Chris Simms Says Peyton Manning Better Than Tom Brady Because He Beat The 0-9 Oakland Raiders

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Serious question – if you’re a Denver Broncos fan do you honestly give a shit that Peyton Manning broke another record yesterday? Because I’m trying to imagine what it feels like to root for Peyton Manning, and shenanigans like yesterday’s 41-17 whitewashing of the Oakland Raiders would honestly upset me more than arouse me. I mean, was there anything more predictable than Peyton running up the score on the worst team in the NFL? Everyone and their mother knew that after Tom Brady and the New England Patriots completely emasculated Peyton last week that Manning would beat up on the worst team in football. Because that’s what he does. He runs the score up on shitty teams, breaks records, and then chokes when it matters most.

So if I’m a Broncos fan, I’m almost mad that they kept throwing the ball. Like, we’re not impressed by this shit dude. Win a fucking Super Bowl tomorrow or I want Tebow back. If Brady continually choked against Manning (instead of vice versa) and followed it up by shellacking Jacksonville it would mean less than nothing to me. But not these Broncos fans…

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Oh good grief. My boy Bach Nguyen obviously has his priorities straight. Who cares about dumb things like winning when there’s all these really important RECORDS to break??!!

But with these people it’s kind of understandable. You can’t control yahoos on Facebook. They’re like North Korea – delusional and insane but if you just ignore them they’re pretty harmless. But what I don’t understand is how people who are actually paid to analyze the game regurgitate this nonsense. One of these geniuses is Chris Simms, the lucky sperm of notable moron Phil Simms. Here’s what Chris Simms had to say to Monday Morning Quarterback after Manning’s facializing of the 0-9 Raiders:

Simms: I hate how everybody just says Tom Brady and Peyton Manning are the best two quarterbacks in football. They’re not. Are they gonna be 65 years old and we’ll all be saying, “Brady and Manning are still the best?” Tom Brady’s not in my top five. I mean, he’s still really good, but I like other guys better. I’d go Aaron Rodgers one, Andrew Luck two, Ben Roethlisberger three, Russell Wilson four and Peyton five.


Simma don nah Chris Simms. I’ve seen better judgement from horny frat boys at last call. And could he possibly pick a worse time to say this? I mean, I could understand writing this nonsense back in September when the world was convinced that Brady officially sucked. But since the emasculating drubbing the Kansas City Chiefs gave us on MNF, all Brady has done is throw 18 touchdowns and 1 interception in five games. Oh yea, and for what it’s worth he won all of those games by double digits except for the New York Jets game.

I’m convinced that this was a prank or something. Big Ben just lost to the God damn Jets yesterday. THE JETS!!! Russell Wilson? Nice guy, nice quarterback, but if you think he’s in Brady’s realm then I’d like to offer you a once in a lifetime opportunity to buy me world famous Nantucket horse ranch. I mean, no one can honestly believe what he was saying unless they were taking whatever drugs Wes Welker was on at the Kentucky Derby.

Either way, Tom Brady is the NFL MVP right now. He’s thrown for 22 TD’s and only 3 INT’s. We’re gonna look back at the Chiefs game like we’ll look at the Bruins blowing a 3-0 lead to the Flyers back in 2010. It was so embarrassing on so many levels that it forced both teams to get their collective heads out of their asses and do what they’re built to do – win championships. Pats will finish 13-3, get homefield throughout the playoffs and win the Super Bowl. Turtleboy Sports guarantee.

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2 Comment(s)
  • November 10, 2014 at 7:56 pm

    “Simms was taken in the third round of the 2003 draft, played for 3 different teams and started 16 games total before retiring after the 2010 season.”

    Brady has more TDs in the last five games than Chris Simms has NFL starts.

  • Wabbitt
    November 10, 2014 at 7:43 pm

    Rodgers and Brees are the best of their generation. Luck and Wilson are most likely going to be the best of their generation. But I wouldn’t put any of the four of them ahead of Brady.

    My all time top five would be Montana, Brady, Farve, Elway, and Marino. Then MAYBE Manning and Roethlisberger.

    Maybe. I mean seriously, Manning has a ring and Marino doesn’t, but he won the damn thing against the lousy Bears – one of the worst teams to ever make it to a Super Bowl. They’re up there with 1994 Chargers who got the shit kicked out of them by Steve Young and the 49ers.

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