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England Is Mad At LeBron James For Touching Kate Middleton, Prince William Before Showering And I Don’t Know Who I Hate Most In This

LeBron James picture with Kate Middleton and Prince William

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Basketball player LeBron James may have scored a slam dunk for his photo album, but he put himself in danger of being struck off the royal Christmas card list by putting his arm around the Duchess of Cambridge. Prince William and Kate posed with the star Cleveland Cavaliers player in New York yesterday after a game with the Brooklyn Nets, where they were presented with a shirt for Prince George.

But as the camera flashes went off, Mr James put his arm around the Duchess’ shoulder – a breach in etiquette, even though he is known as King James. Etiquette expert William Hanson told MailOnline that although the Duchess is unlikely to give Mr James the cold shoulder, he still should have kept his arm away from her.

He said: ‘Although I am sure the Duchess of Cambridge won’t have worried about it, Mr James should not have put his arm around her. Americans are much more tactile than we Brits and this is another example of an American being too touchy feely with British royalty. You’d have thought they’d have learned by now.’

The 6ft 8in basketball star also appeared alongside the royals in a sweaty top, which some may regard as bad form. Mr Hanson added: ‘A shower would have been preferable but he had just finished a game – so even more reason for him not have opened his pits by lifting his arm and placing it around Her Royal Highness!’ 


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If figures LeBron James and Prince William should be boys. They’re both filthy rich beyond anything we could possibly imagine, but all the money in the world can’t stop a receding hairline on a mission.

Seriously, both of these guys are posers and imaginary “kings.” Newsflash for LeBron – there is only one king of basketball and his name is Michael Jordan. Likewise William, the fact that you haven’t declared war on France or had three of your wives executed yet tells me that you sir are no Henry VIII, and you’re certainly not fit to be King.

There’s just so much to dislike about all parties involved here that I don’t know where to begin. I mean, we have LeBron, Britain, royalty, New York, Beyonce, and unwritten rules all coming together. here. It’s like the perfect storm of nudnikery.

First let me say that the whole concept of royalty is the dumbest thing we still have going for us in 2014. How this outdated, archaic institution manages to continue to exist after democracy has been all the rage for past 200 years, is beyond me.

Oh yea, and guess what dingbats – you visited us. We don’t go to England and make you eat barbecue chicken. Don’t come here and think your etiquette rules are something we’ll be taking seriously. The fact that being an “etiquette expert” is an actual job, like our boy William Hanson has here, tells me all I need to know about you people. Seriously, this guy’s face just oozes of dooshnozzelry:

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You people still pay homage to unelected, lucky sperm, which is the reason why you guys are such a joke now. I mean, you used to run the whole fucking world. Colonies everywhere. Now look at ya. You’re just holding onto some scraps like Northern Ireland. I mean, take a hint guys. America ditched your ass 200+ years ago. After that it was like a chain of dominos. You guys couldn’t even hold onto India or ANY countries in Africa. Weak sauce. Plus every time you start a world war you summon America like we’re Goddamn batman. They used to say that the sun never sets on the British Empire. Now it’s never there which explains why Kate Middleton has to use so much spray tan.

And now that England has nothing left what’s the point of even having a King? I mean, I can understand Queen Victoria. She was like a mythical creature that had to run the world and have everything named after her. But now that England just looks like a turd that Scandinavia dumped into the North Sea and forgot to flush, why do they still exist? It’s like being the King of Vermont. Only joke countries like Nigeria still have prince’s and kings. And at least they’re financed by little old lady’s who don’t understand how their email account that their grandson set up for them works. The good people of Nigeria would never finance that type of monarchy on their own.

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What grinds my gears most about England, is that they’re acting like Kate Middleton is some precious doll that can only be handled with clean hands. Because the fact of the matter is that Kate Middleton has taken many a royal dump at Buckingham Palace. This is Brooklyn – no one gives a shit about your dumbass rules about showering before touching the princess. He should’ve kept his arm away from her Will Hanson? Actually no. He should do whatever the hell he feels like doing because this is America. If you don’t like the way our sweet, delicious freedom tastes then you can beat it.

I don’t mean to shit on England either. They did bring civilization to the world and for the last 150 years they’ve generally been on the right side of history. They also brought us Austin Powers and Snatch, which were excellent movies. I’m sure there’s plenty of Brits that are just as fed up as I am with this nonsense, just as there are PLENTY of Americans who actually get invested in the British monarchy.

queen elizabeth memes

The only thing worse than British etiquette experts are Americans that buy into this nonsense. How many morons woke up early to watch these lucky sperm untie in holy matrimony? How many people waited by their internet to find out if the royal fetus had a penis? Millions. Hey idiots – you think we threw all that tea into Lake Michigan so that we could still kiss these people’s asses? Nope. If you like them so much why don’t you take your tory asses across the pond and eat fish and chips for the rest of your life.

The royal family cost the taxpayer’s of the United Kingdom close to $320 million in 2006. That’s about $350 per person, depending on income. Of that, the Queen gets a $37 million dollar allowance. Yup, that’s right. A woman who has never had a career and only has her “job” because she popped out of a royal vagina, gets to spend $3 million a month on whatever she wants to. And apparently everyone in England is just COOL with this. Oh yea, and $11.5 million is spent on travel expenses so that William and Kate can go and hang out with Dikembe Mutombo and stuff a bunch of Brooklyn popcorn down their gullets:

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And did I mention they’re tax exempt? Yup, they are nothing more than extremely wealthy, state-funded welfare leeches with funny accents. Remember that next time someone tells you that the U.S. should institute some program because it “worked in Europe.” Sorry, I can’t take any government seriously where the people allow their hard earned money to finance unelected lucky sperm so they can go to America and hang out with Jay-Z. Get your shit together England. You’re better than that.

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7 Comment(s)
  • For the crown
    May 11, 2016 at 3:05 pm

    You should all be careful with your comments. They are extremely rich and powerful, with ability and connections to have you all cuffed up for insults against the CROWN.

  • FACTMAN
    December 10, 2014 at 10:39 am

    Its tough to make fun of England when America treats their President pretty much the same way now.

    • Vanderbooger
      December 10, 2014 at 9:26 pm

      Well, half of the country does. Look at the last 20 years. Half of the country reveres whoever is in office, the other half thinks he is the devil.

      • FACTMAN
        December 11, 2014 at 8:40 am

        Yea i’m also talking about Vineyard vacations that cost the taxpayers hundreds of millions of dollars that no one seems to have a problem with.

      • December 19, 2014 at 11:51 am

        no just satans helper

  • Vanderbooger
    December 10, 2014 at 10:20 am

    She didn’t even pop out of a royal vagina!! How big of a fraud is this!! Her mother married George, who only became king because his older brother wanted to taste some sweet sweet American freedom titties. Then Queen Elizabeth’s mom somehow became the queen, but Elizabeth was like ten at the time… so she popped out of a noble vagina, at best.

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