City Councillor Mike Gaffney Got The Most Hilarious Voicemail From He Who Shall Not Be Named About Massive Lawsuit, Petition In Front Of Council To Stop Turtleboy

City Councillor Mike Gaffney Got The Most Hilarious Voicemail From He Who Shall Not Be Named About Massive Lawsuit, Petition In Front Of Council To Stop Turtleboy

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The People’s Councilor Michael T. Gaffney gets a lot of shit because he’s one of the few elected officials looking out for the people who elected him. Unlike some of the other assbags whose lone political accomplishments seems to be having a dish temporarily named after them at O’Connor’s, he has consistently voted for the lowest residential tax rate, held corrupt institutions (Mosaic) accountable, and had the courage to take on the McGovern Crime Family.

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But this comes with a price. He’s been called every name in the book – racist, sexist, hippiephobic, etc. The Turtlegram’s Dianne Williamson seems to have an unhealthy obsession with him, second only to Donald Trump himself. His world class legal services are also advertised on Turtleboy Sports.


And the price he has to pay is getting voicemails like this one, from a failed Mayoral candidate in Fitchburg (whose name is not worthy of mention) who doesn’t like to shovel his walkway and has been working on a massive civil action for the last 8-10 years. Listen to the madness:

It’s like every rant you’ve ever read from the butthurt patrol, except with a voice. The best part is he actually believes the things he’s saying.

“They feel that they can publicly shame people to the point of criminal harassment.”

Yup. Because posting screenshots of dumb things people said is harassment.

“We have 10,000 screenshots, we’ve got all the names. We are seeking a civil action against him, and all those who sponsor them. ” 

LOL. “We.”

“They have threatened to violently rape my 15 year old daughter.”

Oh, I see, it’s his daughter now. Got it.

“My niece, rather, my brothers daughter.”

Must’ve missed that blog. I’m sure they’re thrilled to be dragged into this. All I know is, this mystery 15 year old girl never seems to age. Because in every single of these rants she’s always 15. I don’t know what sucks more – never having a birthday, or having an uncle like this.

“We’ve got all these screenshots saved on thumb drives, we just have to copy the thumb drives to the number of people who are gonna be defendants in the lawsuit.”

Well, sounds like we’re fucked. I mean, we’ve overcome a lot of Internet lawsuits before, but no one has ever used a thumb drive. Until now. As soon as they get copies to the non-existent co-defendants we’ll be having a going out of business sale.


“We’re gonna have to change the way we do things around here.”

Sounds serious. VERY serious!!

“I’m gonna bring it to the City Council and we’re gonna talk about it.”

That would be the greatest City Council meeting ever. I would pay any amount of money to see this.

“What they’re doing is deplorable, it’s beyond deplorable, it’s illegal.” 

Strong point.

“I know there’s certain police that block this in the courts. I understand the connections, we got em all down, and we’re gonna go around them. When we bring this forward we’re gonna show them the connections they have in the police station and in the courts.”

Corrupt police officer and court officials? Wow. Never heard of this theory before. Very original.

“It has to end. You guys have allowed this to go on.”

Pretty sure the City Council doesn’t allow blogs to exist, but OK.

“You participate yourself. I feel that you’re liable yourself. So you will be receiving a copy of it, whether you’re your own attorney or you hire one, I would like that contact information.”

I’m sure Councilor Gaffney will make a point to get that contact information to him immediately. Definitely.

“My number is 978-790-2059.”

That was smart.

“Ya know, this has gone too far now. They overstepped that line. I got them down for stalking.”

Well, as long as you’ve got them down for it, that’s all that matters.

“They’ve made major mistakes. They just screenshot whatever they want and they don’t realize what’s in the background on their phones.”

Foiled again!!


“Now I know you’ll tell them and they’ll try to change it, but we already got all the screenshots, and it’s in motion.”

God damnet!! They’re always one step ahead of us!!

“We’ve been waiting for over a year to do this and we’re coming at ya, and it’s gonna be mentioned you’re gonna be exposed like you read about.”

Councilor Gaffney might as well just resign at this point. He’s gonna get destroyed by the Fitchburg Perry Mason.

“This is deplorable. Any man that can stand there and allow this stuff is no man. They’re a jellyfish. They’re a backboneless jellyfish.”

As opposed to jellyfish WITH backbones. Those are the much more noble jellyfish, even though they’re mutants that live next door to Chernobyl.

Anyway, we look forward to the Council meeting where Turtleboy is brought up by a brilliant man who served seven years in prison for killing a guy,  has no license, doesn’t pay Worcester taxes, and hitchhiked to get there. Should be epic.


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46 Comment(s)
  • Jeezus
    January 3, 2017 at 10:24 pm

    How did Turtleboy get the voicemail??

  • SMH
    January 3, 2017 at 9:06 pm

    I got nothin

    Will be the first council meeting they can sell tickets to

    January 3, 2017 at 7:12 pm




    • Poonstache Pete
      January 3, 2017 at 7:20 pm

      Tell us how you really feel??

    • January 3, 2017 at 7:45 pm

      You are a big fat welfare skinna and your mother is a fat lazy slob! fACT!
      Your father is a drunkard.
      Your brother is an unemployed criminal, OMG so are you!
      Your friend is a jobless convict, waiting to go back to A Block!
      Happy New Year Skinna!

    • TurtleBook
      January 3, 2017 at 7:49 pm

      I wish I could do this shit all day, it must be nice! Unfortunately, my stupid job gets in the way. Why don’t you get off FB, then get off your ass, and make an effort to do something productive with your life. It really is a beautiful world out there!

    • Toby
      January 3, 2017 at 8:23 pm

      Harassment? Isn’t that what you do on the regular with people who comment on the blog? PM’ing them, threatening them, trying to find out information. That is your MO. Stop playing the victim. You have brought this on yourself.

    • Andrew McDonough
      January 4, 2017 at 2:46 pm

      You mad? I’ve seen you mad…

      Take a couple extra kook pills tonight… (or a big enough handful that you quit respirating…)

      Satan is waiting for you… Murder is a sin… One you can’t atone for… The firey pits are calling for your soul Kevin….

    • Concerned mommy
      January 31, 2017 at 2:18 am

      You know there cupcake, what did you honestly expect after you put your number out there for the public to see?? This is a serious question. I see you can’t be trusted with technology, mommy may have to ground you and take away all access to the Internet! We’re you not taught that you should keep your private business off of the Internet. Mommy may have to get you a shock collar to keep you in the yard, you know so you don’t take candy from strangers or help that nice man find his lost puppy! You are brilliant if you threw your number out there so you can show your 1 friend in the world how popular you think you are!!

  • Wabbitt
    January 3, 2017 at 5:31 pm

    Hey – I’m not raping Emily. It’s consensual and beautiful.

    Well… and really dirty and sweaty. And she didn’t sit right for a few days after the last time. But she swears it was a good pain.

  • whatevuh
    Dick Hertz from Holden
    January 3, 2017 at 5:28 pm

    Don’t start calling and harassing him, that really is illegal ! I know from experience. I’m dead serious guys, don’t call him.

    • FiestyLawyerLady
      January 3, 2017 at 6:54 pm

      I don’t plan on harassing him. I just want to chit chat!! Perhaps talk about golf, the weather… Emily Emily emily…

  • Wwy
    January 3, 2017 at 5:19 pm

    For someone who don’t do politics you cover gaffney every move ,your right but don’t say you don’t cover politics because your wrong sometimes.

    January 3, 2017 at 4:45 pm

    Great story. I do wish I could reply to some of the loud mouths on the facebook page but Turtleboy had my account suspended.

    I would also private message them as well to let them individually know how much of a coward they are especially the men who show their bitch hand.lmao

    Nothing more comical than reading these straight guys bitch rants.lmao. Come out of the closet already as you just displayed that your panties are in a twisted bunch,lmao.

    • Andrew McDonough
      January 3, 2017 at 4:57 pm

      And, it’ll all amount to nothing. Just like your whole life. Do you not realize that you aren’t going anywhere? Your mayoral candidacy was treated as a joke. You never had a chance. Just like your litigation… It will never see adjudication. You’re the definition of frivolous. Life is hard, it’s even harder when you’re a moron. And you are a moron. Everybody makes fun of you. Don’t you even see that? You’re a waste of time, a waste of resources, a disappointment to your parents. Kevin Lynch is the best punchline I’ve heard in years. There is nothing worse than someone who thinks they are intelligent but haven’t brain one in their head. THAT IS YOU KEVIN.

    • Toby
      January 3, 2017 at 6:47 pm

      You are nothing but a professional victim in your eyes. You will not PM these people individually because you are a baby. Most if not all of those named are most likely blocked for contact not by them but by you.
      Last but not least. How many Monday’s is the named need to wait to be served. We have heard it all before and you produced absolutely nothing.

    January 3, 2017 at 4:14 pm

    Lmao. I love it. Gaffney played right into it all,lmao.

    He just definitely put himself as a defendant. I will now file a civil action just for him. Lmao.

    Thankyou Mike.

    • Terrance
      January 3, 2017 at 4:34 pm

      We’ll be waiting Kevin, just like we have the last 52 mondays. Why don’t you move out and let your mother enjoy the rest of her life. You such a failure and disappointment.

  • Craig
    January 3, 2017 at 2:39 pm

    Wow I hope nobody puts out A shit load of fake Craigslist ads and use that phone # as the reply contact!

  • Hugh Beaumont
    January 3, 2017 at 2:24 pm

    All this time and I didn’t know the murderer was gay.

      January 3, 2017 at 4:50 pm

      You didn’t know? Lmao. Why what is the difference now that you know girlfriend? Lmao.

  • Kevin's stink fist
    January 3, 2017 at 2:12 pm

    Hey Kevin, go fist yourself

    • Kevin Lynch's Wrinkled Star
      January 3, 2017 at 2:24 pm

      I’ve already been doing that as you can see. Do you have any other suggestions for things I can stuff up my back door? I’m willing to try anything.

  • Emily's uncle/Daddy
    January 3, 2017 at 2:00 pm

    I want you all to stop immediately ! This is not a joke and I will name each of you in this lawsuit! Mr. Jack Meof we already have your name down and forbthe rest of you this is a stern warning : I have a light saber and know how to use it! I’m coming for turledick and the rest, I’m filing the report as I type this .

  • Paul
    January 3, 2017 at 1:54 pm

    Such a donkey. I heard on the radio this am about a road rage incident where people were attacked with a golf club. I thought I was going to hear his name for sure.

  • Mr Butthurt
    January 3, 2017 at 1:30 pm

    Pure gold. I never layghed so hard..seriously.

    • Mr Butthurt
      January 3, 2017 at 1:31 pm

      LAUGHED !

      I was still doing it on reply.

  • Kevin Lynch
    January 3, 2017 at 1:23 pm


  • Duke Westwood
    January 3, 2017 at 1:15 pm

    I love the fact that TB refers to this jackhole as “a failed Mayoral candidate in Fitchburg (whose name is not worthy of mention)”, and DOES NOT say his name at all… Yet, everyone knows who it is. Great reputation you’ve got there Kevin!

  • Kevin's Conscience
    January 3, 2017 at 1:07 pm

    Kevin, it’s your conscience again…………sigh……..I told you last night while you were you were acting as David’s power bottom, resist the urge to become an even bigger fucktard than you were. I told you, don’t call and spew your verbal shit everywhere. Just like I told you don’t get involved in a street fight with a golf club in ’92.

    You NEVER listen Kevin. I realize that Turtleboy takes up a lot of real estate in your brain, but the first rule to get out of the hole is to stop digging. Enjoy getting your asshole gaped bigger than when David does it with his micropenis.

    • Kevin Lynch's Wrinkled Star
      January 3, 2017 at 2:05 pm

      But I like testing the elastic boundaries of my sphincter. You wouldn’t believe how wide I can stretch this thing.

      • David's Tiny Penis
        January 3, 2017 at 2:07 pm

        Kevin, we need to talk. I want to know whose giant dong has been up in there. There is no way your wrinkled star could have gotten like this from my package.

  • Kevins 9 Iron
    Kevi bashed in my skull
    January 3, 2017 at 1:02 pm

    Why? Why? WHY?

  • FiestyLawyerLady
    January 3, 2017 at 12:28 pm

    Oh my fucking God… this is a dream come true. I am definitely calling him sometime this week… I am not even joking!!

    • FiestyLawyerLady
      January 3, 2017 at 12:30 pm

      Obviously to cause him aggravation and stress as I think he’s a piece of shit murderer! Just wanted to clear that up…lol

  • Eric
    January 3, 2017 at 11:20 am

    Kevin Lynch??? Sounds more like Kevin Malone from the office

    • Wabbitt
      January 3, 2017 at 5:38 pm

      Did he spilled his chili everywhere?

  • Kevin's snow shovel
    January 3, 2017 at 11:16 am

    The awesomeness of this post of Facebook using Davy’s account (simple google search of the phone #)

    David Gonzalez‎
    Fitchburg Police Department
    August 30, 2015 ·

    My name is Kevin Lynch. I am writing with my significant other David Gonzalez. We are requesting to speak to Chief Martineau or a detective concerning a serious situation regarding cyber bullying which is beyond out of control and to the point where Dave and I fear for our safety. This is happening on Sam and Nick Sequalias new facebook site,”Discussing Fitchburg Now”.I have the screen shots of the allowed behavior.
    Please contact us at 978 790 2059. Thank you.

  • Jack Mehoff
    January 3, 2017 at 11:01 am

    Do we all need to find a safe space now?

  • Andrew McDonough
    January 3, 2017 at 11:00 am

    I’d like to file a counter-suit. I’ve had these fucking headaches for years. It all started when I made fun of this gap-toothed moron with an anal fetish and a smelly scally cap.

  • Jeanette C
    January 3, 2017 at 10:56 am

    I’m sure you guys and Mike are shaking in your boots, LOL……
    Michael Gaffney for Worcester Mayor 2017

  • Turd Burglestein
    January 3, 2017 at 10:49 am

    That big dummy left his phone number? I predict a dick pic attack in the near future for him.

    • Kevin Lynch
      January 3, 2017 at 11:21 am

      Oh no! Please don’t do that! I wouldn’t enjoy and/or masturbate to that at all. I would hate and/or be repulsed by that. David and I would be utterly shocked and appalled and not forced to break out the axle grease and baseball bats…

      • Turd Burglestein
        January 3, 2017 at 11:57 am

        Would you like me to send you some turds instead? I’ve got pictures of every shit I’ve taken since 2006. Just let me know…I’m more than happy to do you a solid.

        • The Poop Hole Loop Hole
          January 3, 2017 at 8:38 pm

          Every turd pic since 2006! This I gotta see!

    • Sloppy
      January 3, 2017 at 3:03 pm

      I’m not sure that Obamaphones can receive photos.

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