Corolla Turning Jaywalker Into Main South Speedbump At Junkie Nexus Of The Universe Was So Overdue  


Saw this video on Masslive today of some guy getting plowed while trying to illegally cross the street from one side of Chandler to the other on Main Street, and I briefly wanted to comment on it.

That was so satisfying. A lot of people might say, “yea but it’s a human being, you shouldn’t be happy about that turtle fucker!!” Wrong. This was a long time coming, and that is the worst intersection in Worcester for douchebags who jaywalk. It’s the official gateway to Main South, and every hooker and junkie uses it between their morning dump in the City Hall bathroom and the rest of their productive day slurping hog for smack at Crystal Park. It’s a pain in the ass light because only the right lane gets to go through the light, and there’s always some queef in the lefthand lane who figures that out at the last second, cuts into the righthand lane, and causes me to miss my green light. Then out of nowhere some Beacon Street zombie jumps out in front of you and expect YOU to stop for them, because…..fuck waiting for the walk signal.

That’s exactly what happened here. Moron can clearly see that the lane he’s crossing has a green light, as the cars in the left hand lane wait for their light to turn green too.

Keep in mind, this was 8 in the morning, so the car that hit him was traveling east and directly into the sunlight. This is the point where he realized he made a huge mistake.

That’s how you become a Main South pancake right there.

Don’t worry though, I’m sure his health insurance will cover it.



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44 Comment(s)
  • masshole's suck
    December 14, 2019 at 3:19 pm

    Your statement reads like that of a typical POS MASSHOLE, ASS CLOWN. Dude, you’re an ASS SNIVELING BOOT LICKER jerking off behind his laptop all day waiting for donations.If your balls were as big as that snapping turtle mouth you might be half dangerous. You, and A LOT of others live in your own little world up here. You drive around giving each other the finger with a scowl on hating life (because you live in one of the worst fucking states in the country), and looking like you just ate a mouthful of shit. It’s no wonder no one wants you people in any other part of the country. You and your pet Chihuahua “turtlechick”, (or is it “turtledick”?), are two of the biggest INFORMANT, INTERNET WARRIORS in the country. Sooner or later the right person is going to see you out somewhere and teach you the respect and humbleness your sorry ass parents should’ve taught you. Happy Holidays FUCK FACE

    • Arch Stanton
      Uncle Fester
      December 14, 2019 at 3:34 pm

      Which story was about you?

  • Cicel Tortorello
    July 10, 2019 at 6:08 pm

    Driver 1
    Pedestrian 0

    I see nitwits like this everyday. Especially at Trader Joe’s. They come skipping right out the front door and don’t even bother looking before they leap into the crosswalk.

    I’m sure the driver “feels bad” but he should get a medal.

  • This week's Darwin Award Submission
    July 9, 2019 at 11:37 pm

    Why bother having signs that say “Don’t Walk”?
    Fuck it, get steppin’…thud. Jerkoff.

  • MehMehMeh
    July 9, 2019 at 4:17 pm

    A Corolla? I’m amazed that Tinker Toyota didn’t crumple like an accordion after hitting the guy. Mine gets dinged by fucking raindrops.

  • Jeff J
    Beware of Idiots
    July 9, 2019 at 3:26 pm

    Thomas Thompson’s not a real lawyer………but he likes to play one on the internet. When you read his comments you can tell how smaaht he fancies himself. Dumbfuck doesn’t realize that, at that intersection, the stopped car is in a left turn only lane and was probably waiting for the red arrow to change.
    Short bus Tommy also believes that because the Turtleboy blog is published, it is somehow responsible for the commenters. Now WE all know what section 230 of the CDA says but the smartest guy in the room doesn’t. That’s because he’s by himself. #canigetarefundmylawdegreeisworthless

    • Alt-Plight
      July 9, 2019 at 5:31 pm

      “No driver of a vehicle shall pass any other vehicle which has stopped at a marked crosswalk to permit a pedestrian to cross, nor shall any such operator enter a marked crosswalk while a pedestrian is crossing or until there is a sufficient space beyond the crosswalk to accommodate the vehicle he is operating”

      The pedestrian started crossing on the crosswalk way before the car got even close to them, so if the driver wasn’t going full speed approaching a crosswalk (which, comically, most of you dumbasses think is okay if the light is green) he should have seen the person start to cross even before the ped entered the blind spot behind the car waiting to turn left. Also, there is no evidence that the pedestrian didn’t have a green walk light when he started walking, especially given the width of the street.

      You’re right, your law degree really is worthless. Stick to commenting about ratchets and flat brimmed hats and maybe keep your TBS law degree on the shelf.

  • Let me explain
    July 9, 2019 at 12:32 pm

    Let’s recap there seems to be some confusion among

    Pedestrians have the right of way in a crosswalk ONLY IF THERE IS NO WORKING SIGNAL IN PLACE.


    That means the driver did nothing wrong and the pedestrian WAS jaywalking. No reasonable person could conclude that the driver was at fault. The fault is on the moron walking into traffic. Further, a normal person might conclude that his behavior deliberately caused a disorderly disturbance placing motorists and other pedestrian in danger….and therefore subject to arrest.

  • Rick Shaw
    Rick Shaw
    July 9, 2019 at 12:08 pm

    Nice! Why couldn’t the car have been going about 20mph faster?

  • Thomas Thompson
    July 9, 2019 at 11:55 am

    It’s absolutely legal for a pedestrian to continue across if the light changes after they have started crossing, so there is no clear indication that he was jaywalking. Whether or not he was jaywalking, there is clear indication that 3 laws were violated by the driver of the car that struck him: passing a vehicle that was stopped for a pedestrian, failure to stop for a pedestrian in a marked crosswalk, and failure to yield to a pedestrian. I would positively LOVE to be that pedestrian’s lawyer right now.
    Turtleboy allowing bloggers to advocate for violence is very hypocritical, not to mention legally risky. I thought he would have learned that by now. Perhaps I’ll remind people of it next time there is another shameless appeal for funds for Turtleboy’s legal defense.

    • Kevins 9 Iron
      July 9, 2019 at 12:14 pm

      “MGL Ch89 Section 11. When traffic control signals are not in place or not in operation the driver of a vehicle shall yield the right of way, slowing down or stopping if need be so to yield, to a pedestrian crossing the roadway”

      They have to wait for the walk sign dumbass. It’s funny to see douchebags that start their sentences with ‘absolutely’ when they have no clue and make shit up.

    • MehMehMeh
      July 9, 2019 at 4:11 pm

      Did you happen to miss the truck that went through right before the guy decided to cross? And this is Boston, if that left-turn-only lane’s light was green, there’s no way anyone could sit there for even a fraction of a second longer than they had to.

      He crossed illegally. That car was following the flow of traffic and there isn’t a snowball’s chance in hell that the car that hit him could see him, unless they could magically see through the SUV in that left-hand lane.

      Your argument sucks, you suck, don’t quit your day job. Unless that’s being a lawyer. Then please do.

      • Jeff J
        July 9, 2019 at 10:08 pm

        Actually it’s woosta not Boston

        • MehMehMeh
          July 10, 2019 at 12:22 pm

          Yeah, I realized that after I posted, haha. But Boston and Worcester have pretty much the same attitude behind the wheel anyway.

  • randiguy2006
    Jokes on you.
    July 9, 2019 at 10:23 am

    He just got rich.

  • Filthy Short Monkeys
    July 9, 2019 at 10:09 am

    The four footers in Milford cross traffic and walk slow as if they are so cool and there is nothing you can do. Frigging Portuguese and Brazillians. None of them work or pay taxes. I would love to be an ICE agent.

  • Jack Straw from Wichita
    Jack Straw from Wichita
    July 9, 2019 at 8:57 am

    This was an interesting one. I watched the video and the pedestrian who got hit did not appear to be doing the Main South Zombie shuffle. He was purposefully striding at full speed through the crosswalk, and did not appear impaired at all. It was the quick pace at which he was moving that did him in. As he approaches the middle of the street, a red pickup truck zooms by right in front of him, so he must have known that the right hand lane had the green, but thought that there weren’t any oncoming vehicles, or he thought that they would yield to him. Wrong. Unfortunately, the fact that he was jaywalking will be no defense for the poor schmuck who hit him. Drive near any college campus and you will see the same bullshit, where the kids don’t even bother looking; they just step in front of you. I adhere to the rule of the road that pedestrians always have the right of way, but if you don’t even bother looking, that’s on you. The driver in this case probably never saw him because he was obscured by the cars waiting to make a left and the fact that he was booking it through the crosswalk. Darwinism at work.

  • juror seven esq.
    July 8, 2019 at 10:45 pm

    Was the driver of the red care looking at their mobile device instead of on the road?

  • Hunter S. Thompson
    July 8, 2019 at 10:29 pm

    What an idiot. You can’t jaywalk on a crosswalk in Massachusetts; on a crosswalk the pedestrian always has the right of way. The driver is about to get raked in court for approaching a ped xing at that speed. Don’t worry, maybe the driver’s insurance will cover some of it.

    I’d expect no less from from someone named SJW Hunter. Let’s play a drinking game: take a shot for every time you read the word hooker, queer, junkie, hog, douchebag, etc. Looks like Uncle Turtleboy is struggling to find serviceable talent these days. Nice post from the d-team!

    • dowen0895
      Dick Scratcher
      July 9, 2019 at 3:10 am

      After considering all of your very valid points and looking at them logically, I have come to the conclusion that you should probably fuck yourself right off.

      Thanks in advance.

    • Kevins 9 Iron
      July 9, 2019 at 11:47 am

      “MGL Ch89 Section 11. When traffic control signals are not in place or not in operation the driver of a vehicle shall yield the right of way, slowing down or stopping if need be so to yield, to a pedestrian crossing the roadway”

      So sick of douchebags like you making shit up.

  • Mirriam Webster
    July 8, 2019 at 8:32 pm

    Please consider supporting local journalism by donating to the Turtle fund:
    “yea but it’s a human being…..”
    A journalist knows the difference between yea and yeah.
    Learn English, then maybe I’ll donate.

      July 8, 2019 at 11:08 pm

      The supposed publisher of a world famous dictionary should know it’s own name.

  • Turtle Rider
    July 8, 2019 at 7:17 pm

    So good. Just like Charlottesville.

  • Aonaöe
    July 8, 2019 at 6:56 pm

    Wooow they got clocked 🙁 Folks need to stop taking that “hit me bitch hit me make me some guap” thing seriously.

    • z
      July 8, 2019 at 7:52 pm

      The average squirrel knows it’s in the danger zone more than a lot of people do. We ought to give squirrels their own cross walk buttons. I’ll bet most of them could learn to use them. A little button 6 inches off the ground.

      • Aonaöe
        July 8, 2019 at 8:33 pm

        Alas, tragedy. It strikes all too often.

      • Z’s squirrel crosswalk campaign
        July 8, 2019 at 9:58 pm

        Sign me up as On Board for the squirrel crosswalk initiative !! This is an idea whose time has come.
        I’m not one for platitudes and hyperbole, but you, Z, are the greatest American in the history of this mighty nation and I would be honored to co-sponsor your magnificent proposal.
        God bless you and guide you on your quest to save the glorious squirrel !! Huzzah !!!

        • Aonaöe
          July 9, 2019 at 9:41 am

          lmao that sounds great. Crosswalk signal buttons for squirrels would probably never go to waste, unlike the way people crosswalk buttons sometimes do. For what it’s worth I was actually referencing a MaineDOT commercial I found by googling “crosswalks for squirrels.”

  • WeRFucked
    July 8, 2019 at 6:38 pm

    The pedestrian will get at least a mid 5-figure offer + expenses via the insurance company for sure.
    So fucking unfair. Keep in mind this piece of shit will have huge medical bills, because health insurance = none. Will he pay those bills with the windfall of cash he’ll get, which includes the money for those costs? Nope.

    Totally that junkies own fault. I hope the injuries aren’t that bad. The worse they are, the more he’ll get. Fuck him. I learned how to cross the street when I was 8-years old. Of course, I also knew who my dad was, unlike this pavement kissing useless douche bag crackhead.

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    Old Tom Morris
    July 8, 2019 at 6:27 pm

    He was a crackhead, so it makes it funny.

    • Old Morris Tom
      July 9, 2019 at 2:58 am

      He’s a literal crackhead, now.

  • Red Rover Red Rover send Chooch right over
    July 8, 2019 at 6:18 pm

    Yeah and then for 4 hours after that the intersection was closed for “investigation”. Had to be 6 police cars there and 10 officers doing nothing. What w waste of money.

    • Andy Renko
      July 8, 2019 at 7:09 pm

      So they were just sitting there doing nothing? Does that make any sense at all? Do you really believe your own bullshit? Whatever you do for work I hope you’re more intelligent than this comment you left

  • TL;DR
    July 8, 2019 at 6:04 pm

    The driver deserves a commendation for helping with over population.


  • Clarence Woods Emerson
    You’re Mother
    July 8, 2019 at 6:03 pm

    If you’ve never cashed a check at Kirsch Liquors are you really from Worcester??? ( just gotta spend 8% on their stock)

  • pot hole filler
    July 8, 2019 at 6:02 pm

    is the car ok?

  • whatevuh
    July 8, 2019 at 5:50 pm

    hmmm, that force field around the pedestrian didn’t work this time. I see it all the time, especially on Chandler St

    • Emily
      July 8, 2019 at 7:52 pm

      Chandler St is one of the top 10 worst. Pleasant St is another one.

      • whatevuh
        July 8, 2019 at 9:28 pm

        I passed by that spot one day, there was a guy laying in the middle of the road, 3-4 people standing around him, I don’t think he got hit, I think he was passed out right on the double yellow lines LOL

  • Richyrich
    July 8, 2019 at 5:46 pm

    I am no legal expert, but I think the laws on the side of the doofus. You can be sure he’s going to be suing the driver

  • Emily
    July 8, 2019 at 5:25 pm

    TOTALLY AGREE!! So sick of people walking right out in front of you and expect you to be able to SLAM on your brakes while you pray the guy behind you left enough room to SLAM ON HIS!! FREAKING PEDESTRIANS can cause a five car pile up but oh well we have to STOP.. TICKET the jaywalkers and let them pay a fine. After a couple of times MAYBE THEY WILL LEARN HOW TO

  • Captain Trips
    General Zod
    July 8, 2019 at 5:24 pm

    “Put your feet in the air like you just don’t care baby!”

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    July 8, 2019 at 5:14 pm

    That’s what I call one fine break dancin move brother!

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