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Here’s your Turtleboy Death threat of the Day, brought to you by O’Reilly Auto Parts:
So we get these all the time, and they’re always wicked fun. First of all, if you message us on Facebook, chances are you’re gonna get a chick. Everyone who blogs for us on the regular (as well as some who don’t) has access to our pages, and most of us have vaginas. We go in there looking for story ideas, but sometimes we catch a chudbanger like this. Someone who’s convinced that Turtleboy is one guy, and that they are speaking to him. You have no idea how hard it is not to send these people a picture of my tits just to shut him up, but it would kill the mystery.
So we called in Abi……
Uhoh, he’s running IP addresses. He must be a Russian hacker. We’re fucked for good this time, and this is the face of the clearly sober individual who will be taking us down:
Abi went to go take a smash (and likely didn’t spray afterwards) so I jumped on and just couldn’t help myself with this assnut.
Oh snap!! He’s working on acquiring my info. Any day now he’s gonna crack the code!! Just as soon as he snaps out of his latest crack binge.
Watch out though turtle riders – our days are numbered:
Sorry Joshy Poo, but I have plans this weekend. However, if you’d like to drive up here to Haverhill with some flowers I will graciously accept them. Although knowing Mr. Turtlebae he’ll probably say they were from him.
“You may never breathe again.”
Oh man, that sucks! I really like breathing too!
Watch out though, he’s about to “cross that line”:
And from the looks of it, that line is somewhere between steps 7 and 8 on the 12 step program.
Oh, and he reproduced a couple times too, which seems to be a sensitive issue for Mr. Tough Guy:
Once we told him we were gonna be sending this obvious death threat to the cops he quickly changed his tune:
Maybe we should reread it? Pretty sure you said you’re coming to our house, and that as a result we will no longer be breathing. If that’s not a death threat what does it mean? Are we going deep sea diving?
Remarkable. I don’t think he spelt “You’re” right once. But he nailed dehumanize over and over again. Someone’s been reading some Clive McFarlane before bed!
Anyway, threats like this mean absolutely nothing to us. We get them all the time and no one ever does anything. Because ultimately all these people do is talk and talk and talk. If you think for one second we’re gonna be scared or deterred from our mission because you wrote some words on the Internet then you clearly don’t understand who you’re dealing with. We back down from no one. We’re scared of no one. And we provide the citizens of this great country with real news by exposing troglodytes like this and the crooks he seeks to defend the honor of.
Do you know Joshua Thompson’s real name, or anything about him? We’d love to learn more. From our search it looks like he’s from Chicopee and works in Enfield, CT. So we’d love to do a follow up with his real name so that that whenever a potential employer Googles him they find us. Smart move Joshy Pie. Don’t. Poke. The. Turtle.