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Didn’t Think It Was Possible To Think OJ Didn’t Do It, But Here Are Top 10 Most Hilarious Comments Defending OJ’s Innocence

Didn’t Think It Was Possible To Think OJ Didn’t Do It, But Here Are Top 10 Most Hilarious Comments Defending OJ’s Innocence

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Everyone’s been talking about the knife from OJ Simpson’s old house, found four years after Nicole Brown and Ronald Goldman were stabbed to death, that some corrupt LAPD cop kept at his house as a trophy. Since there was no murder weapon ever found there, it’s plausible that this could have been the smoking gun that could’ve landed OJ in jail for murder.

LOL.

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If you believe that then I have a horse ranch down in Nantucket that has your name all over it. Because I got news for you – that dumbass jury could give a shit less what kind of “evidence” the prosecution provided. The defense won because they made it about race, and 8 of the 12 jurors were black. Six of whom were black women. It doesn’t matter what kind of evidence you had. That knife could’ve been marinated in Nicole Brown, Ronald Goldman, and OJ’s DNA and he still would’ve been found not guilty. Because Johnny Cochran could’ve convinced the lot of them that Mark Furman and Phillip Vannatter planted it.

I was kind of young when the OJ Simpson trial was going on but I would probably point to that as one of the defining moments of growing up in America in the 90’s. I know now that he obviously did it. Everyone with a brain knows that. The evidence is overwhelming. A bloody glove was found at Nicole Brown’s house. A matching bloody glove was found on OJ’s property. Despite what Johnny Cochran said, that glove fit just fine, especially when you factor in that science dictates that it would’ve slightly shrunk after being soaked in blood for so long. The limo driver saw OJ jump his own fence and run across the yard 20 minutes after the murder. Kato Kaelin heard OJ jump the fence. A woman who was not called to testify saw OJ as he fled from Nicole’s house and nearly crashed into her right after the murder happened. OJ had NO ALIBI and claims he was sleeping. OJ basically confessed with a suicide note but then couldn’t pull the trigger. OJ’s bloody footprints were at the scene of the crime.

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It was literally the most obvious and poorly planned murder of all time. But back then I thought he was not guilty and I was happy he got off. I was a stupid kid who thought OJ was incapable of a double homicide because he was hilarious in the 

Naked Gun

and he seemed like a nice guy in the Hertz commercials.

I was also too young to understand racial tension at the time. Black people were fired up about the LAPD, especially in the wake of the Rodney King not guilty verdicts. They believed OJ was not guilty in large numbers because their negative experiences with the police led them to believe the evidence was all planted by racist cops.

But enough time has passed that we should all be able to objectively look at this and agree that OJ is in fact a double murderer. We saw what karma looks like after the not guilty verdict. Johnny Cochran and Robert Kardashian got cancer and died. Lee F. Bailey got disbarred. All of Kardashian’s family members grew up to be huge, waste of space whorebags, and one of them married a transgender decathlete. And OJ ended up right where he belonged after a violent armed robbery – jail.

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Here’s my question – if the LAPD is so racist, then why would some cop withhold evidence that could put a black guy away for life? I mean, if they were planting all of this evidence then why would they purposely hide the most vital piece?

Anyway, if you think that morons out there have all accepted the fact that OJ did it, then you obviously underestimate the stupidity of the American public. Here are the Top 10 most hilarious comments from Henry Louis Gates’ website’s Facebook page, “Theroot.com”:

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10. Still looking for the “real” killer.

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Hey Carolyn, we already know who the real killer is. He was golfing with all his rich white friends, ignoring his “community” just like he was doing before he killed them.

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9. Kardashian did it.

 

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Yup, that sounds about right.

 

8. White people wanna kill themselves now. 

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She’s right. As soon as I found out that OJ was not the real killer the first thing I wanted to do was jump off a bridge. Because as a white guy, I simply MUST know that every white person who was ever murdered was killed by a rich black man.

 

7. Nicole Brown was a drug addict and Ron Goldman was a gigolo. 

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Oh snap!!! Never thought of that. It all makes perfect sense now. Thanks Internet conspiracy lady!!

 

6. Release OJ now. 

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Yea, he’s definitely serving more time than the average person would if they committed an armed robbery. Ya know, because everyone with a brain knows that he literally got away with murder. He had one job to do after that – stop trying to kill people. But he couldn’t do that so the judge said, “I’m giving this dumb mother fucker the maximum.”

Oh yea, and guess what Ol’ Rodney did for work:

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Oh good, he’s a retired cop. It’s shocking that there are so many unsolved murders in Chicago with guys like him on the case.

 

5. Amerikkka is racist. 

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This guy needs to get his blood pressure checked. Anyone know a place that will do it for free? Something tells me he’d fit right in there.

 

 

4. White people framed OJ to keep their girlfriends from banging black dudes. 

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Strong points right there. Real strong.

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3. Wait……what?

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My girl Christie needs to stick to one thought at a time. First she’s talking about the adult children living with the “agony of defeat.” Whatever that means. Then she jumps into traumatic brain injuries and wants us to pray for OJ. Then she tosses in the standard “God knows what’s up.” Then she explains to us how she’s gonna wash AND dry her hands before finally climaxing her inspirational rant with a plea to vote for someone. Who should we vote for? Doesn’t matter. But one of those people needs your vote.

 

2. Because….slavery.

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Yup, you got it Sucram. OJ couldn’t have murdered his wife, despite the overwhelming evidence, because of slavery and colonialism hundreds of years ago. That’s it.

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1. You’re all dumb – this guy has it all figured out. 

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Love how ends that nonsensical rant about drug dealers and Ron Goldman’s karate acumen. “So OJ is innocent of the murders.” Someone get this man an Internet law degree because he just cracked the case!!

Anyway, is Turtleboy the only one addicted to 

The People vs. OJ Simpson 

on FX? Because it might be one of the greatest shows of all time. The guy who plays Christopher Darden looks and sounds exactly like him. Cuba Gooding Jr, David Schwimmer, Nathan Lane, and John Travolta are fantastic. So are the people who play Cochran, Marsha Clark, and the God awful Kardashian children, who the producers did a great job of portraying as hollow, soulless people even as kids. Oh yea, and Theo Huxtable was dynamite as Al Cowlins. If you’re not watching it, I feel bad for you. It’s like reliving your childhood complete with the Beastie Boys soundtrack.

 

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6 Comment(s)
  • Finnish Goalie
    March 7, 2016 at 10:50 am

    I was a young one myself during that time period.

    I remember that ABC interrupted TGIF on ABC to show the Bronco chase. I was less than happy.

    • Sterling Turtle Rider
      March 9, 2016 at 2:26 am

      That is my exact memory of the event too, and my one point of reference every time someone mentions it… I distinctly remember them interrupting TGIF to show the car chase, and I was confused as hell

  • Reddog
    March 6, 2016 at 9:27 pm

    “The agony of defeat,whatever that means”? You are showing your age TB. Anyone who grew up in the late 70’s and early 80’s watched ABC’s wide world of sports on Sunday afternoons remembers the infamous Ski jump fail in the intro to the show. Classic!

  • BobnMic
    March 6, 2016 at 4:07 am

    Oh and Kevin Lynch – Nice job fucking with Turtleboy’s web site you fucking troll scumbag.

  • BobnMic
    March 6, 2016 at 3:17 am

    I knew at the time that Simpson was guilty as shit. At that time America was still just moving past, or attempting to, the Rodney King incident. Simpson got a mulligan because of that. Race had everything to do with that case. Facts and evidence? Forget about that.

    It still pains me today how the black community highly celebrated his acquittal in light of overwhelming evidence against him that he murdered two white people. It was then that I realized that this whole slavery thing that happened hundreds of years ago will never be let go and we as white people are fucked for ever because of it.

  • wabbitt
    March 6, 2016 at 2:54 am

    Poor Malcolm Jamal-Warner – forever known as Theo Huxtable.

    Still – when did I write and submit this article? Because it’s like my exact perspective. When it happened I was a kid and thought for sure OJ was innocent. But now, as an adult looking back, it’s so painfully obvious that he did it that I wish I could reach back through time and slap some sense into my younger self.

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