Hoodrat Heroes

Death Threat Of The Day: Chicopee Chudbanger Tells Deskie He’s Coming To Her House And She Won’t Breathe Again After Ruining Turtleboy Sports INC

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Here’s your Turtleboy Death threat of the Day, brought to you by O’Reilly Auto Parts:

So we get these all the time, and they’re always wicked fun. First of all, if you message us on Facebook, chances are you’re gonna get a chick. Everyone who blogs for us on the regular (as well as some who don’t) has access to our pages, and most of us have vaginas. We go in there looking for story ideas, but sometimes we catch a chudbanger like this. Someone who’s convinced that Turtleboy is one guy, and that they are speaking to him. You have no idea how hard it is not to send these people a picture of my tits just to shut him up, but it would kill the mystery.

So we called in Abi……

Uhoh, he’s running IP addresses. He must be a Russian hacker. We’re fucked for good this time, and this is the face of the clearly sober individual who will be taking us down:

Abi went to go take a smash (and likely didn’t spray afterwards) so I jumped on and just couldn’t help myself with this assnut.

Oh snap!! He’s working on acquiring my info. Any day now he’s gonna crack the code!! Just as soon as he snaps out of his latest crack binge.

Watch out though turtle riders – our days are numbered:

Sorry Joshy Poo, but I have plans this weekend. However, if you’d like to drive up here to Haverhill with some flowers I will graciously accept them. Although knowing Mr. Turtlebae he’ll probably say they were from him.

“You may never breathe again.”

Oh man, that sucks! I really like breathing too!

Watch out though, he’s about to “cross that line”:

And from the looks of it, that line is somewhere between steps 7 and 8 on the 12 step program.

Oh, and he reproduced a couple times too, which seems to be a sensitive issue for Mr. Tough Guy:

Once we told him we were gonna be sending this obvious death threat to the cops he quickly changed his tune:

Maybe we should reread it? Pretty sure you said you’re coming to our house, and that as a result we will no longer be breathing. If that’s not a death threat what does it mean? Are we going deep sea diving?

Remarkable. I don’t think he spelt “You’re” right once. But he nailed dehumanize over and over again. Someone’s been reading some Clive McFarlane before bed!

Anyway, threats like this mean absolutely nothing to us. We get them all the time and no one ever does anything. Because ultimately all these people do is talk and talk and talk. If you think for one second we’re gonna be scared or deterred from our mission because you wrote some words on the Internet then you clearly don’t understand who you’re dealing with. We back down from no one. We’re scared of no one. And we provide the citizens of this great country with real news by exposing troglodytes like this and the crooks he seeks to defend the honor of.

Do you know Joshua Thompson’s real name, or anything about him? We’d love to learn more. From our search it looks like he’s from Chicopee and works in Enfield, CT. So we’d love to do a follow up with his real name so that that whenever a potential employer Googles him they find us. Smart move Joshy Pie. Don’t. Poke. The. Turtle.

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33 Comment(s)
  • Tonya Sheets
    March 22, 2018 at 7:43 pm

    Omg this was completely hilarious, nothing like watching powerful women stand up to a jerk off. Well played my chubby redhaired sister, who has time to run. I may have to read this again for more giggles. Have a great night

  • Kevin
    March 16, 2018 at 12:02 pm

    You want a piece of me?
    I’ll be waiting for you at
    Turtleboy Headquarters
    48 Cedar Street
    Fitchburg ma 01420

    I’ll donnybrook your ass!

    My mother is the big giant smelly fat lady who answers the door!

  • JoeMomma
    March 16, 2018 at 10:38 am

    I guess Mr Internet expert has never heard of a proxy server……..

  • He's comin for ya
    March 16, 2018 at 3:10 am

    Former equipment operator.
    Sounds about right, looking at his pics.
    When you get popped for being a drunken scagmaggot junkpunk they tend to pull your license pretty quick.

  • Chip Striker
    March 16, 2018 at 12:59 am

    I wonder if he will be wearing the full camo outfit while hunting for your IP address or the Landscaping jacket while trying to pull up dirt on you.

    Decisions, decisions.

    • Finn
      March 16, 2018 at 9:33 am

      “This is the IP Police! Hands on the keyboard where we can see them!”

      He’s got our number and he’s taking names.

    • Jennifer
      March 16, 2018 at 11:32 am

      LMAO Best decisions decisions OMG brilliant !! This guy is a douche on his BEST day !!

  • panzer9811
    March 15, 2018 at 11:34 pm

    Anderson Services LLC is a landscaping supply spot on Bay St. in Springfield. They sell mulch, and dirt and shit like that. Drive past it fairly regularly.
    He should consider what he wears in his ass-clown selfies before he goes threatening to kill people.

  • mitch
    March 15, 2018 at 10:49 pm

    Hey JOSHUA ! are you missing a chromosome or just plain stupid ? Making threats here against Turtle girls is suicidal. These gals will RIP your balls off and make a change purse out of your shriveled nutsack, then send it to your mother for her birthday present.
    Don’t. Poke. The. Turtle.
    p.s.
    there’s a trail of tears left by nitwits like you stretching from R.I. to Maine so you can’t say you haven’t been warned. good luck to ya, sappington !!

  • Keisha
    March 15, 2018 at 10:36 pm

    Looks like he’s threatened others before. Takes a genius to threaten online. Get the cops in on it, would bet he has a questionable record too.

  • Finn
    March 15, 2018 at 10:34 pm

    What do you expect from a guy who can’t finish Westover Jobcorps? He’s an absolute moron. He can barely spell IP.

    frfr,
    Finn

    • mitch
      March 15, 2018 at 10:58 pm

      They still have Job corps, really ? I thought that bullshit left with Jimmy Carter. If you can’t make it in a make work program, than he must be a total loser !! Sweeping broken bottles from city b-ball courts was about the extent of their “employment”.

  • Sloppy
    March 15, 2018 at 9:40 pm

    Scrolling down his FB page, he certainly likes some gay-ass music…
    I will say though, he actually strings a sentence together surprisingly well for a white trash slob from Chicopee.
    What pissed him off in the first place?

  • gfldgadfly
    March 15, 2018 at 9:12 pm

    His tits don’t match. But he’s still a Chicopee 4.6.

  • whatevuh
    March 15, 2018 at 9:04 pm

    another internet/computer expert that can trace your IP address and find out where you live. How many people have said that, and how many times has it happened, hint: zero fucking moron

  • Miss Monster (The Hybrid)
    March 15, 2018 at 8:18 pm

    I live in Chicopee, I’ll be sure to look for that doped out face of his lolol fuckin tool.

  • Bleh
    March 15, 2018 at 8:05 pm

    What a fucktard

  • Yuck
    March 15, 2018 at 5:43 pm

    Oooh, an internet tough guy! Hey Fucko…get over yourself and go back to what you do best: sucking dick. Fuck you, tough guy!

  • No name
    March 15, 2018 at 5:29 pm

    That is his real name . And he’s had allot of run ins with the Chicopee police years ago 

  • Bret
    March 15, 2018 at 5:20 pm

    Of all the times to be banned on all 5 pages. See ya in about 25days shitdick….lets play

  • Captain Trips
    March 15, 2018 at 4:38 pm

    Look at this fucking clown. Shave much? Shower much?

    I love the Irish shirt. Your about as Irish as Moscow.

  • panzer9811
    March 15, 2018 at 4:33 pm

    Without even reading this turd’s threats, and simply by looking at his picture, I would instantly peg him as a douche. A cocky, narcissistic, total douche.
    I wonder if he pulled that gianormous crab from his pubes.
    I look forward to the follow-up (after MSP pays his ignorant ass a visit).
    Pathetic piece of shit.

    • Kevi
      March 15, 2018 at 10:00 pm

      When you say that you’d peg him as a cocky narcissistic douche is that just a role you would be playing? How can you tell that he’s into it?

  • Hugh Jass
    March 15, 2018 at 4:26 pm

    Biggest pussy to exist. I know him in real life. A friend of mine met him for a challenge to fight. Hit him once and this faggot cried asking him to stop

    • panzer9811
      March 15, 2018 at 4:54 pm

      I could totally picture that. A big blow-hard who probably couldn’t fight his way out of a wet paper bag.

  • Magules13
    March 15, 2018 at 4:14 pm

    He’s wearing an Anderson Services LLC employee jacket in the one photo

  • Puja Aggarawa
    March 15, 2018 at 3:57 pm

    His name is Robert Paulson.

    • Tyler Durden
      March 15, 2018 at 4:56 pm

      You forgot the first rule of Fight Club.

  • TamBam
    March 15, 2018 at 3:55 pm

    Reverse image search?

  • ElJefe72
    March 15, 2018 at 3:54 pm

    Looks like Merrimack Valley Turtle Bae just had her #MeToo moment.

  • Brian Albrecht
    March 15, 2018 at 3:52 pm

    Yo, J! Word!! You got these sidewinders shakin in theyre boots, brah!!! I been tellin the Turtle that I’ma smash his head in with my battering ram fist for years, cuz! We oughta hook up and go find him and that pussy Brett and make them suck our dicks!!!!

    …and then maybe, y’know, a little vapin’, a little cuddlin’, finger in the ass, what’s good???

    #awwwyeeaaahhh
    #GaymouthFullOfSpunk
    #BrokebackMountMe

  • Antifag
    March 15, 2018 at 3:45 pm

    We Democrats call those kinda guys “power bottoms”. His mouth calls you a pussy, but his eyes say “Please kick my ass, and then fuck it hard. Really… really… HARD.”

  • Kanacke Hasser
    March 15, 2018 at 3:43 pm

    The best part is that after all that talk, he has no idea who we are, but we’ve got everything on him.

    He’s got far less upstairs than he thinks he has. Big mistake on his part.

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