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Last week Turtlegram and Gazette columnist Dianne Williamson announced that she was hanging it up over at Turtleboy Jr. News:
And on Sunday she wrote her final column.
Truth be told, I used to enjoy her columns. She could be witty at times and used to be pretty fair. Then this happened:
And it was all downhill from there. Because just like millions of others who previously lived normal lives, this man made Dianne Williamson go insane. At least 80% of her columns were entirely dedicated to him. Which, look, I get it. Donald Trump supplies a never ending source of material to those who do not like him. It just gets redundant. It’s a cliche. Low hanging fruit. If I wanted to watch people bash Trump all the time I’d listen to someone who’s actually funny, like Steve Colbert or Bill Maher.
The bottom line is that people turn to writers like Dianne Williamson for hot takes on LOCAL stuff. Because we can get the national stuff from a million places. It’s why we don’t waste our time writing about national stuff – because that’s not why you come here. You want something you can’t get anywhere else and that is what we provide you with. Sadly Dianne missed the boat on that one.
Her anger towards the current political situation really changed her as a person too. This of course was manifested in June when she decided to post ass crack pictures of a tow truck driver who was giving her a lift (even though she admittedly was not a AAA customer) on her Facebook page, so she and her “when they go low, we go high” friends could publicly mock him:
And instead of just owning the fact that as a public figure with a publicly viewable Facebook page, there was a good chance that this nice guy who did a nice thing to to help her out would see this post, she got all bitter:
After that she wrote an “apology” column in which she made fun of the poor guy some more and attempted to rationalize why she was publicly mocking someone who helped her. Naturally she found a way to turn herself into the victim, as she spent most of the column whining about how mean turtle riders were to her for being a callous dooshnozzle:
The irony of being taken to task by an incendiary blog known almost exclusively for shaming people did not go unnoticed by my defenders. Nor can I resist noting that, had the blog not written three indignant posts about the issue last week, the tow operator for whom such concern was expressed likely never would have seen my Facebook post in the first place. (I created the post assuming the man didn’t read my Facebook page, and I was right.)
Regardless, Turtleboy readers have responded with great fury and ferocity, bombarding my message board and other social media with suggestions that I kill myself or undergo various painful forms of demise, and never has the C word been used so ubiquitously and in such creative combination with other curse-laden slurs about my weight, age and appearance, all intended to express heated objections to body shaming.
Of course she didn’t highlight any of the hundreds of reasonable people who commented on her page about how disgusting her actions were. Sandro put it better than anyone:
And right on cue, Dianne found a way to victimize herself on the way out, by finding the harshest comment in order to generalize anyone who disagrees with her as a vicious yahoo:
Monique is a regular turtle rider. I highly doubt she’s a smoking hot Dutch field hockey player from New London, CT though. I honestly have no idea who “she” is, nor do I care. I certainly don’t agree that because she’s childless and unmarried that she’s a terrible person. But of course, an anonymous person wrote something on Facebook, therefore it must be Turtleboy according to fellow Turtlegram hack Mark Sullivan:
Turtle derangement syndrome is one powerful disorder.
Anyway, since Dianne wants to take shots at the turtle on the way out we thought we’d inform people about the real reasons she’s leaving the Turtlegram and Gazette. Because she never addressed that in her fairwell column.
Ya see, Clarence Woods Emerson and Dianne used to be buddy-buddy. She was a turtle rider (and probably still is a closeted one) who often fed us inside information about what was going on over at Worcester County’s second place news outlet.
For starters, remember when Worcester Mayor Joe Petty called a bunch of protesters that HE BROUGHT TO CITY HALL, “morons,” and “not educated” on a hot mic?
That never gets old.
Dianne and Clarence had long talks about that, and laughed at Petty when he initially apologized for it, and then later claimed that it wasn’t him in the most hilarious and awkward press conference of all time:
She and Turtlegram reporter Brad Petrishan agreed – there was no way he DIDN’T say it:
That’s how she really felt on February 3. But her editor, Karen Webber, wasn’t gonna let her print that.
So Dianne put out this forced propaganda piece instead, saying that she DID believe that it wasn’t him calling protesters morons. Why did she believe him?
“The people who know Petty, believe him. That’s what comes from being a nice guy.”
Because he’s a “nice guy.”
This was the moment her career officially died.
But she had been pissed off for a while before that and frequently let us know about it. We didn’t release these convos before because she still worked there, but now that they can’t fire her, fuck it.
Remember when we were exposing the corrupt Worcester non-profit Mosaic Cultural Complex? We proved that they were collecting hundreds of thousands of dollars from the taxpayers under the guise that they were doing healthcare work for men of color. But after getting ahold of their time sheets, we were able to prove that that was a lie.
It all came crashing down when Mosaic director Brenda Jenkins’ own son Robert “Boo Shameek” Alston decided to announce on Facebook that gangstas like him don’t need to be killing each other when they could be “playing on WHITE GUILT,” find a couple “dumb n words,” apply for a bunch of grants, and then sit on an “untapped source of power and unlimited income”:
Game over. Mosaic stopped getting grant money the next day.
Dianne messaged us all the time and told us how impressed she was with our work. She wanted to write her column, ripping into the frauds over at Mosaic and crediting all the investigative work that Turtleboy had done. But that did not go over too well with Karen Webber, and her column was pulled for the first time in her career:
Because when you work for a Gatehouse Media owned newspaper, you’re not really allowed to think for yourself. Just stick to the company line – Trump is bad, and Turtleboy is irrelevant unless someone is suing them. Then it’s front page news.
Turns out the reason Karen Webber pulled the column was because Turtleboy “lacks credibility”:
Karen Webber also said that the Robert Alston post might not actually be him, and that the Turtlegram does not use Facebook posts as sources:
Even though they routinely use Facebook posts as sources all the time.
Dianne actually used to get mad when they wouldn’t cite us as a source:
This was back before Trump was President though, and people were actually thinking normally.
After her column got spiked and she publicly posted about her frustration on Facebook (even though Facebook can’t be used as a source) she got called into the editor’s office to explain herself:
This was in 2016. Clearly she was burnt out:
She said she wanted to last 3 more years (until 2019)
But clearly that did not happen. Good on her for having the balls to finally quit though.
The bottom line is that Dianne Williamson is no longer with the Turtlegram and Gazette because she realized what a joke the mainstream media has become. She reads Turtleboy every day, and I’m sure she will read this (Hi Dianne!). She looks at what we do and how successful we are and she probably thinks to herself, “Why can’t I do that? Why am I stuck working for these morons who tell me what to write and basically neuter me into towing the company line? How come I have to write about Trump again? This is not why I got into journalism.”
And she’s right to ask those questions. Because this is what we’ve done at Turtleboy – we’ve murdered the MSM. This is going to kill the Turtlegram and Gazette. Every year they lose hundreds of subscribers. Many people only read it for her column. Now they’re stuck with Spanky McFarlane and the ramblings of Old Balls. It’s been a pleasure destroying this relic of the past.