ESPN Only Suspending Brit McHenry For A Week Is Such An ESPN Move

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Everyone’s been buzzing about ESPN sideline reporter Britt McHenry who went off on a tow truck company employee. So it was time we chimed in. Here’s the tape:

You know how I know that Britt McHenry sucks at life? She goes by “Britt.” Apparently SOMEONE thought they were wicked cool in high school and hasn’t grown out of that phase.

Let’s look at what she said so we can show you why Britt McHenry is the antichrist. First she said, “I’m in the news sweetheart. I will fucking sue this place.”

You’re in the news? No, actually you’re not. You’re just a nice piece of eye candy who ESPN hired to ask scripted questions to athletes. It doesn’t actually mean you’re in the news. There’s a line of hot blondes behind you who could replace you in an instant. But studies have shown that being attractive will get you further places in life.

That’s why I have a degree and you don’t”

Congratulations hun. We’re real proud of ya. Apparently that degree didn’t teach you how to park your car in a place where it wouldn’t get towed.

I wouldn’t work at a scumbag place like this.”

Ummmm, you work at ESPN. A network which exists to follow around Bron-Bron and Brett Favre. A network which employs the extremely racist Jemele Hill, who once famously said that rooting for the Celtics is like rooting for Hitler. You are already work for the biggest scumbag place in America.


Yup, that’s all you care about is taking people’s money.”

Yea, welcome to America Britt. Any business that doesn’t exist to make money from people is a pretty shitty business.

With no education, so skill set.”

Skill set? What skill set do you have Britt? Because make no doubt about it, you don’t have your job because you’re skilled. You have your job because guys everywhere look at you and think about sex. That’s a scientific fact.

Do you feel good about your job? So I could be a college dropout and do the same thing? Why cause I have a brain and you don’t?”

Translation – I spent all this money going to school and got a job, like I’ve been trained to believe is the only way to make it in America. But yet here we are and I’m giving YOU my ESPN money, even though I am smarter than you. That’s no fair!!

“Maybe if I was missing some teeth they’d hire me. Cause I’m on television and you’re in a fucking trailer honey. Lose some weight baby girl.”

You know who wouldn’t hire you if you were missing some teeth and overweight? ESPN.

I would pay good money to watch Britt McHenry try this at Pat’s Towing. There would be a 99% chance Patsy Santa Maria would be throwing her into Dead Hooker Pond if she brought that sort of sass down to Shrewsbury Street.

Look, everyone knows tow truck companies are the biggest scumbuckets on earth. Pure evil. But ya know what? Welcome to America. These people saw a demand and they supplied it. People are always gonna park in places they shouldn’t be. That’s a scientific fact. We need tow truck companies like we need flush toilets and birth control. We need order. And when you’re in a spot you shouldn’t be in, we don’t wait for you to come out and make the situation right. Someone has to tow cars, so why not them? God bless America. The land where the government can give you a contract to take people’s cars and sell them back to em.

I will say this though. Kind of fucked up with the whole camera thing. Here you have this woman who had her car towed. She was basically forced to go into a place that had a surveillance camera on her. She got mad, just like everyone is when they go in there. Then they edited the tape and leaked it to the media. Kind of fucked up.

But I totally respect the move besides that. Because she totally deserved it. Brit McHenry is the worst person on earth, and unfortunately there are TONS of people like her. This was more than just being pissy. This is some Regina George shit. And it’s definitely not the first time she’s done something like this. Deadspin has actually chronicled her long history of shenanigans just like this one.

She doesn’t have her job because she’s the most qualified candidate for it. She has the job she does for the same reason she’s gotten everything her entire life – she’t a prim looking star gazer.

But you know what the biggest dead giveaway was that Britt McHenry is a terrible, terrible human being? She “apologized” on Twitter. There is nothing more self-important than writing an apology on Twitter. I have a Twitter account. Twitter sucks. It’s one huge popularity contest to see who can get the most followers without following people back. Britt McHenry proved my point on December 15th when she tried to Boom-Roast MLS soccer player Mike Magee:

Screen Shot 2015-04-19 at 12.49.35 PM

See what she did there? She had to point out how important she is. Mike Magee follows her, but she doesn’t follow him. Therefore she’s cooler than him in Twitterland. Ironically he has almost 100,000 more followers than her.

You can’t do a single thing on Twitter that you can’t do on Facebook, thus it has no purpose. Twitter exists for two reasons:

  1. So media and celebrities can stroke their egos and talk in a language that peons can’t understand.
  2. So high school kids can hide from their parents after they got Facebook accounts.

The only thing worse than a Twitter apology, is a bullshit Twitter apology. You think Lisa Dyer’s apology was hilariously disingenuous? Here’s Britt’s:

“In an intense and stressful moment, I allowed my emotions to get the best of me and said some insulting and regrettable things. As frustrated as I was, I should always choose to be respectful and take the high road. I am so sorry for my actions and will learn from this mistake.”

See that right there? She’s not sorry for calling a low wage worker fat. She’s not sorry for belittling a human being who doesn’t work for ESPN because they’re not a hot blonde like her. She’s not sorry for assuming that the person behind the counter didn’t go to college and thus is a lesser person than she is.

Nope, she’s sorry “for her actions,” which she points out were caused by an “intense and stressful moment.” Thus it wasn’t her fault. Just like Lisa Dyer never mentioned the person who was victimized by her bullying, Britt McHenry doesn’t have it in her to mention the lowly person she degraded.

The biggest joke in all of this is that she’s only being suspended by ESPN for a week. It’s not like she’s a long term employee or anything. She’s worked there for a year. Meanwhile Bill Simmons, the man who invented blogging and brings much, much more value to ESPN than Britt McHenry ever could, was suspended for three weeks for pointing out that Roger Goodell is a corrupt woman-beating enabler.

And most likely this is going to help her career, not hurt it. I’m not gonna lie, I never heard of Britt McHenry before this happened. Now she’s a household name and she’ll be the next Erin Andrews. Only a matter of time until Fox pries her away from ESPN with a big raise.

The bottom line is that Turtleboy Sports is a feminist family blog. We believe that women should be treated fairly and have equal opportunities based on their merits. This Turtleboy has two daughters. Nothing would make me prouder as a Dad than to see them achieve the success that Britt McHenry has. But unfortunately we live in a world where they will first be judged based on how attractive they are. Sports and media networks employ a plethora of women who only have their jobs because they look good. As a feminist Britt McHenry and ESPN offend me. Yet where are the so-called feminists calling out this blatant sexism and objectification of women? Oh yea, nowhere. Because just like racial justice has been hijacked by psychopaths like Joyce McNickles and Gordon Davis, so too has feminism been hijacked by men-hating losers that no one wants to marry.

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11 Comment(s)
  • Larry Mondello
    April 19, 2015 at 6:33 pm

    Lady Di said it best: “Britt Mc Henry has been this way since junior high.” That’s where it starts. Junior high. But since she’s hot she gets off easy.

    • BobnMic
      April 19, 2015 at 7:10 pm

      Girls like her are a dime a dozen. So what she is hot. She’s still an asshole and that puts her in the “not to be considered zone” because right behind her is yet another hot girl who is not an asshole…

      • Leo
        April 19, 2015 at 11:02 pm


      • BobnMic
        April 19, 2015 at 11:54 pm

        No actually you got to bang her one time good then move the fuck on HEY!

        • BobnMic
          April 20, 2015 at 12:20 am

          Not funny and did not mean that my stupid roommate

      • Jason
        April 28, 2015 at 1:04 am

        Ah, yet another liberal scumbag who thinks because she got a worthless liberal arts degree she is smarter and better than the average working person. But liberals are the tolerant ones. And good job on the “your not in the news, you ask scripted questions to athletes” comment, turtleboy. I thought the same thing when I heard this dirtbag say that.

  • BobnMic
    April 19, 2015 at 5:45 pm

    I never thought that such a seemingly smart hot looking chick could be so gross, disgusting and stupid at the same time.

  • Jesús Montalvo
    April 19, 2015 at 4:58 pm

    College graduate ≠ has a brain

    • Forrest Gumpeker
      April 19, 2015 at 5:31 pm

      AKA Turtleboy

  • Not-A-Hippie
    April 19, 2015 at 3:50 pm

    1) Didn’t happen on their time

    2) This tape is clearly edited; we don’t know what happened before the video starts.

    3) This tow company has the worst BBB rating in that area

    4) She was miffed. When people are miffed, they hurl the best (worst) insults they can.

    This is a non-story.

  • Fist
    April 19, 2015 at 3:08 pm

    Well, not that I watch sports anyways, but ESPN won’t be on TV at my house after this one. I can’t support an organization that allows that kind of bullshit to happen on their watch.

    She’s the news, ha. I’m willing to bet that 90% of people knew her as, “you know, that hot chick that was talking to Brady after the game?” To most of the world she didn’t even have a name until this. Fuck her and fuck ESPN.

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