So Reddit came up with this map of the most hated NFL teams by state. Here it is:
I love shit like this. Can’t stop staring at it. This map basically confirms what we already know – people who live in asshole states hate the New England Patriots. Florida, New York, and Indiana don’t like us. I’ll take that as a compliment. Indiana is the funniest one. It’s like they’re still butthurt that Tom Brady owns Peyton Manning. Newsflash – there is no Colts-Patriots rivalry anymore. Andrew Luck is good, but he ain’t close to Brady yet. We showed what happens when you come at the Patriots last year in the playoffs. When you come at the King you best not miss.
And Florida kind of surprises me. Since when does anyone there give a shit about the Dolphins? They haven’t sold out a game since 72.
New York at least makes perfect sense. They have Buffalo AND New York. Do you know how many assholes that is? Like a billion assholes.
I’m not gonna lie, I’m kind of offended the Pats aren’t the most hated teams in Pennsylvania, Maryland, and New Jersey. The Cowboys? Really Pennsylvania and Jersey? This isn’t 1995, who still hates the Cowboys? They suck. That’s like hating the Jacksonville Jaguars. What kind of red blooded Jersey-ite doesn’t hate all things New England with a burning passion?
Maryland is easily the most surpassing though. Ravens fans are wild savages. They literally gave Ray Rice a standing ovation on his return to camp the other day. I’m not even kidding. Ray Rice got a standing ovation after returning from beating his wife. Because it takes a lot to get over beating the shit out of your wife. But seriously, stop pretending like you hate the Steelers more than us. No one gives a shit about the Steelers. They’re relevant once every four years, which is only slightly less often than you are.
I’ll tell you this though. After the Patritos run train on the NFL this year and win the Super Bowl again, I expect at least half this map to be Patriots. They hate us because they ain’t us.
Last thing is this – I don’t hate the Jets more than anyone else. I guess I’m in the minority. I’m at a bachelor party right now and I just polled the room. There were three votes for the Jets out of five. There was one vote for the giants too, but for me, easily I hate the Ravens the most. Is there a bigger bunch of whiny assholes than the Baltimore Ravens? They’re the Tampa Bay Rays of the NFL. “Spygate, wahhhhhhhhh. Tuck rule, wahhhh.” It’s deeply ingrained in the culture there.
Am I the only one who feels this way? Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.