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So I woke up this morning feeling the same way every New England Patriots fan feels every day – like a fucking champion. I was planning to bask myself in highlights and Super Bowl chatter. But instead, in the least surprising development in the history of sports, I woke up to this:

League source tells me nfl is investigating possibility the pats deflated footballs. http://t.co/SlV2cpSBhB

— Bob Kravitz (@bkravitz) January 19, 2015

I HAD A DREAM…..that Indy fans would wake up butthurt and make up fabricated Patriot cheating scandals.

Oh, a “source” you say huh? Sounds pretty real. I think it’s pretty hilarious that a league that didn’t investigate why Ray Rice was dragging an unconscious woman out of an elevator is “investigating” deflate-gate so rigorously. Maybe they should have TMZ handle this one, since they’re obviously a million times better at investigations.

Oh yea, and guess where this dillweed reporter is from?

If you guessed Indianapolis then you clearly understand the concept of “butthurtness.” It’s a feeling you get after watching your team get violated by the Patriots. Again. Finding a way to call the Patriots cheaters is a common symptom of butthurtness.

Check out how strong the butthurt is in these Colt fans:

Yea, cheating should never be allowed. Really going out on a limb with that statement. Period.

Yea, I’m sure the fact that a ball didn’t have enough air in it is the reason you lost 45-7.

Imagine the Colts actually DID get to go the Super Bowl because of this? Would that be the most embarrassing thing a franchise could do? Accept a Super Bowl bid after getting emasculated in front of a nationally televised audience?

Shut the fuck up.

LOL.

Yea Bill Belichick, GROW UP!!!!

Think about the children!!! Ya see that? That’s what happens when soccer Moms start watching the NFL. They think they’re all watching juniors team play the team with the asshole coach that runs up the score on them. Then the hens start clucking at the beauty salon about all the phone calls they’re gonna make and how heads are gonna roll, and blah, blah, blah.

Newsflash Indy soccer Moms – this isn’t U-8 soccer. This is the N-F-L. No one gives a shit if your kids walk away from this thinking the Patriots cheated. No one gives a shit if you boycott the Super Bowl. No one gives a shit if you think the Colts should be given a pity Super Bowl bid. Unlike at your local PTA meeting, you have no influence and no one gives a shit what you have to say.

The funniest part about this whole thing is that what they’re accusing the Patriots of, a) wouldn’t have mattered because the Patriots won by 38, and b) wouldn’t have given the Patriots an advantage since a deflated ball helps a team THROW the ball in shitty weather. Guess who did all the damage yesterday? This guy:

Blount problems: 148 yards, 3 touchdowns. I’m sure a deflated ball was the reason he ran train on them. It had NOTHING to do with the fact that the Colts run defense is swiss cheese city. It was all because the ball didn’t have enough air in it. Same thing must’ve happened when Jonas Gray did the same exact thing to them in the regular season. LOL.

Tom Brady put it better than anyone:

“I think I’ve heard it all [now],” Brady said. “Oh, God. It’s ridiculous.”

No Tom, you haven’t heard it all. There’s plenty of other losers coming up with Patriots cheated conspiracy theories as we speak. There will be plenty more where that came from. Just remember, they hate us because they ain’t us. We are special. They are not.

So congratulations Bob Kravitz, you’ve made it onto Turtleboy Sports. You are officially a dooshnozzle.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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