The Patriots are the Super Bowl champs. Again. And according to The Daily Beast’s Corbin Smith we are officially the team of white nationalism.

I for one celebrated by burning a cross on my front lawn and reciting a pledge to Hitler.

I actually read this article, and it’s by far the most insane thing that has ever been published, ever. Normally I’d just ignore it, but with all the layoffs at Buzzfeed and HuffPost last week I can’t help but rejoice in the fact that hacks like this are losing their livelihoods because people are finally waking up to just how terrible the media is. This is what we’re dealing with:

The Daily Beast, a publication with millions of followers, looked at this gastropotamus and said, “We would like to pay you actual money to publish content on our platform. We are very interested in your opinion of the New England Patriots.”

Let’s check out some of the highlights.

This past weekend, the Super Bowl-bound New England Patriots held a rally for their sweatiest fans at Gillette Stadium. Brady gave a speech. It ended… unnervingly. Imagine you didn’t know anything about football, or who Tom Brady was, or anything like that. You would think that you were watching some square-jawed grifter throwing red meat to the hogs at an alt-right rally, screaming at the libs who thought Nancy Pelosi and her gender warriors were gonna keep DECENT AMERICAN FOLKS from BEING HERE.

Wait….what? “We’re still here” is now racist too? Evidently if you don’t know anything about football then you’d hear Tom Brady say the 2018 Patriots slogan, which is in reference to their unprecedented longevity as the best team in the NFL, and you’d assume he was referring to alt-right Trump supporters trying to prevent Mexicans and Nancy Pelosi from coming here. Makes sense.

Of course, even if you do know stuff about Brady you may still think he’s on his way to pursuing this line of grifting. He flashed a red MAGA hat, an accoutrement that is gaining more and more traction as a symbol of white nationalism in America, in his locker back in the primary days.

“Gaining more traction.” Translation – some nutjobs have arbitrarily decided a hat supporting the President is the same thing as a Klan hood, therefore this is ridiculous nonsense is legitimate.

The whole institution of Boston sports, from root to stem, is tinged with the sort of racism that brought Trump into office. The Boston Red Sox were the last MLB team to desegregate, more than a decade after Jackie Robinson entered the league. The Sox’s first owner, Tom Yawkey, was an infamous racist whose speech was peppered with racial slurs.

Oh no, the Red Sox were the last team to integrate, so the whole city must be racist. Let’s just completely ignore that the Bruins were the FIRST NHL team to integrate though. Doesn’t fit the narrative.

It got better….

A Red Sox fan yelled a racial slur and threw a bag of peanuts at Adam Jones a mere two seasons ago. Yankees’ pitcher CC Sabathia told ESPN, “I’ve never been called the N-word” anywhere but in Boston.

If you repeat a lie enough times (that Adam Jones was called the n word at Fenway) then it becomes the truth.

Remember that scumbag teen, bused into DC by his racist-ass private school to protest a woman’s right to choose, smirking at a Native American military veteran while wearing that dumb little red hat as his schoolmates stood around and did tomahawk chops? Remember how, at first, everyone saw what was happening for what it was, entitled little shits being racist and disrespectful, until this kid’s wealthy parents hired a PR firm to run interference and coach him up to do an interview where, even if he was saying the right things on paper, he still seemed like a low-boil sociopath?

Wait….we’re still pretending that Nathan Phillips was a military veteran? Allow me to correct this paragraph.

Remember that child, bused into DC by his catholic school to protest something that violates catholic teaching, smirking at a Native American adult fraud banging a drum in his face for no reason while wearing that hat supporting the lawfully elected President as his sang and danced to the music being played directly in front of them? Remember how, at first, everyone saw what the fake news media wanted them to see, a bunch of racist kids disrespecting a brown guy, until people saw the whole tape and it turned out it was all a lie?

If Brady really does want to satisfy the Daniel Radcliffes of the world, wouldn’t he find it in his heart to distance himself from the president everyone hates?

“Everyone hates.” Trump got over 60 million votes. The sad part is gastropotamus actually thinks this is a true statement, because he has surrounded himself with an echo chamber that is completely oblivious to the fact that there are people out there who view the world differently from them.

Look, it doesn’t matter if the Patriots like it or not, they are the official team of American White Nationalism, the MAGA Boys On the Field. You can’t implicitly or explicitly support Trump, who reads speeches written by Stephen Miller as a matter of course, play in a market whose sporting culture is renowned for its racism, have a decade-plus organizational obsession with undersized white receivers, and be called, no shit, the Patriots, without getting the vile Fox News Soup that poisoned half the country on your shirt. 

Now we’re racist because the Super Bowl MVP is small and white. How dare a 7th round draft pick who played quarterback in college defy the odds and become one of the best receivers in the NFL for nearly a decade! You’re only allowed to be good if you’re tall and black.

https://twitter.com/CorbinSmithNFL/status/1091807263134752771

Leave poor Corbin alone while he serenades us with hot takes bout who the Seahawks should draft in the third round!

My favorite part is when he eventually gets laid off and the blue checkmarks whine about how corporate owned media is cutting corners and laying off talented journalists. What will the world do without brilliant hot takes like this? I don’t want to live in a world where some cholesterol couch critter isn’t around to lecture me about why I’m a white nationalist for being an unapologetic Patriots fan.

God loves us more.

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