Hoodrat Heroes

Drunk Florida Woman Arrested For Literally Riding The Turtle

A drunk woman in Florida was arrested for riding an endangered turtle, which might be the biggest overreaction in the history of Florida justice. 

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NECNA Florida woman wanted after a picture of her riding a sea turtle went viral on social media was arrested early Saturday, police said, NBC News reported.

Stephanie Moore, 20, was jailed on a $2,000 bond on a felony warrant on charges of possessing, selling or molesting a marine turtle or eggs nest, the Melbourne Police Department said on Facebook.

Florida’s Marine Turtle Protection Act makes it a third-degree felony to injure, harm, harass, capture or attempt to capture any marine turtles, eggs or nests.

Moore was allegedly one of two women sitting on sea turtles in photographs from early July.

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Like we’ve said a million times before – there is an organized conspiracy out there to attack turtle riders. Doesn’t matter where you are – if you ride the turtle, they will come for you. There’s just no way possible this won’t get blamed on us. No way. Until the TBS Revolution came along no one ever saw a turtle and said to themselves, “I’m gonna ride that thing.” There’s a 99.9% chance these two party animals read the blog on the regular and were inspired to do some turtle riding of their own.

Look, I know this was technically illegal for these babes to do, but this is Florida we’re talking about. This is a state that just LET Casey Anthony get away with killing her kid. This is a state that lets psychopathic wannabe cops like George Zimmerman shoot people because he was getting his ass kicked after starting a fight he couldn’t finish. But they draw the line on drunk chicks sitting on a mega turtle? Give me a break.

I love turtles don’t get me wrong, but they exist to be other animal’s dinner. That’s just nature. I’d rather die from getting sat on by some butt-ripping alcoholic than I would being eaten by a shark.

The bottom line is, people gotta chill out with being so mad at this girl. Should she have sat on the turtle? Probably not. But getting arrested and facing charges? Give me a break. Plus she’s being charged with “molesting” the poor thing. You can’t be throwing that word out there like that. She was drunk and she saw a gigantic turtle and she sat on it. The turtle survived, she had a hangover, and they all lived happily ever after in the scumpit of America known as Florida.

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6 Comment(s)
  • strata
    September 29, 2015 at 11:27 am

    Gotta get a picture for my social media … need attention, need attention! Too many self centered losers in this country. Imagine the shit people would pull if we didn’t have laws?!

  • WormtownorBust
    September 29, 2015 at 10:10 am

    In the photo of the 2ng girl, the poor turtle isn’t looking so good.

  • BobnMic
    September 29, 2015 at 12:59 am

    Young Floridian hottie babes rule the planet. Sorry, it’s just me.

    • BobnMic
      September 29, 2015 at 1:02 am

      AND if I was that turtle I would turn upside down… Just sayin’

    • Leo
      September 29, 2015 at 2:24 pm

      Not just you.

  • Deb Mc
    September 28, 2015 at 3:27 pm

    Molesting a turtle, that’s reprehensible. I have to go wash my mind.

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