Chudmuffin Parks His White Audi R8 In Handicapped Spots, Fire Lanes, And Multiple Regular Spots In Chelmsford Because Ballers Don’t Park Like The Commoners

Chudmuffin Parks His White Audi R8 In Handicapped Spots, Fire Lanes, And Multiple Regular Spots In Chelmsford Because Ballers Don’t Park Like The Commoners

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Here’s your asshole of the day out of Chelmsford:

Whoever drives this car is apparently trying out for the dickbag Olympics, and safe to say he’s taking home the gold. I got nothing against anyone who drives a car like that. Good for you for doing whatever it is that led you to this wonderful vehicle. We get it, you have a huge cock. But everyone already assumes you’re a self-centered dooshnozzle when they see you driving that thing. The least you can do is be a little bit inconspicuous, and at least pretend that you’re one of the common men.

Not this asshole though. Parking in one handicapped spot wasn’t enough for him. He had to take up TWO spots, because no one is ever allowed to park close to his chick white BMW.

Who owns this car anyway? That would be Sam Patel:

As you can see that is a different car. But the New Hampshire plates are the same. The car in his profile picture is the Audi A7. He’s since upgraded to the Audi R8 – a $125,000 car. Probably why Sam Patel gets to roll with Gronk:

Oh look, it’s the guy from the club who orders gray goose because his baller image is the only thing that matters, but doesn’t realize that the bartender filled it up with Mr. Boston’s because people like him don’t know the difference anyway.

An as you can see from the dress moccasins he wore to some bootleg red carpet event, he is a true player for real. Everyone knows that this is just how Patel’s roll. It’s like Americans named Kennedy or Hilton. Rules don’t apply to you because you’re rich off the family money. Ballers like this don’t park in one spot, and they certainly don’t give a flying fuck about the guy in the wheelchair. Not his problem you’re too lazy to walk.

The worst part about this? He was parking at a tanning salon. He’s also Indian, which makes tons of sense.

In fairness, we did reach out to Sam Patel for his side of the story. He initially claimed it wasn’t a handicapped spot. But once we pointed out that it clearly was, he switched his excuse to the “I was just in and out” schtick”:

“From the gym.” Who goes to the gym to just buy a drink? Oh right – no one. He just wanted to incorporate the fact that he goes to the gym into the conversation.

So yea, Sam Patel is your dooshnozzle of the day. And it would be a shame if something happened to his baby the next time he parks it in a handicapped spot. Just sayin.



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20 Comment(s)
  • maxs
    May 15, 2017 at 6:08 pm

    hey i live in littleton not far from you ijust might cruiser around chelmsford some day -you ever hear of keying a car – its going to happen scum bag

  • Dave
    May 12, 2017 at 12:05 pm

    Haha I worked for this guy trust me the douchebagery doesn’t end there

  • Sam Patel is a fag
    May 12, 2017 at 9:12 am

    I’m gonna put keys in every one of Ganesh’s 8 arms and have that stupid elephant looking thing key the shit out of his cock magnet car. He is clearly gay and in that picture with Gronk, he is obviously flashing the number of times he let Gronk nut in his gay Isis beard with 3 day growth so he can look like a super metro-fag. I hope ICE raids his family’s CB Perkins store and they round up all of them and ship their Hepatitis A invested asses back to the 3rd world shithole they came from.

    • Sam is your daddy
      May 12, 2017 at 11:04 am

      Leave the religion out of it. You didn’t complain when your minister fiddled with your balls so y u worried about anyone else’s balls.

      • Nukka Please
        May 14, 2017 at 12:53 pm

        Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh leave religion out of it. Waaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh I worship stupid fucking elephants and cows and I come from a country that gang rapes women and then blames them for being raped because we’re a bunch of dirty diseased pieces of shit.

  • Old Salt
    May 12, 2017 at 8:54 am

    Google “zip tie shopping cart to car”
    This seems like the perfect solution to this problem.

  • paul
    May 11, 2017 at 11:06 pm

    Indians are the rudest most self centered assholes on the earth. I worked with several and they are all shit bags.

    • Meg
      May 12, 2017 at 4:10 am

      I actually think Indians are really nice, hardworking people.

      • Peter
        May 12, 2017 at 6:02 am

        Shut up Meg.

  • Madcow not Rachel
    May 11, 2017 at 10:14 pm

    TB…………..No cow jokes.

  • Joseph shit, the ragman
    May 11, 2017 at 8:30 pm

    Yup dudes a dick for parking in handicap spot, but that said all you are haters being jealous cuz you ain’t got shit. I’m sure your 92 dodge Dakota smells like Marlboros and a muddy puddle….fuck him n fuck you.

    • Joe Blow
      May 12, 2017 at 12:03 pm

      Congrats, you’re a moron

  • Devils Mouthpiece
    May 11, 2017 at 4:47 pm

    I have a key and matching ice pick just itching to meet the paint and tires.

    • Woo Tang Man
      May 12, 2017 at 6:35 am

      And I’ve got a vice that is just itching to see you wake up and find your head in it. Loser.

  • Lightbulb
    May 11, 2017 at 3:58 pm

    “I got nothing against anyone who drives a car like that. Good for you for doing whatever it is that led you to this wonderful vehicle.”

    What if it was gotten with drug money? Would that be ok?

    • Alexander Knight
      May 11, 2017 at 6:59 pm

      Did you see his name? It was gotten with Holiday Inn, Subway and Dunkin Donuts Money, don’t kid yourself.

  • Turtledove
    May 11, 2017 at 3:39 pm

    I’d be the one to park about 2 inches from the driver’s side.

    • Sam Patel is a fag
      May 12, 2017 at 9:14 am

      I was thinking the same thing

  • Johnny5
    May 11, 2017 at 3:25 pm

    I bet the interior smells like curry

    • Duke Westwood
      May 11, 2017 at 3:29 pm

      I was thinking the Ganges on bath day…

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