Drama Llama Incites Internet Riot Over Fake Discrimination, Has People That Have Never Stepped Foot In Al’s Cafe In New Bedford Leave Terrible Reviews, The Owner May Be Manch’s New Hero Because She Has No Fucks Left

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In today’s episode of “I’ll Take Shit That Never Happened For 500, Alex” we’re going to take a look at another fake discrimination story out of New Bedford that never happened at a place called Al’s Cafe:


OK, so right off the bat, this story seems really fishy. First tip off: “BECAUSE I’M GAY!!!”. Second tip off: “Share this status”. This was strictly for attention. He might have had a bad run-in with the owner over some dumb shit he did, in fact, do. Not simply because he was gay, though.

Don’t you think if this dude had been going to this specific place for 4 years that at some point he would have seen some bullshit like this already go down? I mean, people who are really bigots enough to not want gay people’s money and have prejudices against people don’t hide it all that well and are prone to kicking out gay people, or people they suspect to be gay, left and right and generally cause an uproar. They’re not exactly quiet about it, you would have noticed or heard word about it by now. We would have heard about this anti-gay restruant by now had this really been a thing. But it wasn’t.

My bullshit meter went straight up through the roof as soon as I saw this though:

OK, so are you absolutely positive that the reason you were kicked out and banned wasn’t because you’re obviously into stirring the pot and generally causing a rukus? From my experiences in life, I’ve come to notice that business owners aren’t typically into people who live for drama like this dude does. What I’m trying to say here, is that I don’t fucking believe you and I’m pretty fucking sure no one should.

Also, why in the hell would you go back numerous times after supposedly being kicked out for something like that? Wouldn’t that tell you that the owners are not nice people and perhaps you should take your business elsewhere? I suppose it would, had it ever happened. Which it didn’t. So fuck right off.

You know how you should gauge these sorts of accusations? Checking out reviews. That’s exactly what I did, and I’ll be damned if I didn’t find a really diverse crowd that seems to really like Al’s:

That’s just a very small portion of people. None of them left reviews saying they were kicked out for their ethnicity or for any other reason, but that they had a great time and the food, drinks and service were great.

Before yesterday, when it seems this post was fabricated, the reviews on both their Facebook page and Yelp were all pretty positive. Yelp was pretty insane when it went from the first review back in August from someone stating they had many special times there and that the staff and patrons were friendly, to and immediate uproar about how hateful everyone who walks through the doors are…again, starting on the 28th:

So, y’all are just gonna take a secondhand account from a person who clearly loves drama for face value and try to ruin a successful business with literally no evidence? You’re not going to question why he’d wear a hijab if he’s not Muslim and then go back after that? I mean, I guess anyone really could and that’s no big deal, but seriously…this isn’t the kind of person to do that just to keep warm. Nah, no one would because then you’d be “victim blaming”.

I’d also love to know how a dude hugging on another dude immediately sets off everyone’s gaydar. I mean, I guess it would have to hinge on the percieved nature of  the hug, but at no point did dude say he was playing tonsil hocky or strokin’ plums out in the parking lot. That would indicate that you were gay. I’m not saying it’s ok for a business to be throwing out their clients and calling them “faggots”, that’s absolutely not cool. But no one did that here, I’m certain of it.

So, out of curiosity and thirst for the truth I gave Al’s a call, quickly introduced myself and asked if the owner had a statement she would like to provide about this bullshit. She gave me the most glorious answer I have ever heard in my life: “My statement is that I’m not about to entertain any stupid Facebook accusations. Thank you very much, honey.”

Oh. My Gawd. That was a thing of glory that I wish you all could have heard. Straight to the point, totally not fucking around and has no goddamned time for this asshole to go and try to ruin her business. You could tell that if she was a bigot, she would have said so. Not only did she not have time, lady had no fucks left to give and would’ve been completely honest about it. And she called me “honey” which I love.

Now, had she had time, I would have asked about this part:


BUT that comment in and of itself tells me all I need to know about the guy. I’m guessing the owner and this dude have a history considering that they have each other’s numbers, and that history includes this guy never growing out of his “getting in trouble” phase. She’s pissed that this staus is getting so much attention because this shit never happened. She’s pissed because this dude likely pulled some other shit after a couple Long Island Iced Teas and he isn’t about to admit to that part. Obviously, if he was causing problems at an establishmentand was kicked out and banned, he was only banned because he was gay. The fact that he did some dumbass shit had nothing to do with it. Obviously. Not that businesses have the right to refuse service to anyone for any reason or anything. It simply HAD to be because he was gay.

I would have loved to have talked to this poopsmooch, but it seems our buddy Unintelligible Name, here deactivated. Gee, I wonder why? Could it be because he’s lying? Absolutely.

Ugh, what a douche.

And with that, I’m gonna have to say that if you’re in the New Bedford area and looking for some good food and drink, like the reviews they were getting prior to this asshat’s fuckery said they have, then you should probably check Al’s Cafe out. It looks like a cool hole in the all type place that has a laid back feel to it. My kind of place, 100%

I really have no idea what a cacoila sandwich is, but I want it in my face right the fuck now:

This guy highly recommends it:

And while I don’t drink much anymore, I am a sucker for a good Bloody Mary and I’m stoked as fuck that this place still uses real straws and not those bullshit, soggy as shit in a sneaker paper straws that everyone’s using because a 5th grader said they were bad.

The place looks like it’s probably a good time. If you go there and like it, maybe leave a nice review to balance out the reviews from people who’ve never set foot in this place but felt the need to destroy their reputation because a stranger on the internet said they were mean to him.

Here’s a note to future people who want to try and drive a good place out of business for no fucking reason other than petty behavior:


We will get to the bottom of it.

You will look like the douche canoe you are.

If it even seems like it might be a little fishy, I’ll ask every person I know in that area about the place. I will call up the business owners and see what happened. I will figure you out from within using my magical abilities given to me by the psychology college courses I took. You will not win, you lying sonofabitch. When you mess with local businesses for the sake of attention or personal grudge, you’re messing with the turtle. And how does it go again? Oh, yeah…

Don’t. Poke. The. Turtle.

21 Comment(s)
  • Jacobfroaiseatsass
    October 30, 2018 at 6:56 pm

    I unfortunately know this jerkoff and there is no doubt he is lying. He’s a whiny, puss bitch who is as worthless as the loads he drops on guys’ backs

  • JoeMomma
    October 30, 2018 at 2:48 pm

    What a fag

  • randiguy2006
    Randall Guy
    October 30, 2018 at 10:45 am

    Looks like a real classy place. Maybe they’ll advertise here.

  • Stunt Penis
    October 30, 2018 at 7:52 am

    the first thing that poppped into my head when I saw that picture of the cacoila sandwich was: “how did turtleboy get a picture of guttermuppet’s snatch?”

  • The Phantom Gourmet
    October 30, 2018 at 12:16 am

    Nothing screams high dining like a paper plate, hotdog roll and mystery meat!

  • Katherine Ann Schwartz
    October 30, 2018 at 12:11 am

    I think Al’s is a great place if you like drinking bloody Mary’s with crazy gay Muslims and their moms. There is alway’s some meth to be found too!

  • Muhamed Ali Aseim
    October 29, 2018 at 11:44 pm

    AL’s Cafe isn’t the only restaurant in NB but it’s a great place to bring your mom for breakfast and then sneak into the back and get sucked off by Muslim guys!

  • Chaz
    October 29, 2018 at 11:01 pm

    I’m a little upset about the concern and the actions here. Every gay man on Cape Cod knows Al’s in New Bedford is a HOT gay hook up spot…what happens in Al’s bathroom stays in Al’s bathrooms (with some used condoms).

  • Bsmw
    October 29, 2018 at 8:46 pm

    I think one of those pics is from Al’s Cafe in Wahidin; Pontianak, Indonesia. The customer tagged the wrong Al’s.

  • Willy
    October 29, 2018 at 7:51 pm

    Men don’t wear hijab. Fact.
    Muslims don’t go to bars to drink alcohol. Fact.
    This tells you all that you needed to know about this lying loser

  • Huh
    October 29, 2018 at 5:38 pm

    It’s funny but when I’m going out to eat New Bedford would be the last place on earth I would think of going. That place looks like a fucking dump and even worse it sounds like up until recently it’s clientele is made up of hijab wearing homos!

  • Judge dread
    October 29, 2018 at 4:36 pm

    What is a hijab wearing muzzie dominate female slave doing alone in a place that serves alcohol? Good article this is fake as fuck. Just more victim shit to try to gather a Twitter / Facebook mob.

    If you’re a proud muzzie who wears a hijab why the fuck would you go into a bar?

    I bet these idiots blow lines, smoke weed in the bathroom, and do body shots on the reg.

    If you wanna do that shit that is fine, but they make this shit up to attack us via social engineering to make the majority of the Americans feel sympathy for these douche canoes. Export them to Somalia.

  • Rocky Raccoon
    October 29, 2018 at 4:36 pm

    None of those pictures that tagged Al’s cafe are actually at Al’s cafe. I’ve never seen a courtyard or a garden on that little block.

    Be smarter.

  • Jacob Froias
    October 29, 2018 at 3:41 pm

    Literally all those so called reviews from Facebook aren’t even from also cafe because they don’t have a Facebook page. That’s just one and two i have texts from her where she clearly says “so what he’s a fag and Al doesn’t want him here” lmao so i really would truly like for you to “get to the bottom of it” get your Scooby Doo on boys because i have no reason to defame people I’ve been friends witb for a literal decade. Oh and also my page is still perfectly available to see it definitely didnt deactivate it so maybe stop lying to your viewers that would be nice.

    • Saroukh Aslaam
      October 29, 2018 at 6:00 pm

      You think you’re funny putting on a hijab? Where I was born, they would have hanged you and THEN thrown you off a building, you brother fucker.
      You dare to act sanctimonious while insulting a religion?
      May Allah, Most Blessed One He Is, remove your gift of sight, you filthy scum.

      • Revrun Fishknuckle
        October 29, 2018 at 6:43 pm

        Aloha snackbar Aloha snackbar Aloha snackbar..

    • ThisIsMySarcasticTone
      October 29, 2018 at 8:05 pm

      Well stop deactivating it. Some of us want to snoop. Jeez

    • The Doctor
      October 29, 2018 at 8:43 pm

      Jacob Froias,
      Why did you write the post about being kicked out for wearing a hijab?
      Why are you, a man, wearing a hijab?

      Hear that beeping? It’s you, going in reverse. You can’t get out of this lie.

      • ABCD
        October 29, 2018 at 11:30 pm

        Sounds like cultural appropriation to me.

    • Bruce Lanceman
      October 29, 2018 at 9:14 pm

      Jacob dude, say sorry to Al and make up. We need you back on glory hole detail.

  • Good
    October 29, 2018 at 3:25 pm

    I have never been to Al’s but am going to start going there.

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