Cumberland Police Refuse To Arrest Vietcong Redneck Who Tried To Slice Up Mom And Crotch Fruits After They Took Wrong Turn In Sand Dunes


Many people are consumed with commie cold updates, but a woman in Cumberland, RI was confronted with a much more dangerous threat yesterday.

Holy blue balls! Thank God the police in Cumberland track 911 calls to find out the exact geo-location of the people hiding in their cars behind the sand dunes with crotch fruits in tow. I for one can totally relate to taking a wrong turn and getting chased by a man with a machete and truck covered in confederate flags, who then decided to chase her on foot and was unable to find her vehicle due to the fact that it was hidden by said sand dunes. Shame on the CPD for not arresting this ninja hick, and thots and shares go out to the victim.


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38 Comment(s)
  • Pathological Liar
    May 24, 2020 at 9:59 pm

    So he came at them with a knife and they were in the car, because she’s talking about hitting the gas. So, like, her car doesn’t have doors or windows? That would stop a knife? Or they saw the knife, so they got out of the car that is made almost entirely of metal and decided go on foot. As you do. This makes total sense.

  • Obi Wan
    May 22, 2020 at 8:37 am

    We’d best get indoors. The Sandpeople are easily startled. They’ll be back and in greater numbers.

  • Silencio Dogood
    May 21, 2020 at 10:07 pm

    if he wasn’t wearing a mask he’d get 10 years in the joint. how was he vietcong? was it his breath or what?

    • Guinea Geisha
      May 21, 2020 at 10:36 pm

      I think it was his machete love. Her story woulda been cooler if she said he had ninja stars.

      • Silencio Dogood
        May 21, 2020 at 11:03 pm

        here’s hoping ninja stars fill your sky. but i think if he’d used Shinobi tire sandal it would have been cooler still.

        walker of shadows, warrior of the night.

        • Guinea Geisha
          May 22, 2020 at 12:51 am

          “The Shogun just stayed inside his castle. And he never came out. People said his brain was infected by devils”.
          Musta been Kung Flu.

          • Silencio Dogood
            May 22, 2020 at 1:39 am

            strange, the docs told me i had a Shogun Brain Misfire, but i reckon i was just missing you, my Sushi.

          • WuTang is for the Children
            May 22, 2020 at 2:21 am

            When I was little, my father was famous
            He was the greatest samurai in the empire
            And he was the Shogun’s decapitator
            He cut off the heads of a hundred and thirty-one lords
            It was a bad time for the empire
            The Shogun just stayed inside his castle and he never came out
            People said his brain was infected by devils
            My father would come home, he would forget about the killings
            He wasn’t scared of the Shogun, but the Shogun was scared of him
            Maybe that was the problem.
            Then, one night, the Shogun sent his ninja spies to our house.
            They were supposed to kill my father but they didn’t.
            That was the night everything changed

            See, sometimes
            You gotta flash ’em back
            See iggas don’t know where this shit started
            Y’all know where it came from
            I’m saying we gonna take y’all back to the source
            Do the knowledge, yo

            When the MCs came to live out the name and to perform
            Some had to snort cocaine to act insane before Pete rocked it on
            Now on with the mental plane to spark the brain with the building to be born
            Yo, RZA, flip the track with the what to cut

            Fake iggas get flipped
            In mic fights I swing swords and cut clowns
            Shit is too swift to bite you record and write it down
            I flow like the blood on a murder scene, like a syringe
            On some wild out shit, to insert a fiend
            But it was your op to shop stolen art
            Catch a swollen heart from not rolling smart
            I put mad pressure, on phony wack rhymes that get hurt
            Shit’s played like zodiac signs on sweatshirts
            That’s minimum, and feminine like sandals
            My minimum table stacks a verse on a gamble
            Energy is felt once the cards are dealt
            With the impact of roundhouse kicks from black belts
            That attack, the mic-fones like cyclones or typhoons
            I represent from midnight to high noon
            I don’t waste ink, igga, I think
            I drop megaton bombs more faster than you blink
            Cause rhyme thoughts travel at a tremendous speed
            Clouds of smoke, of natural blends of weed
            Only under one circumstance that’s if I’m blunted
            Turn that shit up, my Clan in the front want it

            Now when the MCs came to live out the name and to perform
            Some had to snort cocaine to act insane before Pete rocked it on
            Now on with the mental plane to spark the brain with the building to be born
            Yo, RZA, flip the track with the what to cut

            I’m on a mission that iggas say is impossible
            But when I swing my swords they all choppable
            I be the body dropper, the heartbeat stopper
            Child educator, plus head amputator
            ‘Cause iggas styles are old like Mark 5 sneakers
            Lyrics are weak like clock radio speakers
            Don’t even stop in my station and attack
            While your plan failed, get derailed like Amtrak
            What the fuck for? Down by law, I make law
            I be justice, I sentence that ass two to four
            Round the clock, that state pen time, check it
            But the pens I be sticking with, you can’t state the crime
            Came through with the Wu, slid off on the DL
            I’m low-key like seashells, I rock these bells
            Now come aboard, it’s Medina bound
            Enter the chamber, and it’s a whole different sound
            It’s a wide entrance, small exit like a funnel
            So deep it’s picked up on radios in tunnels
            iggas are fascinated how the shit begin
            Get vaccinated, my logo is branded in your skin

            When the MCs came to live out the name and to perform
            Some had to snort cocaine to act insane before Pete rocked it on
            Now on with the mental plane to spark the brain with the building to be born
            Yo, RZA, flip the track with the what to cut

          • Guinea Geisha
            May 22, 2020 at 3:27 am

            True The Wu be for the kiddos. But Shogun Assassin be for all the ninjas.

  • fuckface O'Reily
    May 21, 2020 at 10:06 pm

    common slut

  • Who Flung Cum
    May 21, 2020 at 8:09 pm

    First they zip tie a buggy to your door, now they just chase you into a sand dune! Shit, NW Rhode Island is LIT!

  • Morris the Cat
    May 21, 2020 at 6:29 pm

    Kick the town manager to the curb. She should stand by the chief. Dumb ass.

  • Jill
    May 21, 2020 at 6:26 pm

    Why do we tolerate allowing the Worcester DPH to dictate what West Boylston does? With the taxes WB collects we should have our own DPH. Worcester is a cesspool and their practices and decisions have led to one of the highest rates of the virus in the world. Dennis has unleashed the revolt that should give WB back to its own citizens.

    • whatevuh
      May 22, 2020 at 5:47 am

      You are commenting on the wrong story hunny, pay attention !

      • Jill
        May 22, 2020 at 8:33 am


  • I
    May 21, 2020 at 6:15 pm


  • Look at me, Feel bad for me, Give me attention wahhhh I'm a harpie
    May 21, 2020 at 4:22 pm

    The fact that she was able to drive through sand and behind sand dunes at a quarry lmfao in a 2 door Honda with Acura emblems and 4 entirely different rims and rings sizes on each tire. has me fucking flabbergasted! If this was somewhere down south. the story might be plausible but Confederate flag stickers in R.I. of all places lmfao.. I think not.

  • Stop screwing dindus
    May 21, 2020 at 3:56 pm

    Stop spawning brown crotch fruits and white guys with machetes will have no reason to kill you.

  • Silence Does bad
    May 21, 2020 at 3:41 pm

    She should have reported the red neck for ; tinted vehicle windows, no mask, or Trump bumper sticker. Only thing Police take serious now.

  • Skeet skeet
    May 21, 2020 at 3:11 pm

    I feel like I saw this movie, I just can’t think of the name….. Wrong Turn. That was it. Luckily, she forgot to mention that she had Skeet Ulrich there to save her.

  • Michael Collings
    May 21, 2020 at 2:12 pm

    That same guy chased me down the street at the local target. Luckily I was able to run and hide behind a pile of dirty masks and gloves.

  • Do your own thing in RI
    May 21, 2020 at 1:58 pm

    Maybe she interrupted an S+M porn shoot at the quarry, where she and her kids were mistaken for actors and the cops knew about the filming. In any event, RI has less regulation than Mass., and people are a little more free to express themselves and do what they want, rather than doing only what government demands.

  • John Q Public
    May 21, 2020 at 1:51 pm

    So she drove and hid behind sand dunes? The police no doubt failed to follow up because there were no tire tracks seen going to your purported hiding spot. Gotta admit it’s a step above the someone tried to kidnap me in the Dollar Store parking lot…

  • BucketNutz
    Thumbs down on this post
    May 21, 2020 at 1:35 pm

    Where are all the booty shots & doggy filter pics from the Fakebook, TB?

  • Pedoboysports
    May 21, 2020 at 1:34 pm

    Please stop calling children crotch fruits you pedophile.

    • Turtleboy Sports
      May 21, 2020 at 4:05 pm


    • ElJefe72
      May 21, 2020 at 4:07 pm

      What’s wrong, are you getting a little turned on? Only a pedophile would associate the term “crotch fruit” with pedophilia.

  • Meth, it's a helluva drug
    May 21, 2020 at 1:15 pm

    Interesting given that the Cumberland Police had no service calls to the quarry or Manville Hill Road at all in the past seven days.

  • Karen Merlino
    May 21, 2020 at 12:51 pm

    That same guy came after me yesterday too :0 chased after me with a machete and I barely got away. I sped off in my car before he could get to me, and I could still see the maniac in my rearview, he was jumping around and screaming “This is maga country!!!”

  • Staff Sergeant Barnes
    May 21, 2020 at 12:41 pm


  • yeah sure
    May 21, 2020 at 12:39 pm

    Here’s what most likely really happened:

    Some redneck with a Confederate Flag pulled into the quarry and she accused him of blocking her car. They got into a small argument and she decided to go Jussie Smollett about it.

    • TDS
      May 21, 2020 at 12:53 pm

      even more likely, she was probably totally in the wrong and pulled down a one way or some other stupid shit, and refused to back down. he probably had a trump bumper sticker and she had a total TDS meltdown.

  • China Moon
    May 21, 2020 at 12:29 pm

    Yeee Hawwwww! I wish I was in Dixie! That sounds like a good ol time!

  • Eugene
    May 21, 2020 at 12:02 pm

    You wantem number one fuckie? I give you everything.

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    May 21, 2020 at 11:59 am

    So brave!

  • Bloop
    May 21, 2020 at 11:57 am

    And he was huge. Like really tall. I couldn’t see his face because he had a goalie mask on. And he was wearing a mechanic jumpsuit. He just kept walking after us. We’re running away falling over everything. So scary. But we manged to hide behind sand so he gave up and disappeared.

    • hartf811
      May 21, 2020 at 1:10 pm

      She was going to hide with her kids in a running car but thought the shed with the hanging chain saws was so much better.

  • Mask
    May 21, 2020 at 11:34 am

    It could be anybody.

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