Dunk City Amherst: UMass Facializes Fordham At the Mullins Center

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Is it bullying to beat a team 90-52? Seriously though, can you even do that in this day and age without hurting people’s feelings? Because we here at TurtleBoySports frown upon bullying in all it’s forms. No one should ever have their feelings hurt. Ever. Not even crap happy teams like Fordham who think they can hang with the #13 team in the country on the road.

If you’re a UMass fan like I am then you’re probably sick and tired of nail biting Atlantic 10 games that come down the final possession. UMass has trailed in the majority of their conference contests this year against inferior competition, gutting out wins against St. Joe’s, St. Bonaventure, and George Mason before finally getting their hand caught in the cookie jar at Richmond earlier this week.

It was about time that the Minutemen came out and ran train on someone. Luckily, the Fordham Rams decided to accept the UMass challenge in Amherst today. The result was a two hour UMass pants tent.

Going into the game I noticed that the spread was 14 points. Free lunch. There was a 0% chance this game didn’t turn into a blowout. Coming off that Richmond loss and playing in front of a sold out Mullins Center crowd that was hungry for a good old fashioned facializing, it went exactly as planned.

Screen Shot 2014-01-26 at 8.39.04 PM


It was the first Sunday in forever in which I didn’t have hours upon hours of NFL football to watch and Fanduel teams to operate. This game easily filled that void in my life. Watching what the Minutemen did was nothing less than orgasmic. The starters hardly even had to play at all. Chaz Williams was the only one who even played more than 20 minutes. The trio of freshmen, Clyde Santee, Demetrius Dyson, and Seth Berger all got significant time and showed signs that they’re ready to step up next year when Chaz, Sampson Carter, and Raphiael Putney are all gone. Besides that it was just dunk, after dunk, after dunk, mixed in with the occasional three pointer. I counted nine total dunks. I’ve heard as high as eleven. Either way it was just a series of posterizing facials. We’re having some technical difficulties embedding vines on here, so here’s two six second clips of all of those dunks:

Hey Florida Gulf Coast, you were an awesome story and everything last year, but it’s time to move over because there’s a new Dunk City in college basketball. They play in Amherst. Here’s your official dunk by dunk recap:

Maxie Esho



Tyler Bergantino



Cady Lalanne



Maxie Esho



Raphiael Putney

Be8k8M0CIAA1QZz Be8k_PTCcAAglek


Cady Lalanne



Maxie Esho



Tyler Bergantino (kind of)



And even Seth Berger


When Seth Berger is dunking on you, you have officially hit rock bottom. Nice going FU. Serious question though – can Derek Gordon even dunk? He passed up three sure fire dunks on breakaways that he laid in instead. I mean, I’ll take the points, but it was just weird. He definitely can’t shoot free throws. Not to be a downer, but what the hell is wrong with him? I suck at basketball and I can hit six out of ten like you read about. There’s no way I should be a better free throw shooter than a Division 1 basketball player. If you’re reading this DG, consider this my official free throw challenge to you. You and TurtleBoy. Boyden gym. Any time brotha. 

Just an awesome, awesome game though. The fans were awesome the whole time. Despite how loud the crowd was though, there was one voice I could hear the whole time while play was going on. The incessant shouting of UMass super fan Josh Brown was impossible not to notice. The camera loves this guy. Even with UMass up by nearly 40 points he was still hackling the shit out of every Fordham player attempting to shoot a free throw in peace:

Heckling like you read about. The UMass Minutemen’s official sixth man. Suck on that Seattle. Apparently some idiots are complaining about him being too loud? Hey morons, if you don’t want to get a headache then go to the library. Welcome to UMASS baby!!


So what does this game tell us? Well, not that much I guess. UMass is a vastly superior team to Fordham, who obviously stopped trying completely in the second half. UMass went on a 90-45 run to end that game. FSR. The fact that the press worked doesn’t mean it will work against a real team like George Washington, Dayton, or St. Louis. VCU won’t allow them to have dunk practice on them February 21st either.

But what it does tell us though, is that when UMass hits their 3’s they can beat any zone defense in the country. Both of our losses have involved terrible shooting performances from downtown. UMass is too fast and explosive to play man to man defense, but you can stop them with a good zone defense when UMass isn’t hitting their shots.

Nevertheless, if they can continue to shoot anywhere close to what they did today then they will be an unstoppable force of nature come March. Can’t wait.

Go U!!

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