It goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway – don’t drink and drive tonight, guys. Don’t do it any night, for that matter, but we all know New Years Eve is “amateur’s night”, as my father used to call it, and if you get behind the wheel of a car drunk you are definitely a scumfuck. Call a cab, call an Uber, call your brother, or sleep it off in a piss-soaked alleyway, I don’t care, just don’t drink and drive and end up sleeping on a cement cot next to a toilet while your face is plastered all over Turtleboy tomorrow. Because we won’t be nice about it. I do hope we have a deal.
That being said, if you live in or around Plymouth, Turtleboy and the cops aren’t the only thing you’d have to worry about, anyway. Because while the rest of the world is out having a good time ringing in 2020, Deputy Debbie Downer over here is going to be prowling the bar parking lots for potential drunk drivers so she can waste precious police resources on the one of the top drinking holidays of the year.
No thanks, Neda. If we need someone to prowl the parking lots in search of Xanax bars and 23 year virgins with a Mrs. Robinson fantasy, you look like you’re probably the one for the job.
But as far as field sobriety tests go, I think we’ll just leave that to the professionals, OK? Because from the looks of it, the only breathalyzer you’d even have access to is if you have one wired into your car’s ignition. Seriously. The cops have this under control and no one is impressed. Furthermore, who is “us”? You, your cats and a couple boxes of Franzia? Will you all be in uniform? Do you get a hall monitor pass or something for this? How are you going to tell who’s too drunk to drive? Judging from your caps locks enthusiasm and general appearance, I don’t know that I trust your expertise on the matter.
Stay home, Buzzkillington. Your post has accomplished nothing here outside of possibly causing some brain cancer and mortifying your adult children.
For everyone else out there – be safe, have fun, and if you see this face lurching towards you in the darkness of the Applebee’s parking lot come midnight, don’t panic.
It’s not Ozzy Ozborne, it’s just some self-righteous cougar who needs to find a hobby in 2020.
65 Comment(s)
While I appreciate her enthusiasm for keeping the intoxicated from behind the wheel, I still have to throw a flag on the play for not staying in her lane.
Of course, she has to pay the piper or layer of pipe, if you will.
As previously mentioned, she was trying to do the right thing and it is considered a mitigating factor.
With that in mind, she will still have to present the starfish for the sentence to be carried out butt the insertion will be gentler and more lubricated than what is normally done when addressing any transgressions.
It is within my purview as a professional to show compassion and leniency when appropriate.
This is one such instance.
Once again, I have to remind some of you in this thread that this is a matter best left to a professional turd reversalist. Name like Butt Creamer and Rump Ranger indicate to me that hobbyists and novices are trying to get in on the action.
All that aside, I would like Ms. Neda to surrender herself for the purpose of carrying out the sentence this Friday night at the Shanty Rose, 9 pm. From there, we will go directly to the work van and take care of business.
Happy New Year.
Bristol is a great investigative reporter. Even she has to contend with one of the slowest news weeks of the year. This woman didn’t do anything so terrible. Big deal. Now she gets to be embarrassed by the Google machine forever.
Social Media is Cancer
On the contrary I have nothing to be embaraced by! I have no control over these idiots that published this on there pethatic disgraceful blog! They are just a bunch of uneducated miserable people that have nothing better to do than insult people! As a matter of fact I am getting so many nice private post one and several job offers! So maybe I should really thank them!!!
embarrassed
I’ve got the special sauce that can keep those bangs plastered to your head and off your face…..
Uneducated? Pethatic? Surely you jest.Try pathetic douche nozzle.
Seven dollar gum jobs and cleaning the urinals of The Glass Slipper does not count……
If you told me she was Hot Tow Truck Girl’s mother/sister/aunt/cousin, I’d believe it.
I know her type. I know a barfly when I see one. When you walk into the bar she looks ok then she hits a spot of good lighting and you have to make an excuse to get away from her.
yeah I gotta go over here I think I dropped my pocket bye.
You almost immediately forget she’s there because well you know alcohol.
Get drunk…. get drunker….. get drunkiest….
Then you wake up the next day and see her laying next to you in bed. This is the moment you realize you need to stop drinking. Then after contemplating your life choices you realize it’s easier to drink until she looks good again so you can have a second round.
“Osbourne”
I would give her a pink sock then a Cleveland steamer.
A cock slap and back-to-back-to-back rapes.
Lurking in parking lots and looking for drunk drives is dangerous to trained, armed cops — we can start with the number of times they nearly get run over. Ask one…
Throw in that — to a drunk, in the dark — she might appear attractive and women’s bodies do wind up being found in ditches, car trunks, and the like. Seem to remember some of that happening in Boston last year…
The dumb c**t is lucky to be alive if she really pulled this stunt….
HTTG?
I’d let her put the tip of her tongue up my asshole
Do don’t “let her” MAKE HER
Like throwing a Antelope carcass down the Ted Williams Tunnel.
I’d leave a nice pile of penis butter on her chest.
Wait, what about handicapped parking enforcement?
Should that be left to the professional?
Isn’t she doing what TB brags about? You know, nabbing ratchets with his “investigations?
Good for her if it stops one person from driving drunk. Make fun of her all you want and use her for content but What did you do today that tried to help your town?
Her way of knowing who’s too drunk to drive: if you take her up on her offer of a parking lot blow job you’re too drunk to drive.
One picture looks like she have “turkey neck”.
Ok if you are looking at back of head in motion.
With this brawd, the ol’ maxim applies:
“When In Doubt, Whip It Out!”
Neda was a lotta fun back in 1982.
Took her to see Fast Times at Ridgemont High, missionary fucked her behind Showcase Cinema in the backseat on my ’77 Chevy Impala while listening to my Cars tape while still wearing my Members Only jacket, slept all night in the car, she said her back ached so she blew me the next morning, we went back to my parents house, and she helped me Armor-All the inside of my car. Nice girl! What’s not to like? Ah, the early 80’s…..
I can still smell the Drakaar every time I see her picture!
oOOOOhOOOOoooo is that what ya smell???
It’s fucking Morticia if…Morticia wasn’t hot and looked like she was about transform into a puddle of grease at any moment.
FFS, New England seems overrun with ratchets to the point of derangement. It’s fucking amazing.
What a miserable cunt. Stay home with your vibrator.
i will drive by and throw my beer at her.
That face looks like it’s been beat by every black cock on craigslist! What a nasty looking sewer trout she is!
That’s hot.
here is the field sobriety test for guys in Plymouth.
“Would you fuck that woman”
If you said no, you are sober and free to go.
If you said yes, then be prepared to get cuffed and stuffed by the local cops
I’ll take “I’ve been smoking 2 packs a day for most of my life.” for 600, Alex.
The husband got some nice footage of her being DP’d in a Super 8 by a couple of drunk college kids home for winter break.
Mission accomplished, It will be on porn hub later today.
Ah, Double Penetration.
It’s like the end of Leaving Las Vegas, if Liz Shue dug it in the butt.
I’d definitely smash that….I’ll just triple bag it to give myself more girth however I still think we’ll be looking at a hotdog/hallway scenario
I will be on the look out for greek whores with stds in Plymouth parking lots tonight.
Take her keys.
Did her.
You wish!
I don’t have a problem with reporting drunk drivers. Just as long as she reports texting drivers too. Texting drivers are just as dangerous as drunk drivers. At least drunks are trying to look at the road.
I wouldn’t normally comment, or defend the crazy, but the sweet girl who died and the other girl in critical condition from the Pembroke accident are both from
Plymouth. Everyone in town is a little on edge. Clearly this is not the way to “help”, but it’s been a tough few days and emotion has replaced rationality.
Nice comment thanks.
Thumbs down inflicted on your comment are disappointing.
Happy New Year
aww it looks like her and her cat lady friends don’t like the blog~meow
Just. Doesn’t. Get.Any.Dumber.
So, sweetie, when a defense attorney pulls up that public post (where you are headhunting for drinks), do you think ANY report or statement you make is going to carry any weight in court?
Thanks for wasting the cops time. Stay home and drink cosmos.
I would hit it if I wasn’t married to Michael the tranny.
I would hit it if I wasn’t married to Michael the tranny.
Just like the REAL Barry, who stutters like a Jerry’s Kid and endlessly repeats him/herself.
A bravura performance.
Would.No question.
Lights out she’s a 10, provided she doesn’t have the newport/methadone voice and aroma.
A 10? Stevie, is that you??
Beauty is only a light switch away
I would…..PANIC !!
Would
It’s 830 pm now. I give her about 2 hours before some skeezy red-faced drunk knocks her out in a bar parking lot.
Gross.
Weathered face douche with too much time on her hands.
She better leave my bottles of sake alone.
Go deliver meals on wheels you sanctimonious twit.
Would!
Y’all have slow news wtf is this trash she said don’t drink and drive or she’s calling the police sounds a lot like what you guys do ? Grow up whoever wrote This garbage I know uncle turtle boy didn’t write this
…you are a dumb douche!
My bad, that is old news.
If any of these people that under disguise are posting these nasty messages have any balls then why not disclose who they really are? But they wouldn’t simply because they are a bunch of losers! Thank you for your comment!
A blog that brags about catching criminals saying to leave it to the professionals.
First, learn to read.
Then you can move on to nuance.
Fucktard.
Welcome to the the Trashville!
She out patrolling for drunk dick…. That’s all she’s looking for. Almost worth driving to Plymouth to stick it in her plantation
For fuck sakes hahahaha
Happy New Year TB and Riders!