Nudniks Politics

Eddie Porkchops Is Resigning Presumably Because He’s Tired Turtleboy Reminding His Wife Of How He Cheated On Her A Billion Times With Bobbin For Boners

Follow @TurtleboyNews on Twitter by clicking here.

Follow Turtleboy on Instagram by clicking here.

Follow and like the Turtleboy Sports Forever, and Clarence Woods Emerson to keep up with the hilarious turtle rider commentary.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at for more information.

If you like free speech and want to support what we’re doing, feel free to donate to the Turtle fund:







Hey fam – if you’d like to support Turtleboy and what we do here, feel free to hit the donate button at the top. We basically have to run this site like a Bernie Sanders campaign now since we’ve been blacklisted by Google and Facebook, due to the fact that rabid SJWs keep reporting our posts. Getting blacklisted by Google is a death sentence for most websites, since it’s much harder to monetize. And we all know the damage Facebook has done. We’re never going to stop fighting for free speech, but in the meantime the best way for turtle riders to fight back is to donate to the cause. Without you people none of this is possible. We love you all.






I’m currently scream laughing as I type this. My dog is frightened. It’s worth it because…




Translation: “I have to quit because not only am I going to be recalled anyway, but my wife is getting wicked bummed out by Turtleboy reminding my wife that I’m a fat, cheating bastard every single time I do ANYTHING.”



The resemblance is uncanny.

Good, Rockland deserves better than these push push for perks counselors. It’s like an old school swingers’ key party up in Town Hall. I am saddened that this will probably be the last time we’ll get to poke fun at this Pillsbury stunt double, though. I’ll never not laugh at the “after David” video. Never.


Oh, my sides! Well, so long, farewell…Deirdre’s vag looks like a stairwell.

Ya know how he mentions the “amazing amount of stress” on his family like that’s something that was caused via no fault of his own? That pisses me off to no end. Bruh, you were banging the Town Hall pass around. You did this. Don’t act like you’re a friggin’ victim here. No one is a victim except for the families who are affected by wandering hog syndrome. The “tremendous turmoil” in town was caused by your, and other’s, trouser snakes. The whole damn thing reads as if that didn’t happen. A+ exit speech, Eddie.

I’m really going to miss the drama coming out of Rockland with the whole Bobbin For Boners tale, it was fantastic theater. The twists and turns, the purple hooded dragon slobber, the AFTER DAVIDS. Here’s hoping that Rockland gets better town government, but also that the next batch is equally as hysterical.

Esther Manch on the book, baby.


11 Comment(s)
  • Turd Reversalist
    August 2, 2018 at 5:18 am

    I’d give her a solid pistoning in the poop tube, sending pics of the resulting drippy creampie on her phone to her old man.
    I bet she likes to get tied up and prone boned.

  • TheBigOldDog
    August 1, 2018 at 8:23 pm

    How mentally ill do you have to be to write a letter like that? This town is seriously screwed. Town hall is a freak show and now I have a good idea why. Sick bastards like these 3 were running it like their own little High School clique.

    Rockland has one of the highest property tax rates in the entire Commonwealth. It is significantly higher than every neighboring town and yet, rates no better, and often much worse, in important categories like Schools, crime and public works. It took this scandal for some of us to realize the Town Administrator was looking for a $30K/yr increase and was going to get it despite a piss poor attitude and acting as if the residence worked for him, rather than the other way around. It seems like we still have more shoes to drop with the town accountant on paid leave and other violations not related to the sex scandal by the Town Admin. It’s time for residence to wake up and take back this town and find out where all the money is going. Let’s cancel all contracts, fire everyone and start over from scratch!

  • Sir Wilfred Death
    August 1, 2018 at 5:15 pm

    Local government is the best government. But sometimes you get these kinds of reprobates.

    On the bright side, at least Eddie Porkchops and Bobbin did not produce a child. It would probably have become a future governor of Massachusetts. Gross.

  • z
    August 1, 2018 at 3:20 pm

    Is Eddie Porkchops considered a ratchet?
    Because if he is, he’s in the running for ratchet of the year. Worse than her.

    Shame is the best weapon especially when someone doubles or triples down. I kind of let initial coverups slide, that’s just human nature.

    It’s unfortunate life isn’t like a foul in the NBA. Buzzer buzzes, player raises their hand to say “Yeah, you got me”. The game moves on. I know this isn’t the NBA but I guess he did think that you can be a dick without repercussions. This can’t be his first rodeo and it must of worked before.

    • Crackers
      August 1, 2018 at 5:18 pm

      100% Ratchet

  • Mike
    August 1, 2018 at 2:44 pm

    Another shoe in town is about to drop!

  • Y
    August 1, 2018 at 2:43 pm

  • Josey Wales
    August 1, 2018 at 2:18 pm

    Come on Eddie…how about all the stress you put on Bobbin for Boners smelly freckle. I am sure you had that shit hole looking up at you as you played Farmer Brown …Plowing that dirt patch and planting your seed deep in that muddy furrow. What did you expect to grow?? Respect? I do have a serious question…have you ever thought of working at Necco as a fudge packer?

    • Hughbo Mont
      August 1, 2018 at 2:47 pm

      To late for Necco, it’s gone.

  • Lou P
    Lou P
    August 1, 2018 at 2:12 pm

    A huge, loud shout out for the TurtleboySports blog. If it wasn’t for this blog, the spotlight would never have been shined as brightly as it did on the shenanigans in Rockland. You kept the heat on and published the unvarnished truth.
    No other media has covered this small town spectacle and given it its due. As a result, Eddie PorkChops and Bobbin’ are history; perhaps they can make their family a priority, as they should have been all along.
    Meanwhile, we will all keep riding the Turtle.

Comment on this Post


Nostalgic Facebook Commentators Are Really Pissed Off About Snow Days For Kids
Guy Who Tried Hiding In Tree To Flee Cops on I-290 Earns Moron of the Week Award
Washed Up NBA Players Make Terrible Life Decision Following Dennis Rodman to North Korea for Kim Jong Un Birthday Party