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There are basically three columnists who provide controversial opinions on a regular basis at the Turtlegram – Diane Williamson, Clive McFarlane, and Old Balls. Their boss is Karen Webber. She decides what gets published and what doesn’t for Spanky and Diane. Old Balls has no leash for whatever reason and they just let him publish on his own. But he’s such a moron that his columns get retracted at least 50% of the time (after they’ve already used him for page views and made money off the advertisements).

Anyway, in light of this HUGE scandal that the Turtlegram doesn’t seem interested in reporting that much, we were anxious to see how these three columnists would react.

Clive McFarlane has said NOTHING!!! Ya got that?? Nothing!!! This is a guy who writes about police shooting people and racism in 99.9% of the columns he has ever written. Now we have a police officer getting shot by someone one town over and he says NOTHING!! And they are almost ALWAYS critical of the police when he does write about them. This is what you get when you Google “Clive McFarlane police”:

He once said that police are a “greater threat to democracy than terrorism.” Not even kidding. Those were his exact words.

He defended huckster lawyer Hector Pineiro, whose son is a career criminal, for trying to steal money from the taxpayers with fraudulent lawsuits against the police.

He blasted the City Council for giving Police Officer Justin Bennes an award for using nonlethal force to take down a dangerous criminal with a gun, because the timing of the award was insensitive towards the black lives matter terrorist movement.

Of course the real reason he hates cops but won’t admit it is because he was arrested by a cop in 2004 for being a drunken fool at a bar.

Hell, he even wrote this article in which he wrongly called our sales director the lone author of Turtleboy Sports.

These are things that Spanky McFarlane thinks are worth writing about. But a police officer who was assassinated by a thug criminal – the same type of person that Spanky has gone to bat for time and time again – we don’t hear a PEEP from Spanky about that. Sad.

Meanwhile here’s what Old Balls had to say:

We put law enforcement officers at tremendous risk because of this unwinnable ‘war on drugs,’ and building more jails and increasing penalties is not the answer.

Translation – it’s not Jorge Zambrano’s fault he killed a cop. It’s the prison-industrial complex that puts people in jail for selling poison to schoolchildren and vulnerable adults.

Old Balls also had his theories on why this animal would kill a police officer:

We will probably never know the reason why Jorge Zambrano shot and killed Officer Tarentino, but my guess would be that he had drugs in his car and if caught with them he would be looking at double-digit years in prison.

Oh OK. So it’s not really Jorge’s fault. He had no choice. Can’t go to prison right? Can’t be a man and accept your punishment. Better take the cowards way out and shoot the cop. Not Jorge’s fault though, it’s the fault of the government:

Where does the blame lie? Put it at the feet of lawmakers who have criminalized drug possession and drug distribution. I’ve been saying this since the 1970’s with no flip-flop— LEGALIZE ALL DRUGS.

This was printed in the Telegram and Gazette. LEGALIZE ALL DRUGS!!!! Right underneath it was an ad for Percy’s appliance store. When we refreshed the page it was an ad for Rotmans. Rotmans and Percy’s are PAYING the Telegram and Gazette money to print these anti-police sentiments, written by a delusional old man on his typewriter.

And finally Dianne Williamson really disappointed us today when she wrote this column, in which she outright denies that anyone is to blame except for Jorge Zambrano:

Now this fine man is dead for no reason, and the only person with blood on his hands is Jorge Zambrano, and the tragedy serves as yet another reminder that despite the best of intentions, all of society’s safeguards can’t stop bad things from happening.

Seriously Diane? Come on now, you’re better than that. Society’s safeguards can’t stop bad things from happening? How bout Judge Andrew Mandell? On February 11 he had the ability to revoke this savage’s bail after he was arrested AGAIN for beating the shit out of his girlfriend. He was made well aware that Zambrano had a past history of assaulting police officers, selling drugs, and going to prison. He pondered all of those things and still decided to set him loose right then and there:

Is Diane honestly dumb enough to believe that there was NOTHING Mandell could have done to prevent this from happening? Like, I dunno, NOT giving him bail? That might’ve helped!!!

Diane was invited onto the Dennis, Callahan, and Minihane show because her ridiculous column was being read everywhere. She of course declined, which is unlike her, because usually she’s the first to defend her work. That tells us that she didn’t actually mean this. She’s just towing the company line at the Turtlegram. She’s doing as Karen Webber instructs her to do – protect the establishment and tow the company line.

Shameful.

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