Chudwump Who Says He Works In Social Media Management And That We Look Like Morons For Getting Pages Shut Down, Ends Up Getting His Page Shut Down 

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Yesterday we published this blogwhich included screenshots of a jilted turtle rider who wouldn’t shut up about how he had all the answers to our Facebook problems, but we didn’t.

There was a lot more, but you get the point. This is not advice. This is just one person liking the sound of his own voice.

(“Just like I said”)

But I don’t know what I’m talking about…

Be more pretentious. You can’t.

Oh wait, yes he can:

I work in social media management for a living.”

They will lose this debate with me.”

They won’t respond because I’ll tear them apart, because I know what I’m talking about and they don’t.”


Let it be known – if anyone out there can fix our Facebook problem we will pay you $5,000. Cash. If you’re really that much of an expert then come get paid. Until then we just assume you’re a yahoo tooting your own horn.

Anyway, in the ultimate twist of irony Joey ended up calling another turtle rider the magical “c” word. He also started inviting them to have a big bite of his portobello mushroom kabob:

Then that turtle rider did this:

For the record this is not something we condone. No one should be reporting anyone on Facebook for anything. We shouldn’t even have that option. Social media should be a free speech zone for adults who can handle it. If you see something you don’t like then ignore it and move on with your life.

But this was just too ironic not to share. The guy who knows everything about how to keep Facebook accounts from getting shut down, gets his Facebook shut down while lecturing us about how not to get our Facebook pages shut down.

I work in social media management for a living.”

Cool story bro. That sounds like someone signing up for Trigglypuff to be their Beach Body coach.

They will lose this debate with me.”

Looks like we won, because our page is here and your’s isn’t.

They won’t respond because I’ll tear them apart, because I know what I’m talking about and they don’t.”

Looks like we were right the whole time – Facebook is an unpredictable wasteland where people who whine the most always win. Just like we said.

Don’t. Poke. The. Turtle.

29 Comment(s)
  • TurtleBook
    January 13, 2018 at 8:42 pm

    Jesus, if that profile pic doesn’t scream future diddler…

  • Fgcfgx
    January 12, 2018 at 1:58 pm

    As long as TBS creates content, people will read it. As long as there are scummy losers exploiting the system, there will be people who want to identify and shame them.

    You can’t kill this concept.

    Honestly wish these reporting cunts would choke though.

    January 12, 2018 at 11:40 am

    TBS brass should update us on the status of this legal wrangling so we dont look like idiots fending for them. Do it on a private medium or something. Throwing a thought out there.
    Any lawsuit will come with a docket number, totally public info, how about at least a docket #$.

    Ready to fight to the death for the green shell, but dont make us look like retards!

    • Hugh Jass
      January 12, 2018 at 2:15 pm

      Wait, you believe that bollocks that TB is peddling?! TB is no more filing a lawsuit versus FB than I am Santa Claus… my gosh you TB readers are gullible.

  • Hugh Jass
    January 12, 2018 at 8:12 am

    Oh, no, FB and DeDe and her legions are quaking in their boots over the impotent bluster and threats of lawsuit… boy, TBS is a big tough guy, constantly threatening to sue but never actually filing suit… pathetic.

  • Lost before you started...
    January 12, 2018 at 8:06 am

    Here’s some info for free.. I doubt your $5k check would cash anyways..

    1. Drop the “Facebook should be like the telephone company” crap – it’s complete BS and displays a real lack of how services work. Telephone, electric, etc all have to contract with governments (federal, state and local) to place poles, pipes, use frequencies etc. So they are open to regulation. FB does none of that.

    2. You won’t win any legal arguments by “The FB CEO told investors every complaint is reviewed by a person!” – I can promise you that is NOT what their documents to shareholders say. No one cares what a CEO says – what does the paperwork say?

    3. Whomever is launching this attack against you has used FB’s machine learning like a weapon. They keep reporting the pictures with your stupid turtle logo in them – they have poisoned the FB neural network weights against the image. Any time an image with that logo in it gets reported, the negative weights *automatically* make it more likely to get banned.

    So why doesn’t that happen to someone like Coke or Pepsi? Because the 10 million likes they get for their images favor the positive weights… wanna fix it? Get 10 to 20 times the likes as you get negative reports (pro tip: you can’t). And now that the poisoning has begin, it’s gonna be basically impossible to reverse…

    The lawsuit is fake (in fact, there is no lawsuit – only the ‘investigation’ of one… it won’t happen). The app is fake – will never happen. The dumpster fire is real tho… very real.

    • Wonderfully Stated!
      January 12, 2018 at 11:00 am

      So wonderfully stated “Lost Before You Started…”!!!!!

      TurtleFucker doesn’t understand this! They never will!!! They are too arrogant to EVER accept anyone else’s opinion! It will be their downfall in the end!

      Does anyone have the gravestone ready for TBS, to be placed in their own “cemetery”???

    • Grandpa TurtleBoy
      January 13, 2018 at 9:30 pm

      Hey, Joe Lawton. Are you into BDSM? Because you seem to love getting tied up and cornholed by people bigger than you.
      Listen, Ace, you poked the Turtle and got burnt. Suck it up, go back to Main Street Hub or wherever your little tech support job is and cut your losses because this won’t end well for you.
      I really hope you don’t stop though. You really are a lot of fun.

  • Independent Thinker
    January 12, 2018 at 7:50 am

    Yet another reason to avoid facebook. They want to control what we say, how we say it, what we read, and what we get for news. My feeling is that if you don’t like something, then don’t look at it. Just don’t tell me I can’t look at it.

    “Social Media Manager.” What a joke!

  • Angel Hair
    January 12, 2018 at 6:21 am

    What is a Social media manager? Is that the politically correct term for blogger these days?
    It sounds real important.

    • True Reality Speaks
      Mirror Mirror
      January 13, 2018 at 10:04 am

      It’s code for unemployed millennial living in Mom’s basement.

  • Jessie Marie
    January 12, 2018 at 5:04 am

    needs to grow the hell up. What’s the matter, Jess, did your wittle feelz get hurt? Don’t believe TBS can fight their own battles, they need the big bad Jessie to come and tattle for them?

  • Finn
    January 11, 2018 at 11:28 pm

    Joseph Lawton,

    Do you really believe you work in “social media management” for a living? Googling doesn’t count. We all have Google.

    Facebook works off an algorithm because of staffing limitations. We all know this (it’s been publicized) – it is on going problem, you didn’t master the FB algorithm, – you filled out the right form and TBS was blocked. You didn’t *do* anything. I’ve been sent hard core porn and couldn’t get that person banned. Why? because it didn’t fit the algorithm. Ugh. You did something a 7 year old could do. Congratulations. You did nothing.

    “They won’t respond because I’ll tear them apart, because I know what I’m talking about and they don’t.”

    TBS Responded and TBS spanked you.

    BTW, I’m responding again – do you want me to do an even deeper *probe* on you? (no, not the fun kind)

    Do *not* poke the turtle.


    • Hugh Jass
      January 12, 2018 at 8:16 am

      DeDe poked the turtle and is laughing all the way to the bank. She and her legions have brought TBS to heel. TBS, it seems, has a bark that is far worse than its bite…

      • Finn
        January 12, 2018 at 8:59 am

        “DeDe poked the turtle and is laughing all the way to the bank.”

        What bank? Isn’t she always begging for money? She’s the idiot allergic to work and keeping a job. Do people really take her serious? Big dummies.

    • Joe
      January 13, 2018 at 4:10 am

      Dude are you threatening me with butt sex?

    • mitch
      January 15, 2018 at 5:06 pm

      probe em finny, probe em. I’m starting to ,ahem, like you Finn.
      skeptically yours,

  • Awwwww
    January 11, 2018 at 10:50 pm

    I’ve been sticking it to Turtleboy’s wife lol

  • Susan B
    January 11, 2018 at 10:23 pm

    OMG – this guy is psychotic. Why does he care so much about TB?

  • fshshshsg
    January 11, 2018 at 10:21 pm

    I don’t care, I laughed when I saw that Nelson gif.

  • Flag Master
    January 11, 2018 at 10:12 pm

    I flag everything on Facebook, just to fuck zucks algorithms up.
    Thousands of others do this as well.
    Glad to see our efforts paying off.

    • Master Flag It
      January 11, 2018 at 10:16 pm

      Turtleboy is just a casualty of war against FB

    • Hugh Jass
      January 12, 2018 at 8:15 am

      But how will TBS massive lawsuit succeed if you do that?! You know, the lawsuit that he has been promising for months and months? The one that never seems to materialize?

  • Lolajack
    January 11, 2018 at 10:01 pm

    Does anybody have any information on where I can find the Turtleboy Paypal account?

    • Hugh Jass
      January 12, 2018 at 8:13 am

      Snicker. Good one. DeDe makes more in one day than TBS makes in one month…

      • Snickerback
        January 12, 2018 at 11:13 am

        Not for long. The taxman cometh.


        give a smothered or half-suppressed laugh.
        “the boys at school were sure to snigger at him behind his back”
        a smothered or half-suppressed laugh.

  • Chad Penn
    January 11, 2018 at 9:43 pm

    First off, this yahoo wants all to think he knows law., claiming federal action on free speech. Those are US Supreme Court level type arguments, which I presume TBS is not pursuing. There are however different federal and state laws, such as the Communications Decency Act and California’s anti-SLAPP (Strategic Lawsuit Against Public Participation) statutes which most hardheartedly could be pursued. There are others. His broad sweeping state action claim is law school 101 and weak at best. I would also presume the main argument TBS would make is FB violating its own Terms Of Service? (Sorry I know that is it, recall reading it.) If TBS or any other entity loses business or is deformed (yes, the mighty deformation) then it would show financial or character injury, which can be used to force a reversal of a FB action. The point is, there are so many arguments to be made, a good lawyer will research and pursue it. I am presuming, again, this is what TBS is doing. So Mr. Lawton, you can kiss our big collective wiener and hair pie!!!

    • Joe
      January 13, 2018 at 3:28 pm

      Nope. Numerous cases of this exist, and never has FB been made to reverse any action. Also, someone who seems so well versed in the law (or at least tries to make people appear so) should know that it’s defamation, not deformation. Lmao you simpleton. Obviously they can show financial loss, look at what has happened to their sponsorships. Facebook isn’t responsible for that, Facebook can do what it wants, when it wants with its own service.

  • msheadkracker
    January 11, 2018 at 9:42 pm

    This kid is a douche canoe, plain and simple. He did the whole “I’m better than you in every way, nah nah boo boo” bullshit that makes him think he’s all superior. Someone who has such a background in social media broke one of the most cardinal rule, don’t use profanity, you can get your point across without it. This little turd sandwich used half a dozen phrases that got him shut down. Who’s laughing now bitch-boy?

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