This is Natick Sands, an Attleboro man who apparently has been feeling kind of lonely lately, and found himself some internet fame earlier today when he wound up on the Everything Attleboro page, being called out for his unorthodox style of trying to pick up women. And failing. So. Miserably.
Natick apparently has been looking for love in all the wrong places, namely, over 75 uninterested women’s inboxes. Tough break, guy.
So what’s a bathroom mirror selfie taking, Neanderthal-looking guy named after a town in the Greater Boston area to do when he’s in need of a little below-the-belt action? Why, send unsolicited, weird and explicit messages to everything with a vagina within a 10 mile radius, of course!
Good move, Dorchester! That always works out well! Nothing says, “I have crippling low self-esteem and virtually no tangibly mating options” quite like the classic sexting spam. The more the merrier, because if you cast your net wide, someone is bound to bite, right?
Wrong. Maybe spamming dick pics will help out the cause?
Sorry, buddy. It’s not even Bristol Community College.
Avon claims he’s “not trying to be a fuckboy”, and I for one believe him. It just comes naturally to him, clearly. Totally effortless.
Needless to say not only did Brookline strike out at every venture here, he also upset a lot of people. By the sheer volume of women showing up around the internet with screenshots and a story of their own, Brookline has spent many a late night practicing the art of being creepy, intrusive and rejected. What a great use of your abundant free time. When called out, though, he made another series of wise decisions. First he tried the time-tested strategy of deny, deny, deny.
But all the photographic evidence of his pathetic desperation really foiled that plan. Then he reverted to the whole “ladies man” act:
Which was even more easily refuted by the copious amounts of explicit messages sent and the much smaller amount of women who were interested in them – that number is zero, if anyone at home is keeping score. Sorry, Canton.
Then he went to the next-worst move: blaming women’s rights:
Which really is the most plausible excuse he manufactured here – because only in a regressed, Dystopian, hellscape of a society where women were used as unwilling brood mares would this guy ever, ever, ever get laid. It is definitely human rights and an equal society that serves as the barrier here. Look at this fucking goon.
Obviously Natick’s parents didn’t love him enough to teach him effective people skills. They didn’t even love him enough to not name him something that would inevitably lead to relentless mocking all through his school years and beyond. And maybe that’s why, in addiction to being a level 10 DM diddler, he once threatened to go Columbine on his school:
“The case against a former Attleboro High School student accused of talking on Facebook about attacking the school will go to a Bristol County grand jury, while a co-defendant has agreed to accept a plea-bargain.
Natick Sands, 19, has rejected a deal to reduce the charges against him in return for his guilty plea and accept probation with a jail sentence he has already served awaiting trial, lawyers said Friday.
His lawyer, Brian Roman of North Attleboro, declined to comment other than to say the deal would have given Sands credit for the six months he spent in jail on bail.
The six months is the maximum penalty for the reduced charge of making threats to commit a crime.”
Oh, yeah. He seems well adjusted.
But anyway, ladies, the great news is this ultra eligible bachelor is still single, considering he’s exhausted all options within a 20 mile radius of his hometown. So if you’re interested in getting a slice of this creepy pie, you’re in luck. All you need is a vagina, pulse, and working internet connection. Don’t worry about anything else – he’ll come to you.
….Whether you like it or not.