    December 23, 2017 at 10:58 pm

    I like the article! However, I do not think the proposed concept will succeed. Specifically, multiple articles on “horrible tats” will get boring fast!

  • Ramon
    December 23, 2017 at 10:13 pm

    The public shaming game in TurtleTryout is on point, but the writing seems forced.

    We need more made up words from you!

    • John
      December 23, 2017 at 10:18 pm

      only made up words you’ll get from this duesch rag are the ones he steals from everyone else… “FACTZ”……

  • Dennis
    December 23, 2017 at 9:40 pm

    HIV bonus too.

  • Proud Turtlerider
    December 23, 2017 at 8:58 pm

    Sure why not hire a Lawrence ink muppet with the witty verbiage of a recycling bin. Next week to keep things trashy you can go after Paula pincushion from the Providence piercing pogata!

  • John
    December 23, 2017 at 8:28 pm

    my 93 year old blind grandmother writes a blog

    • Finn
      December 24, 2017 at 4:12 pm

      “my 93 year old blind grandmother writes a blog”

      She gives a decent handy as well – what’s your point?

  • Getting worse and worse
    December 23, 2017 at 8:02 pm

    Each blog is shittier than the last. TB has fallen off. Another shitty writer to the already shitty turtleboy team

    • Raw Vaje Patrol
      December 23, 2017 at 9:07 pm

      Yet here you are ya fahkin hairless cunt. Your pussy hurt?

  • Dude sucks but on par with recent blogs
    December 23, 2017 at 6:54 pm

    Well if tb wants to continue their half assed shorty blogs, sure, add this schmuck to the team

    • Finn
      December 23, 2017 at 7:00 pm

      Jealous?

  • Finn
    December 23, 2017 at 6:29 pm

    Nice job Tryout Turtleboy – well done.

    Finn

  • The Vorlon
    The Vorlon
    December 23, 2017 at 5:49 pm

    Does Ciprofloxacin come in 55 gallon drums?

  • John
    December 23, 2017 at 5:41 pm

    so for starters, this guys tats do suck. But if your going to bust on them, make sure u see them correctly. There is a T in that crappy loyalty one. Very thin line, but there. This was a nice attempt, but not turtle worthy. Sorry

    • Lenny
      December 23, 2017 at 5:49 pm

      *you’re. And the line was pointed out dummy. Learn how to read.

      • John
        December 23, 2017 at 5:59 pm

        I can read just fine. it says “better fire a line through that second L”. But no worries, u keep doing what u do… yes a u and not a you…

        • gfldgadfly
          December 23, 2017 at 11:21 pm

          Did you not get the joke about the second L? Author was pointing out the scratcher tried to turn it into a T after the fact. That was the jab. I’ll be here all night, in case you need any more dry humour spelled out in dingbats terms.

    • Finn
      December 23, 2017 at 6:39 pm

      Fuck off John.

      “But if your going to bust on them, make sure u see them correctly. There is a T in that crappy loyalty one. Very thin line, but there.”

      He very astutely pointed out that the hack artist “fire[d] a line through that second L. I bet he charged extra. “. He caught it.

      Before you criticize, understand the context of his remarks.

      Other than that, have a nice holiday.

      Fondly,
      Finn

      • John
        December 23, 2017 at 6:49 pm

        ugh, bloggers that can’t take criticism. oh well… Enjoy your holiday.

        • Poo
          December 23, 2017 at 11:50 pm

          When the criticism is a product of the critic’s lack of literacy, yeah, that doesn’t end to go over well. Nice try, though.

  • They call me Ponch
    December 23, 2017 at 5:05 pm

    WOW! I mean WOW!
    There’s better art on the bathroom wall at work.

    (granted we have some clever fucking DaVinci’s there)

  • Robert Saget
    December 23, 2017 at 5:01 pm

    Brilliant.

  • NOREEN FAUDREE
    December 23, 2017 at 4:51 pm

    Liking the concept .

  • Light One Up
    December 23, 2017 at 4:50 pm

    Looks like laces and says Lace Up. Must be some hockey playing clown. Bunch of dumbasses that get tattoos like any of those.

    • Just an FYI
      December 23, 2017 at 6:25 pm

      Lace Up is in reference for that Ohio rapper MGK aka Machine Gun Kelly. I believe it was the name of one of his albums. The “A” in the back is a sorry attempt of the anarchy logo that Machine Gun Kelly uses often as well.

    • Bulldog
      December 24, 2017 at 10:15 am

      Light One Up,

      I played hockey until I was around 18-19 years old. I’ve never seen “laces up.” It looks like it could be a reference to Jordans or all those other super expensive, yet ugly, shoes that people in Springfield like to brag about, but can’t pay their basic bills.

  • Laina
    December 23, 2017 at 4:48 pm

    Mingya Valley Turtleboy rules!

  • even though it sounds like a juggalo.......
    December 23, 2017 at 4:35 pm

    im just gonna upvote this tryout cos it sounds like a dude.

    please bring us a dude for Christmas, turtleboy

    • 5HourEnergy’d
      December 23, 2017 at 6:08 pm

      I thought the writing was awful, flow too choppy, and void of wit. However, your comment made it funny because of the sexist “please excuse this piece of crap because we need a guy writer around here.” You convinced me to upvote.

      • festivus
        December 23, 2017 at 8:08 pm

        what turtleboy said, on a turtleboy live, regarding auditions was that in the past, people sending a tryout seemed to be sounding like himself in order to be chosen. too same-y,lacking original voice.

        BUT PEOPLE IT’S FUCKING FESTIVUS !!! be nice.

        • festivus
          December 24, 2017 at 12:17 pm

          ps 5hr that wasn’t directed at you at ALL haha i was just fucking around

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