Hoodrat Heroes

Crotch Fruits Of Manchester Methopotamus Defend Her Honor After She Had A Bender With Teen Daughter, Passed Out Behind Wheel, Crashed Into Shed 

 

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Manchester InformationAt approximately 1:45 a.m. on July 8, 2019, police responded to the area of 290 Dubuque Street for an accident. Upon arrival, officers found a car stopped up against a shed with the engine still running and the transmission still in the drive position. Two people were still inside, a passed-out woman slouched over the steering wheel, and a teenager lying flat across the back seat.

Officers were initially unable to wake them by knocking on the windows, with the pair eventually waking up after the officers put the car in park. Neither of the car’s occupants were injured. The driver was identified as Dawn Parker, 42, of Manchester. Park was slurring her speech and having trouble keeping her eyes open. After consenting to a roadside sobriety test, Parker was arrested. Parker is charged with alleged driving under the influence of drugs or liquor and endangering the welfare of a child.

Well it finally happened. Someone got sauced up, passed out behind the wheel with their teenage crotch fruit passed out in the backseat, and crashed into my she-shed. And she looks exactly as I imagined she’d look.

If abstinence only education had a face.

Pro tip – if your mother ever gets publicly shamed for being a world class slopqueef on a page like Manchester Information, do not attempt to defend her honor in the comments. Just deactivate your Facebook for a couple days and wait for the news cycle to pass. The teenage girl in the backseat did not want to hear this advice.

And the family structure is starting to make a lot of sense at this point.

Yea, it wasn’t drugs that caused her to blackout and smash into a shed, it was booze! Get it right!

Then big sister Mackayla showed up to defend her mother’s honor, and offered to meet up with anyone who didn’t approve of her actions.

She looked exactly as you imagined an adult raised by a methopotamus would.

And this Hampton Beach 7 was sending threats to everyone who commented about her whiskey dick inducing matriarch.

She wanted to make it clear that despite the fact that she’s had kids stolen by the DCF fairy, and she occasionally passes out behind the wheel and crashes into shit, she’s actually a really good mother who “wasn’t even drunk.”

If you think blacking out and crashing into sheds is bad, wait till you see her on New Years.

Mackayla must’ve graduated from the Bret Killoran school of grammar because her favorite word is…..

Extended family attempted to get Mackayla and Madison to shut their pieholes and get off the Internet, but she wasn’t trying to hear that either.

Meanwhile the feelz patrol was out in full force making sure Madison and Mackayla didn’t get their feelings hurt.

Yea, in case you didn’t notice her children are beyond the point of no fucks given, and are 200 cartons of Newports away from following in Mom’s foot steps. It’s really a matter of if, not when, Mackayla and Madison make their debuts as well.

 

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30 Comment(s)
  • Richyrich
    July 13, 2019 at 2:46 pm

    Every time ratchet trees like this happens in NH The first thing I think is “thank God this didn’t happen in Rochester“

  • The angry taint
    July 12, 2019 at 4:50 pm

    that is some very pinchable cleavage

  • Silencio Dogood
    July 11, 2019 at 3:17 am

    Three or more colorful kids from different fathers, she is the Angelina Jolie of Manchester and a Progressive’s nocturnal emission of semen. Part drinking buddy, part ride home (or close to it) this ragged mother is good to her remaining children in ways all future Americans will understand.

  • Ziggy
    July 10, 2019 at 4:18 pm

    Priceless:

    Officers were initially unable to wake them by knocking on the windows, with the pair eventually waking up after the officers put the car in park.

    • Zig
      July 10, 2019 at 4:24 pm

      Remember, the pig mom was sitting in the drivers seat. Did they push her over or come in from the passenger side? The daughter did not wake up until the car was in park. Immediate Threat RMV. Neither of them should drive for long time.

  • Ziggy
    July 10, 2019 at 4:11 pm

    Turtle Bae, was it your she shed?
    and crashed into my she-shed

  • Tman
    July 10, 2019 at 4:07 pm

    Nice rack on the daughter but Mom’s a friggin pig.

    • Silencio Dogood
      July 11, 2019 at 3:19 am

      Daughter will look like the mother in 20 years…. or less.

  • John Blutarsky
    July 10, 2019 at 3:46 pm

    The saddest part of this story is that some dude actually put his dick in that beast.

  • Ziggy
    July 10, 2019 at 3:35 pm

    What ever happened to commenter Dr. Cock?
    He was Funny!!! Also a fan of Turd Reversalist & Dick Scratcher.

    • Silencio Dogood
      July 11, 2019 at 3:20 am

      Dudes.

  • Ziggy
    July 10, 2019 at 3:30 pm

    Was the kid passed out in the back trashed too?
    Also I am the original Austin Powers and the original Name Game but people took my names.

    That’s a Man Baby!!!

  • Richard Cranium
    July 10, 2019 at 3:06 pm

    ………..and we gonna get HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH as a muthafucka!!!

  • MehMehMeh
    July 10, 2019 at 2:40 pm

    The worst part of all this is that those girls will probably take this blog as a compliment somehow. Or just show up in the comments to show off their variety of uses of the word ‘cunt’.

  • MrSparklePants
    July 10, 2019 at 12:28 pm

    And the cycle continues, again and again. And we pay for it! They are non-contributing members of society and all they do is take, take, take. So sick of it.

  • Milodog
    July 10, 2019 at 12:04 pm

    To her, being called a Hampton Beach 7 is equivalent to winning Miss America and a Nobel Prize.

    • T&A Rule
      July 10, 2019 at 2:23 pm

      She may be a HB 7 but she has a couple of world class 9’s in that one pic.

  • Liawatha
    July 10, 2019 at 11:46 am

    Can we please give this Mum the benefit of the doubt? The Manchester Jackboots claim the struggled to keep her eyes open. Of course she did! It was 1:45 AM! This is what she gets for trying to get her precious cargo home safe and sound.

    • Silencio Dogood
      July 11, 2019 at 3:24 am

      yes, they were simply plum tuckered after a long day/night as stool samples.

  • hank
    July 10, 2019 at 11:33 am

    When that face is looking back at you in the mirror, sobriety isn’t an option.

  • z
    July 10, 2019 at 11:31 am

    That’s Honey BooBoo in the last photo!!! I thought she lived down south.

    It’s really too bad that the producers attempted to perpetuate a stereotype of stupid, white, redneck Southerners with that show. They could easily have found some stupid, whites up here. It’s not like you have to have a huge casting call.

    “Yea, in case you didn’t notice her children are beyond the point of no fucks given, and are 200 cartons of Newports away from following in Mom’s foot steps. ”

    Great sentence.

  • Randall Guy
    July 10, 2019 at 11:00 am

    BUILD THAT WALL!!!

    oh wait.

    • Wink
      July 10, 2019 at 11:11 am

      Uh oh, better watch it, this spell of sanity and lucidity may be catching.

  • The Name Game
    July 10, 2019 at 10:59 am

    If the children of Fawn Porker took some time away from bashing people on Facebook, they could start up the requisite GoFundMe to repair or replace the car that was obviously the victim of a drive-by shedding.
    BTW, Merri, you wrote ” It’s really a matter of if, not when, Mackayla and Madison make their debuts as well.” Uh, I believe that it _IS_ only a matter of WHEN. I think we’re well beyond the _IF_ stage.
    Haven’t we seen a lot of Mackaylas (with various spellings) show up on TBS lately?

    • Aonaöe
      July 10, 2019 at 11:29 am

      There’s a green one with broke ass wheels that recked out a mailbox in toon town that probably could use a GFM as welll.

      • Big Wick
        July 10, 2019 at 6:47 pm

        Sorry for the phantom down-vote, Aonaöe, the correct ballot was a victim of fat-finger typing. The correct thumbs-up was NOT hijacked by an illegal alien… yet.

        • Aonaöe
          July 10, 2019 at 7:03 pm

          no problem Big Wick, thanks for the heads up on the thumbs down (or up) Its all good ive done that before myself 🙂

          • TheCureForHope
            July 11, 2019 at 11:17 am

            I learned something new. If you accidentally upvote or downvote a comment, you can fix it.
            Just keep repeatedly tapping the one you meant to vote. Sometimes it only takes 6 times, other times, you may have to do it 15-20 times. But it will eventually change your vote.

        • TheCureForHope
          July 11, 2019 at 11:18 am

          I learned something new. If you accidentally upvote or downvote a comment, you can fix it.
          Just keep repeatedly tapping the one you meant to vote. Sometimes it only takes 6 times, other times, you may have to do it 15-20 times. But it will eventually change your vote.

  • Kosh Naranek
    July 10, 2019 at 10:42 am

    Momma wasn’t drunk, she was friggin’ shitfaced.

    We must be accurate.

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