Ejacugate Is A Political Witch Hunt And The Fact That Kraft Mac And Cheese Can Get Served Up Back To Back Days Including AFC Championship Dady Is Remarkable


More news emerged about Bob Kraft’s discount handy yesterday. Here’s what we know:

  • The first time he went he was being watched and got pulled over by the police immediately afterwards.
  • Nevertheless he went again the next day, which just so happened to be the day of the AFC Championship game in Kansas City.
  • They have him on film, full spam javelin and all.
  • He hugged them afterwards and gave them money.
  • According to the DA, “This is not about lonely old men or victimless crimes, this is about criminals who traffic victims into our country for forced labor and sex.”
  • Also according to the DA, “Our office treats everyone the same. No one gets any special justice in Palm Beach County.”

Here’s my takeaways:

  1. The good luck rub obviously worked because we won the AFC Championship.
  2. The mere fact that he is powerful enough to have time to sleep in on the day of the AFC Championship, and then stop by the strip mall for a quick HJ, without having to worry about being later for the game, is something I will never be able to comprehend. When you fly, it takes up your whole day. You cancel all other plans. Imagine what it’s like to never have to worry about going through security at Logan, or getting to the airport an hour and a half before departure? This guy gets on planes like he’s going to the grocery store. He has all the time in the world.
  3. How much choad nectar does Bob Kraft produce? He 77 years old and gets 2 handy’s within 18 hours of each other. Jesus dude, you don’t think they have rub n tugs in Kansas City? Or you couldn’t just wait till you got back to Providence? Just gave new meaning to “no days off.”
  4. The idea that Bob Kraft or any of the other John’s is in anyway affiliated with human trafficking is insane. He went there to serve of some Kraft Mac and Cheese. They’re not there to find out any information on the women doing the evacuating. I for one would assume they were all Salter School dropouts looking to save up money for beauty school.
  5. How the hell did they get those cameras in there, and how is that legal? Who’s running the police department – Bill Belichick? What if someone thought it was a legit place and went in there looking to get your run of the mill massage? They’re being filmed too? Seems like an invasion of privacy.
  6. Bob Kraft should be able to beat this (no pun intended) easily. It’s not like he’s Jussie Smollett (remember him?) and wrote “handjob” on the memo line. You just say you went in there for a massage and the nice Korean girl started cupping your balls. Is it a crime NOT to say stop? And who wouldn’t go back the next day after that? I don’t know anyone who uses just one Kraft single on a grilled cheese.
  7. Handjobs aren’t prostitution. If you’re massaging a dude’s body I don’t see why the fulcrum is off limits. It’s a part of the body and clearly in the field of play.
  8. This would never happen in the North. We don’t parade Johns like this for show, which is why we won the Civil War, I think. This is an overzealous DA who no one would pay attention to if he wasn’t going after Bob Kraft, trying to make a name for himself. If Kraft wasn’t on the list there’s no way he’d be going after the John’s, because the people who are doing the trafficking are the criminals here. This dude’s just trying to have his Elliot Ness moment and he’s sacrificing poor ol’ Bob Kraft who just wanted to serve up some albino lipstick before the big game.
  9. It’s sad that these women are victims of human trafficking and I’m sure Bobby feels bad about it. But like most people who have visited these joints he probably didn’t think very much about the help. Maybe now he will. And learning is half the battle.


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33 Comment(s)
    February 27, 2019 at 10:46 am

    Great ad placement! “Asian Girls in Boston want to meet you!”

    How’s the sushi, guys?

  • randiguy2006
    Randall Guy
    February 27, 2019 at 10:19 am

    Human trafficking is funny.

  • Vanilla in Manilla
    February 26, 2019 at 9:12 pm

    Apparently Jupiter Florida Police now have video evidence of the Patriots deflating balls. Old Bob is worth 6 billion and relying on LBFMs ? come on, go to any wrinkle ranch in the commonwealth and you can get a handy and your salad tossed for two or three white Russians.

  • Victory Lane
    February 26, 2019 at 8:18 pm

    Little inside info… the cameras got in there via a fake bomb threat.

  • Free RK
    February 26, 2019 at 2:37 pm

    Rape should not be a crime.

  • Giggedy, giggedy,giggedy
    February 26, 2019 at 1:59 pm

    It’s a handy and a blow two days in a row. At 77 that seems like heaven,I hope one day I’ll be able to go.

  • Luv Long Time
    February 26, 2019 at 1:33 pm

    Well let’s weigh it out.
    Let’s say you’re a smoking hot Girl in Korea and you have only two options.
    1. Stay in Korea and work 80 hours a week working in a filthy hot Nike factory making Air Jordans for $8.00 a week.
    2. Come to America and work in an air conditioned Spa jerking off wealthy executives and getting great tip money.
    Let’s be honest, Krafts favorite girl must have done something right because he went back in less than 24 hr.

    Then again fucking an Asian girl is a lot like Chinese food. You eat all you can until you’re full and then 20 minutes later you’re hungry again!

    • Y
      February 26, 2019 at 8:22 pm

      You must’ve never banged an Asian because your analogy is far from true (imo at least).

  • Anyone know the Palm Isle?
    February 26, 2019 at 1:30 pm

    Any evidence that he turned over while naked and or said the words “non-therapeutic” massage? Those are the universal signals to tell the masseuse you want the knuckle shuffle on the piss pump, or so I’ve heard…

  • Whateva
    February 26, 2019 at 1:11 pm

    Kraft could essentially claim “#metoo.” Am I a bad female for suggestion that? This is definitely a political witch hunt and it’s silly. (Spoiler alert I didn’t vote Trump.) Next time he should stick with the “models/escorts” on Newbury St. Like the rest of the New England big guns do.

  • Jay
    February 26, 2019 at 12:56 pm

    Do people understand there is no “human trafficking” component to this. The girls deny that they are captive and no one was charged with anything related to trafficking. If they were really being trafficked should police watch and surveil for 6 months while they continue to be “kidnapped and abused”

    • Akihito
      February 26, 2019 at 6:48 pm

      Trafficking requires force or coercion, the only way I see that happening is if one made an agreement to get help or money to get to the US then tried to back out. All of them? No way.

      Also the sheriff is up for reelection I’m pretty sure.

  • Pulled Pud
    February 26, 2019 at 12:27 pm

    Don’t be too hardon the guy. The situation is still fluid and more stuff could come up. If he goes to court all he has to do is skip the viagra and the evidence won’t stand up. This is very fake news. I think they’re just pulling his leg. I heard one of the massage therapists was blind. You really have to hand it to her.

    • Hugh-Bo Mont
      February 26, 2019 at 1:07 pm

      Well done!

  • Sarah Bryna Webber
    February 26, 2019 at 12:26 pm

    Usually like Shell shocker blogs, but this one is fucking naive and lacks common sense. Minimize Kraft age and wealth all you want. Anyone and I mean anyone in this day and age should know there’s a high risk that a Chinese Blowjob Handjob Spa is going to have indentured women, who fled their communist country and ended up in a tough situation with some scumbag pimp. Kraft, being an intelligent man, should have known that was the possibility, but he did not care. The sting found out what they were investigating, there were forced workers. Now lets look at your list of bad reinforcing takeaways-
    1. Funny jab, got it
    2. Don’t get what that is even supposed to mean, yeah, he travels different than most, what the fuck is the relevance?
    3. Makes no sense. Ok, Kraft has daily sperm count, what’s KC and Providence got to do with that. Incomplete thought there
    4. As noted above, sure Kraft isn’t responsible, but he isn’t your dick head GED grad from Miami Beach, this is a smart guy and he should have known what he was walking into. I am not holding him accountable for the trafficing. They found it there, he willingly walked into it, now we find out after getting pull over the first time! Dumb Fuck, that’s ratchery for most anyone else. Double standard shellshocker.
    5.Invading a real massage customers rights? Are you fucking serious? Anyway, common sense would say they did prelim investigation and got a warrant. Turtleboy supports hard working clean cops, isn’t an investigator doing one by the book worthy of that same admiration? There is no right, if there’s a proven warrant from a judge.
    6. Are you fucking serious, that is so weak. So this indentured servant all of sudden got hungry to stick a dick in her mouth. Sure, after she’s been made to force many others during the day into her cupper. Great logic there. Also, you best read up, Kraft is on tape getting head, not just a handy.
    7. Just stupid. Not even going to unqualify that stupid statement.
    8. Fucking WRONG! You best do some Goolge Research, FLA has so many John stings, it’s amazing. It’s like they lead the Nation in doing so. If weren’t for Kraft they would be doing a sting? My god, were you fucked up or something when you wrote this?
    9. Finally, a worthy addition to this blog. Too bad the full crap before it sort of over shadows this one fine observation.
    Surprised, you actually wrote this piece of shit.

    • Mike Hunt
      February 26, 2019 at 1:08 pm

      You seem like you’d be fun at parties. How much for a hando?

    • Whateva
      February 26, 2019 at 1:17 pm

      Dear Sarah,

      1.)Not everything on the interwebs is true.

      2.) You will still be safe at Target. You will not be kidnapped and forced to give Happy Endings to Executives

      3.) A good amount of illegals will say that they were enslaved once they’re caught.

      4.) I highly doubt if anyone who entered that spa knew any details regarding the women

    • Wwy
      February 26, 2019 at 5:24 pm

      Sarah got ya kike kissing ass good.

    • Rick S
      April 4, 2019 at 6:30 am

      Guess I’m the only one who would go to get a massage and not assume because the women is Chinese she be offering me a happy ending… isn’t that stereotyping the person?

  • Great story Dummy
    February 26, 2019 at 12:08 pm

    I don’t know why fucking idiots like the writer of this article keep associating Bob Kraft with Kraft Mac and Cheese?
    He has absolutely nothing to fucking do with Mac and cheese you fucking morons he makes his money in the paper and cardboard industry.
    Do some research you lazy fucking losers.

  • Mom’s Basement
    February 26, 2019 at 11:16 am

    One more thing. Am I the only one that assumed that he already had a traveling harum? I mean, otherwise what’s the point of being a gazillionaire? He needs a new assistant.

  • Fucking Hypocrits
    February 26, 2019 at 11:16 am

    Also according to the DA, “Our office treats everyone the same. No one gets any special justice in Palm Beach County.” Except of course Brenda Snipes and the massive voter fraud in the 2018 elections. I guess that sodomizing every voter in the country is alright if your a dim.

    • Wwy
      February 26, 2019 at 5:22 pm

      She wasn’t a diddling Jew like Kraft.

  • Gomer Pyle
    February 26, 2019 at 11:07 am

    I dunno. I get a hard on when my hot hair stylist is doing the old head massage thing for a bigger tip. Is that illegal? I’m pretty sure she isn’t trafficked but she told me she’s getting stalked and shit.
    Pretty much nobody cares. I don’t get why heroin users aren”t arrested for using . Isn’t this pretty much the same thing? Why does one user of illegal shit get arrested and taped and threatened with jail when the other is like given free methadone and all sympathized with when they’re like a billion times worse than old guys getting handies?

    • Batman
      February 26, 2019 at 11:22 am

      William Kennedy Smith, I rest my case your honor.

      • Batman
        February 26, 2019 at 11:24 am

        Was meant for fuckin hypocrits one comment above.

  • Rockets Redglare
    February 26, 2019 at 11:07 am

    Bob was raped. And like many rape victims he was too afraid and embarrassed to cum forward, or sideways for that matter. He gave them money cuz he feared for his life. How about some ‘free Bob” T shirts?
    Like the story pointed out, two money shots back to back days at 77? I’m 61, and I need 48 hours and a bowl of Wheeties…

  • Joe Kazonia
    February 26, 2019 at 11:00 am

    If this is not about lonely old men, why did the police allow these “victims” to continue turning tricks for two months, all while the police watched?? These cops should have sent in an undercover, have him get propositioned and then immediately shut the operation down, that is what they would have done if it was about protecting the women. How many diseases were these women subjected to while the police watched?

    • Batman
      February 26, 2019 at 11:08 am

      Joe, totally agree. And she’ll shocker is right on the taping part, how can they know who is there for what? What a joke. If it was a billionaire democrap, I’m sure the results would’ve been different. Still shocked by his stupidity, come mr Kraft , you gotta be smarter than this.

      • MAGA
        February 26, 2019 at 2:39 pm

        I dunno, a wall is keep out a lot of these underage illegal handjob sluts.

  • Mom's Basement
    February 26, 2019 at 10:56 am

    The handjob is the Trojan Horse of femdom. Maybe it’s different when you pay for it but in my experience most handys border on domestic violence.

  • Y
    February 26, 2019 at 10:45 am

    They’re gunning for him because he’s friends w/Trump. They want to tie this to Trump and use it as an example of Trump’s character (you are the company you keep).
    Who gives a shit.
    #Trump2020 #MAGA

  • Frank Rizzo
    February 26, 2019 at 10:40 am

    Was not two back to back handjobs, one handjob and one blowjob, GET YOUR FACKS STRAIGHT! FRANK FUKKIN’ RIZZO!!!

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