The three worst places to visit in America are the Big E, Hampton Beach, and Disney World. And honestly, I think the worst of the three is Disney World. I’d rather take my chances with ISIS than I would with the lines, and the fat non-disabled people on motorized scooters. This Disney World fight at Epcot reaffirms that position:
Hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity dog!!!
I came so close to not even posting this. Not because it’s violent or trashy, but because they filmed it vertically. AGAIN. I feel like the Internet needs to come to the point where we all agree we’re gonna boycott iPhone videos that aren’t shot horizontally.
Babe fights are scarier than dude fights in many ways. But mostly because it’s never really over. Men are capable of getting their hits in and walking away. Women, by nature, cannot EVER let something go. They hold onto that shit and let it linger. Like when you leave the toilet seat up. Such a simple fix but it can ruin your entire day. Women NEVER forget when they’ve been wronged.
Same thing here. That woman in the green hat (who is probably no older than 14 and the daughter of the other woman who had her back) simply would not be denied. Here she is having her head bashed against the railing while trying to be held back:
After that it was just a sea of bodies pulling hair, throwing punches, and kicking each others ovaries.
And luckily for humanity, the woman who started it was there with a young child:
You’d be better off raising your kids at Denny’s than you would at Disney World. Worst place on earth.
Anyway, this was bound to happen. Disney is bad enough as it is in February. But who the hell in their right minds thinks it’s a good idea to go to the middle of Florida in July? I can only imagine the stink in the air as you walk through that cesspool of Walmartians from all over America.
You know what really pisses me off about this video? The fact that I got in trouble at Disney the first, last, and only time I will ever be dragged there. We were in some Monsters Inc comedy show. Up on the the screen in front were some cartoon images of monsters cracking jokes and busting on people in the crowd.
Someone was doing the voice over for them behind the screen. Then they’d pan the crowd and pick on some poor schmuck who got dragged down there by his wife and kids. Obviously, I was the first person the spotlight landed on.
So some employee comes over with a microphone and they start asking me questions. I didn’t think I did anything wrong, but we ended up almost getting kicked out of the park for it:
Monster: So where you from?
TB: Boston. (once you leave the northeast, you have to say Boston because no one’s every heard of Worcester once you get past New Jersey.)
Monster: Oh, Baaahhhhston huh? Do you pahk your caaahh in Haaavviiiid yaaaahhhdd?
TB: Wicked pissah.
This last comment was followed by a long and extremely awkward silence. The cartoon monster on the screen said, “OK” after about 30 seconds of tension. Then the spotlight went on someone else. The Disney employee told me that Disney is a family park and if I did that again I’d be kicked out.
First of all, please, kick me out. I would love nothing more than to go back to the hotel where I don’t have to fight my way through a sea of transfat and blubber.
Secondly, “wicked pissah” is not foul language. Not even remotely close. Anyone who’s ever been up here knows that a wicked pissah is some sort of huge blowout or party.
Thirdly, what the hell was I supposed to say? “No, I have never in fact parked my car in Harvard yard. I don’t even think that’s allowed and even if it was, I’m sure it’s frowned upon by the grounds crew at Harvard University. If I did park my car on Harvard yard it would probably get towed.”
Is that what I was supposed to tell the cartoon monster on the big screen? I was under the impression that by throwing out some commonly used New England terminology, I was doing my part to contribute to the show. I guess I fucked that one up though.
Anyway, I was in big trouble after that. Turtleboy Jr. thought it was hilarious, but Mrs. Turtleboy……not so much. That’s what pisses me off about this video. I get yelled at by some 17 year old Disney employee and Mrs. Turtleboy for not adhering to Disney’s “family friendly” environment. And meanwhile you have these savages kicking the shit out of each other while they’re waiting in a two hour line to go on a ride that will last three minutes and 30 seconds.
Fuck Disney World and everything it stands for. a