Turtleboy Tryout

Dooshnozzle Of The Day: Santa Akbar Parks In Handicapped Van Spot In Burlington Because He Doesn’t Like Walking To Get Afternoon Coffee

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Hey fam – we’re always looking for new bloggers. If you’re interested email a submission to turtleboysports@gmail.com. If we like it we’ll publish it. Here’s another turtle tryout for ya.

Another day, another entitled douchebag parking wherever the fuck they want because, Murica.

This is on Middlesex Turnpike near the Burlington Mall. Typically, Burlington is better known for another shit stain on society, the FupaSlug, who likes to panhandle just up the road, with a large extra, extra iced lodged between her flapjacks, while napping standing up…

Let’s get back to this new jerkoff though. This is the second time this week I’ve seen some asshole park in between two handicaps spots in this fashion, like it’s somehow being less of a douchebag to do so. All you’re doing is making both spots unusable now, but who cares right?

You were only in the store a few minutes and nothing is going to stop you from getting your morning cup of Joe, right? The way he pulled in, coupled with the bozo in the black SUV to the right parked on the line, make that handicap spot completely unusable. How can anyone think this is OK to do, even for a second?

I didn’t take these photos, they were sent to me by someone from my towns group page. This person posted the first one with his plate blacked out (she’s way nicer than me), so I asked her if she wanted to send the unblocked pic, and I’d forward it to TurtleBoy Sports. She loved the idea and sent over this second pic that unmasked this dastardly culprit!

Wow, not exactly the picture of the culprit I had pre-sculpted in my mind! I was picturing either a
pharmaceutical sales bro in his thirties, or a stay at home wife that spends half her day saying, “I just

No, after seeing this work of art and since we’re all essentially Turtleboy, I decided to give this a go on
my own. I couldn’t let this guy, in all his glory, get passed off to someone else. I was under the presumption that only entitled pissant American’s did ignorant stuff like this? Now we
have Gupta’s ratchet cousin telling handicap people to go get fucked, because his Venti Decaf Soy Latte comes before anyone else, dammet!

Come on people! I don’t care where you live, or how many “inconvenient” handicap spots there are in
the parking lot. Those lines next to handicapped spots are NOT parking spaces. They’re for ramps to come down off the vans. Now they are stuck in the vehicle either way, until this maroon comes out. Shaming these people is the only way to get them to stop and sometimes that doesn’t even work.
Hopefully for Santa Allah Akbar and anyone else that thinks it’s ok to do this. Don’t! You will be Turtle
shamed, which hopefully will be enough of a deterrent to dissuade you from doing stupid shit like this in the future.

5 Comment(s)
  • July 11, 2018 at 6:35 pm

    This turtle tryout definitely has my vote! Good job,buddy!

  • Hughbo Mont
    July 10, 2018 at 1:36 pm

    Not bad. However, need to see a blog with more “meat” to make a fair assessment.

  • Me
    July 10, 2018 at 9:07 am

    I like the purpose and point of the blog, but I don’t think the writer is “turtleboy material’

  • Kamala
    July 9, 2018 at 8:48 pm

    Nice job tryout. You forgot to mention that Burlington is on the verge of becoming a 3rd world nation just like Waltham because of the Santa akbar’s of the world. But in all seriousness Santa as pictured here would probably love to end someone yelling Akbar because Santa is a real Indian. Not the fake Indian like Lizzie warren.

  • bloop
    July 9, 2018 at 3:59 pm

    It’s because all the wypipo took the good spots and this is his way of resitution. Or it’s Trumps fault.

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