Clown Show Denver Media Won’t Stop Insisting Peyton Manning Is Better Than Tom Brady

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Turtleboy Sports and Tom Brady have many things in common. But most importantly reports of both legend’s deaths have been greatly exaggerated.

Believe it or not there are still millions of geniuses out there who think Peyton Manning is better than Tom Brady. Many of them live in Colorado and Indiana. This is what happens when you legalize pot.

Here’s the bottom line. Brady and Manning have now gone head to head 16 times, which of course is the equivalent of one complete regular season. The Patriots are 11-5 in those games. An 11-5 record makes the playoffs at least 90% of the time. So if Brady had to play Peyton Manning, the “best regular season quarterback of all time”, in EVERY SINGE GAME of the regular season, he would still make the playoffs. That’s all there really is to say about that. You play to win the game, and 11 times out of 16 Tom Brady won and Peyton Manning didn’t.


Oh yea, and how about Manning’s numbers? The ones that he and every other genius is obsessed with. Manning lovers will tell you that he’s the greatest ever because he’s got 515 touchdowns, while Brady has only 381. Right. But who cares that Manning has 224 interceptions, while Brady has 137? So Manning throws 2.29 touchdowns for every interception, while Brady throws 2.78 touchdowns for every interception. That doesn’t matter right?

That’s what this comes down to. They’re both good, but Brady doesn’t soil himself nearly as often as Manning does. He’s also not obsessed with individual statistics and scoreboard operators, and thus he focuses on stupid things… winning. Oh yea, and whenever they play each other all Brady does is win.


Did I mention that when Manning does beat Brady, it seems to be because the Patriots defense is a joke? Last year in the playoffs Manning couldn’t do jackdiddley poo until our boy Aqib Talib got hurt. Ya see Manning has no problem beating the Kyle Arrington’s and Leigh Bodden’s of the world. But as you saw in yesterday’s emasculating Patriots victory and in last year’s facializing defeat in the Super Bowl, he turtles (actually he’s an embarrassment to turtles) when he has to go against defensive backs who can actually play football (Revis, Browner, Sherman, Thomas).

But do you think any of that is gonna stop the Denver media from writing dumb things and insisting that Manning is better than Brady? Not with the good stuff they’ve got up in Denver now. Two geniuses from the Denver Post named Ben Hochman and Mark Kiszla wrote a piece the other day in which they had a little back and forth debate about who was better, Brady or Manning. Since they’re obviously brain dead from a lack of oxygen in the mile high city, they both believe Manning is better, but had different reasons why. Let’s look at how wrong they were…..

Hooch: Well, before I jump in to the specific, here’s my measure of greatness: Take Manning and Brady in their prime, right now, regardless. Ask 100 current NFL coaches, coordinators and assistants who they’d rather have as their quarterback. I’m betting that the majority would take Peyton F. Manning.

So let me get this straight. Manning is better than Brady because 100 current NFL coaches and other various league stooges would rather have him as their quarterback? Oh, well that settles that then. You know who wouldn’t be one of those coaches? Bill Belichick. Ever heard of him? Only the greatest coach in the NFL for the past 15 years. Passing on Brady is what other teams do. That’s why we got him in the 6th round. Because everyone else in America is dumber than we are. That’s why we have Harvard and everyone else has Oklahoma State.


Hooch: Either a dude’s a Super Bowl winner, and he’s great, or he’s a Super Bowl loser, and he can’t achieve true greatness.These aren’t my rules, but we just have to play by them. 

Newsflash – these aren’t ANYONE’s rules. The concept that winning is all that matters was put in place by God himself. It’s a universal truth. Dumb animals get eaten or starve because they choke under pressure when it’s time to kill delicious antelope. Smart animals kill dumb animals in the clutch and get to live. Winning is all that has ever mattered and all that will continue to matter. It’s why LeBron will never hold Jordan’s jockstrap. Ever since every kid started getting a trophy winning has become deemphasized. I’m old school. When you lose you bring shame to your family.

Kiz: But if football is the ultimate team game, then why has measuring the greatness of a quarterback become so tied to winning the Super Bowl? Brady was named the MVP of Super Bowl XXXVI. His stats? 145 yards passing and one TD. That’s the definition of greatness?

Newsflash – Brady’s job in the Super Bowl win over the Rams was to not completely poop all over himself. That was game manager Brady, and he did his job. How come he doesn’t bring up Super Bow XXXVIII, when Brady threw for 3 touchdowns, 354 yards, and had a quarterback rating of 100.5? Or how about Super Bowl XXXIX, when he threw for 2 touchdowns, 0 interceptions, 236 yards, and had a quarterback rating of 110.2? I’m sorry, did those not count or something? And I would bring up the fact that we beat Carolina and Philadelphia in those games, but it’s already been established that winning Super Bowls doesn’t actually matter.


Since we’re playing the Super Bowl stat game, how’d Manning do in his three Super Bowls? Well, he lost two of em, and beat the worst team to ever play in the Super Bowl in the other – the Rex Grossman Bears. But winning doesn’t matter, so let’s check out the quantifiable data. He’s had three touchdowns combined, which Brady had in one game against the Panthers. He’s had four interceptions, which is double the amount of interceptions (2) that Brady has had in FIVE Super Bowls. His highest quarterback rating was an 88, which he had against New Orleans and their swiss cheese defense.

But please, tell me more how great Peyton Manning is.

Hooch: One thing to consider is winning a Super Bowl also means a guy won a couple of playoff games to get there. So not only did they win the big one, but they won big ones to get there. Package deal. So yeah, in his first Super Bowl, Ben Roethlisberger had similar stats to Brady’s up there. But, as we remember, Big Ben was 21-for-29 in the AFC title game at Denver, throwing two TDs and no picks.

I’ve read this paragraph several times and I still have no idea what the hell is point is. You have to win games to get to the Super Bowl? No shit sherlock. What’s your jive? And what does any of that have to do with everyone’s favorite serial rapist quarterback? Also, maybe I’m confused here, but did he just say that Roethlisberger had similar stats to Brady in his first Super Bowl? Because I’m pretty sure Big Ben had the worst game winning performance of all time in his defense’s win over the Seahawks. Remember that game? Big Ben threw for a man sized 123 yards, on 9-21 passing, with 0 touchdowns, two interceptions, and quarterback rating of 22.6.

That’s the the same stats that Brady has in his first Super Bowl? Riiiiiiight.


Finally they left us with this gem…

Kiz: To watch the 38-year-old Manning stupefy a defensive back by dropping a seeing-eye pass in the hands of Demaryius Thomas only confirms what I’ve suspected for years: Manning is among the five greatest QBs to play the game. Yes, he is even better than Broncos legend John Elway. Brady might be the best-looking QB ever, but he’s not among the top 10 QBs in NFL history.

That’s it Denver. You have officially smoked yourself…….nah I won’t go there. Ya see that though? That represents everything that is wrong with the Manning-Brady debate. Manning throws pretty passes to top five receivers like Demaryius Thomas, therefore he’s top five and Brady isn’t. Never mind the fact that when Brady had a top five WR (Randy Moss), he broke every NFL passing record that existed too.

And Brady isn’t a top 10 quarterback? I would LOVE to hear more about that one. Since these guys love stats so much let’s play their game. Brady is fifth all time in passing yardage. He’s fourth all time in touchdowns. He’s first in Super Bowl appearances, and third in Super Bowl victories. So then I’m curious who the other top ten are? Let me guess these stooge’s list:

1. Peyton Manning

2. John Elway

3. Jake Plummer

4. Bubby Brister

5. Tim Tebow

6. Brian Griese

7. Jay Cuter

8. Craig Morton

9. Kyle Orton

10. Steve Deberg.

Clown show. This is why being raised in New England is a sign that you are God’s chose people. You get the best schools, health care, quarterback, and coach. And you’re given a brain that can quickly weed out garbage like this and laugh at it.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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4 Comment(s)
  • Wabbitt
    November 4, 2014 at 10:02 pm

    I sometimes wonder who ESPN loves to suck off more – Seyton or LeBron.

  • The Guy
    November 4, 2014 at 1:20 pm

    Where are all your older stories?

  • Finnish goalie
    November 4, 2014 at 1:17 pm

    This should be an interesting story. If you’re at liberty to say.

  • Mike
    November 4, 2014 at 6:59 am

    Back In business

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