This is Henry “Nacho” from the show Wahlburgers.
The Wahlburg brothers keep him around because they need a fat guy to fuck with. He’s basically Phil from Jackass, and they do segments on him drinking hot sauce and stuffing himself with transfat to speed up his inevitable death.
“What started as a bet to eat an enormous bowl of grated cheese grew into an ever-increasing array of challenges, including whole lobsters in the shell, golf divots, sour milk, and pint-sized bottles of hot sauce. Living by the mantra, ‘Cash is king,’ Nacho will eat anything for the right price,” his A&E bio states.
Nacho puts the D list celebrity in Diabetes.
Mark Wahlberg is rich and famous and wants to make it seem like he’s still a man of the people who hangs out with his boys from home. In reality he keeps Nacho around because fat guys who will do anything and sacrifice their own health in order to amuse other people are entertaining. It’s why they made him do a “celebrity” boxing match with Mike Lee. Except Mike Lee’s celebrity status comes from the fact that he’s a professional boxer.
If you’ve ever gotten a tattoo of one of your living friend’s faces, you’re not really their friend, you’re a fan boy.
Sure, Marky Mark brought him on Kimmel in 2012.
But that was back when the TV show was still a thing. Now Nacho is pretty useless, and evidently he’s friends with the psychopath known as Failure Swift because he posted a video on Facebook, threatening Turtleboy for bullying her.
You haven’t really made it in life until a guy who’s one steak and cheese away from a massive coronary heart attack threatens to come to your house on behalf of a mentally unstable scam artist who’s suing you in federal court. So many memorable quotes.
“Turtleboy, listen dude, I don’t know who you are but cyberbullying, ya know, you’re gonna hurt someone’s feelings.”
Oh no, not feelings!! Those matter!! Question – did Failure Swift think about Metro’s feelings when she degraded, humiliated, and emasculated him by posting a video of her latest husband in his underpants on Facebook?
Did she think about the feelings of the staff at Kent Hospital who she slandered in her video?
Did she think at all about the damage she’s doing to her two daughters by forcing them to call multiple men “Dad?” Did you think about what it does to them psychologically to watch them constantly call the police, get in ugly fights with her many husbands, and isolate them from kids their own age? Did she think about them at all when she repeatedly dragged her children into this dumpster and made up blatant lies that people are threatening to rape them? Fuck her, and fuck you too you sweaty gravy dumpster
“See this face?”
“You’re not gonna like it when it’s knocking on your door.”
No one would like that face knocking on their door. No, we don’t have any more pie. Go away. I’m sure Uncle Turtleboy’s shitting in his boots though.
“She’s a sickly woman and you keep on harassing her. Heed my warning – leave the girl alone.”
Heed my warning – get the surgery. You’re well past the point where exercise is an option.
You don’t like it? Change the channel.”
Change the channel! What a novel idea! It’s almost like Failure Swift has the option of NOT reading Turtleboy, NOT coming to our Facebook page to comment with fake names, NOT pretending to be Metro constantly, NOT listening to our podcasts, and NOT pursuing her stupid lawsuit in the first place.
“Do not pick on innocent people and women.”
Oh look, it’s the white knight defender of women, here to save a poor innocent woman who’s plotting to steal her husband’s house. Does this look like a guy who would ever stand for the degradation of women?
I’m sure those girls wanted this cholesterosaurus to grab their asses like that, and totally didn’t feel like they needed to let him because he’s boys with Marky Mark.
“Put your real name out there.”
Yea Uncle Turtleboy, you should write a book or something, using your real name.
“I heard you have a radio show on WRKO. Guess who’s gonna make some phone calls?”
Well this is a new one. Uncle Turtleboy was on the Kuhner Report a couple times and is doing a rally with Jeff this weekend. Guess that means he works there so fat ass is gonna harass them for a while because God no he has nothing else going on in his sad, pathetic life.
“You wanna be known as a blogger? Blog about something positive.”
Exposing people who use mobs to attack doctors and nurses is something positive.
“What you hear from other people, it’s hearsay. Smarten up!”
You’re literally repeating something you heard from a mentally unbalanced lunatic, but OK.
Anyway, if Nacho wants to come on the live show I’m sure Uncle Turtleboy would have him, because he clearly doesn’t know anything about his old “friend” Failure Swift.
We’d be happy to educate him on the matter though.
Please consider supporting local journalism by donating to the Turtle fund:
Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: