Cornfed Dumpsternuggets Fight The Patriarchy By Whipping Out Gerber Servers On Dirty Walmart Floor
Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information.
Walmart, the beacon of blue and yellow that draws in a host of undesirables like flies to a dog turd. This is the place where you might see the lesser-spotted woman with shit on her yoga pant crevice or the aged man donning a G-string and high heels.
If you go to Walmart last Saturday, you’re in for a big surprise……Specifically the Walmart in Twin Falls, Idaho. The story starts with Ashley McCall recalling her experience at the Twin Falls Walmart in a Facebook status:
Fair enough. Her baby was hungry and she needed to feed it. She plonked herself down in the nearest quiet area, attached the kid to her teat and probably thought nothing of it. Unfortunately, she was interrupted by an employee who obviously didn’t know any better and made her feel ashamed of what she was doing.
Naturally, a few of her friends took an interest in her hastag-happy post. There was the expected outcry and the revelation that Idaho is one of the very few states with laws protecting breastfeeding mothers.
And so a plan was hatched. It’s also where this story takes a turn.
So the band of Moms got together and decided to stage a ‘nurse-in’.
The very apologetic manager of the Walmart location where the incident occurred was only so happy to accommodate them. Friend, Sarah Ahrens even live-streamed the event from her Facebook page. The location of the ‘nurse-in’ was a far cry from the secluded area that Ashley claims she breastfeed before.
This is the event in full swing and captured the incident of another customer objecting to their protest. For the other news sites that went on to report on the ‘nurse-in’, this interaction went on to become the main part of the story. However, there is more of interest in the comments section of the Facebook status. It’s been quite the fast-moving thread. Comments vary from the ‘Go Momma!’ to supportive, but questioning. Then there were the more severe. Sarah tried to help spread the message. She even shared it to an anti-vaxx page, but it didn’t really go down well. It was deemed too off-topic, but possibly didn’t contain quite enough insanity for a page of that nature.
Most comments centered around questioning their methods:
All good points well put. Some even felt the event did little to support the cause:
It eventually made the local news.
So it turns out that despite the lack of protection for breastfeeding mothers in Idaho, it’s Walmart policy to allow it anyway. Just looks like there is a lack of training or this individual employee or the store
Seems that the comments section didn’t quite go the way Ashley was hoping and she expressed it in a status or two:
Lack of clothing due to poverty was cited as a reason for being unable to cover up, so obviously being in a position where you hardly have any clothes and nowhere to wash them is the perfect time to bring a new life into the world.
This group of Moms decided the best way to promote awareness of breastfeeding was to park their rears in Walmart and get their norks out for the camera. Of course, everyone knows that nothing says ‘dignity’ like sitting on a dirty floor getting in the way of shoppers, propped up against a display of tin foil baking trays while letting your baby dine. It all seems too forced and just screams out ‘Look at me, see what I’m doing!’. They might as well be surrounded by people brandishing arrow-shaped placards.
If their aim was to gain support from the public, they failed as harder than the Fall River Guttermuppet would at being accepted into an Ivy League college. Generally people don’t like having things forced upon them, including vast amounts of cleavage. Surely respect and consideration can work both ways?
There are more effective ways of getting this message across. They can take the political route and campaign to get Idaho to fall in line with other states. They could even look at promoting better employee training or for large stores to create breastfeeding friendly facilities. All this can be done without sitting on a dirty Walmart floor.
How about this? I know it’s a rather shocking and an overwhelmingly nouveau concept —
But how about excusing yourself to somewhere maybe not so much in public view? Perhaps the idea of being considerate (if not courteous) to others never crossed your mind? PeopleOfWalmart-Itis. We know you’ve not seen the inside of a church and haven’t the foggiest notion of a “crying room”… Or maybe you do, but Mom taught ya to “just whip out them jugs and you just tell the rest of the pew to ‘enjoy the show’ “.
I wouldn’t really call that a “nurse in” one mom sitting around with her tits hanging out occasionally trying to force her kid to eat, and a few of her friends trying way too hard to get attention for her. I think only two of them even looked young enough to have kids of nursing age.
Fine writing, but a couple of “turtlisms” and Urban Dictionary rip offs does not a turtle make. It was well written, but I didn’t like the storyline. Kinda dull. He wrote kind of like an aging satirist. Not enough TBS wording and style. But I bet the Telegram or Worcester Magazine would hire him for his safe writing style.
she should feed the homeless
all of them
I foresee a GoFundMe page in her name in the very near future.
It’s a direct ( and grammatically incorrect) quote from the server of the Gerber.
it’s that you’re always trying to be the star comic of the commenters ugh
take that shit to twitter
Baby’s need to eat.
Babies* try again
She should cover the top of her breasts with a blanket. She literally has her two breasts hanging out. This isn’t about feeding. This is about “hey look at me.” I’m all about breast feeding your children. But have some class when you do it.
I’m a huge breastfeeding advocate and not a big fan of the whole using a blanket over the head thing but when I nursed I would use my shirt and cover my breast and you wouldn’t even know I was nursing. There is no need to have both boobs out like that. In fact I’m surprised she was leaking from the breast she wasn’t using.
I had a hard enough time trying to breastfeed my son (he had difficulty latching) without trying to do it in the middle of Wal-Mart. Get a pump for your outdoor excursions. Or just be subtle. Whatever you can afford.
Medicaid covers breast pumps in the hospitals now, they send you home with a brand new $100 medela pump, tubes, bottles, nipple shields, anything you would need. The SJWs complained that WIC covered formula for all these girls and they started covering pumps and handing them out. It does save taxpayers in the long run, but my issue is, if you can’t feed em, don’t breed em! She admits she can’t afford anything but her 6 shirts, and an old ass crappy car, I can imagine what her apartment smells of. Ugh. Nasty…
And the continuing transformation of the USA into a third-world nation continues. Soon these chunky slobs will be tits-out everywhere, diaper-less kids running around, flies buzzing around their eyes and ears, just like in a UNICEF commercial. Yeesh…you never see this shit in an actual civilized nation, like Singapore or Japan.
I’m a horny disgusting pervert, and yet I’d pay these chicks $5 each to put their tits away. Think about that, ladies.
P.S. Walmart carries workout equipment. You might want to visit that aisle.
Well written, I thought this was hilarious! I hope to see more work from you.
josh loves the titties 🙂
Very well written , great job turtleboy try-out…
Ive had 3 children breastfed all of them even in public . I however have what is called respect for other people around me and if i needed to feed in public i used a blanket to cover up and would even find a changing room if need be *GASP* if I wasnt wearing my maternity shirt specifically made for discrete breastfeeding …. This cheesehog is just lookong for attention like seriously who needs to have 2 tits out to feed one baby ..put those fucking things away please ….Disgusting
Cornfed, absolutely not! Now I’m a smaller chick with large boobs, I think after a D they aren’t considered tits anymore, I wear a DD, and I breastfed 2 of my 6, I never felt comfortable, even at home. My boobs are gigantic, even bigger after having a baby, bigger than the baby’s head, so it’s harder to feed them. Her boobs aren’t naturally big, the only reason they are as big as they are is because of her 100 pound weight gain during pregnancy, you can tell because of the big fat rolls she’s got, they don’t look like they fit her body(because they don’t! She stuffed her fat ass face for 9 months because she was eating for 2 and couldn’t control herself!). There’s no reason to be uncovered like that, she had both boobs hanging out, in a tank top, just no.
“Now I’m a smaller chick with large boobs, I think after a D they aren’t considered tits anymore, I wear a DD, and I breastfed 2 of my 6, I never felt comfortable, even at home.”
1. Are you single?
2. Can I get you a pillow or two? It’s all about you being comfortable.
I am also a small girl with 36dd. Breast feed both my kids for the first two months and it was hell for me, I was scared I would suffocate them I swear lol.. I never exposed myself the way she did. And it’s just like you said, she stuffed her face and gained a ton of weight. Once she dries up they will hang to her belly button and be full of stretch marks. There is a big difference between a woman with big breasts that are natural and someone who just has big breasts because they are overweight. Either way it’s not hard to be discreet
I suggest a topless parade comprising chicks who are no more than a size 10.
That will definitely get the point across.
Those bulbous bags are probably dribbling out pure sludgy butterfat. That poor kid will be obese before it’s 2.
Oh yeah, the title says “cornfed”. No, she is not cornfed She is lard and grease fed. Guarantee that big fat bitch doesn’t know what vegetables are, especially corn.
She wouldn’t have a problem nursing in the back of a Hyundai Elantra if she wasn’t a 400 pound whale. Makes me wonder what kind of “dude” she found who can somehow get wood with a beast that fucking huge.