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Extra Woke Bootleg IG Model With “I Have No Tits” Clothing Line Posts Viral Warning About Potassium Killing Us In Bomb Ass Ocean Spray

Extra Woke Bootleg IG Model With “I Have No Tits” Clothing Line Posts Viral Warning About Potassium Killing Us In Bomb Ass Ocean Spray

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The Internet is a vicious place, and there’s nothing we like to do more on the Internet than shame a moron. Check out this noodlebrain’s post, that’s been shared over 13,000 times:

You can’t make up this kind of stupid. It can only come from within. I don’t even know where to begin. Let’s start from the top.

Nicole Cole was just minding her business, drinking some of that BOMB ASS Cran Raspberry Ocean Spray. Ya know, the stuff that “everybody” thinks is bomb! I know often times I’m sitting in the kitchen with Mrs. Turtleboy and Turtleboy Jr, and Turtleboy Jr says to me, “let me get some of that bomb ass Cran Raspberry, Daddy.”

Next thing you know she sees it has potassium in it!! Uh-oh!! Potassium is used to kill rats. Wait…..what? Oh…..LOL. She’s talking about potassium cyanide, commonly known as “rat poison.” Ya see, potassium cyanide is called a “compound.” A compound is a substance that results from when two or more CHEMICAL elements on the periodic table have a huge orgy. They all start doing nasty, unspeakable things to each other, and they’re inserting themselves into other elements using chemical bonds that act like a penis fly trap. Potassium cyanide does contain potassium, but it’s only lethal because the potassium has bonded with copernicium and become potassium cyanide.

But thank God she ended her hilarious, nonsensical rant with “stay woke.” Because the only way you can learn about Ocean Spray trying to kill you is by following this woke slugrake on Facebook. See, it’s all a huge conspiracy. The FDA requires companies like Ocean Spray to put their ingredients on the label. But as long as they TELL YOU that they’re poisoning you, they can continue to murder people at will. And despite the fact that Nicole Cole has enjoyed and consumed many gallons of the “bomb ass Ocean Spray” she has somehow managed to stay alive. Probably because she’s been drinking that woke sauce like it’s going out of business.

Just in case you are interested in learning, this is why you should probably not listen to this chick, because we need potassium:

This is what happens if you have low potassium:

This is what potassium does for you:

And this is what happens when you have too much potassium:

The sad part about this is, a post like this can actually influence people. She’s going at it with people who actually know what they’re talking about, and tons of people are hitting the like button every time she does;

On second take, it looks like more people are hitting the laugh or crying button every time she posts. I feel better about society already. I loved this comment from her:

“Very UNHEALTHY IF TOO MUCH INTAKE IS CONSUMED.”

Oh, you mean like……everything? Ya know what else will kill you? Too much water, sugar, salt, and pretty much every kind of food and beverage that has ever existed. It’s something called, “moderation.” But by all means, stop consuming potassium altogether and let me know how that goes. After all, you’ve got the world figured out and I’m just sitting here killing myself with Goldfish and Cheese-Its. Not that I wouldn’t be inclined to take advice on food and science from a bootleg Instagram model who calls herself, “Ditsy Brown Suga”:

Oh good, she reproduced. Luckily her kids will not grow up with any potassium in their diets either, because unlike my kids, their mother is woke. And I know I like to take my nutritional advice from basic bitch grown women who still use the dog filter.

The smartest thing this chick ever did was use her newfound Internet fame to drive people to her bootleg IG page so they can look at her bootleg modeling pictures:

Once you’re there you can link to her “store” where she sells her “Bad Kitty Clothing” line, featuring the “It’s your loss, baby” crop top tee:

Or the “I have no tits” crop top:

Or the “roll your weed on my ass” $8 underpants:

Or the Netflix and Chill underpants:

And I’m sure she consulted with Netflix before using their brand to sell her soiled underpants.

And just like Sarah Burke the webcam mom, it’s mostly just perverted dudes named Rozkoe Kotrain telling her how bad they wanna Netflix and Chill with her on her Facebook page:

 

 

This chick is going places!! But mostly the hospital if she continues her potassium boycott.

 

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14 Comment(s)
  • KimberlyS
    KJDS
    May 23, 2017 at 4:57 pm

    Next week on Nicole Cole’s ‘Facebook Revelations’:

    “I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger… Then it hit me.”

  • itsjustme
    Itsjustme
    May 23, 2017 at 12:55 pm

    I take potassium daily because mine is too low, now my doctor is even trying to kill me.

  • Sterling Turtle Rider
    May 23, 2017 at 1:23 am

    Don’t tell her that pure oxygen kills too… she’ll have to hold her breath until she dies

  • Lt Dan
    May 22, 2017 at 4:03 pm

    Small tits age better than big tits. Let’s be honest

    • esad
      May 22, 2017 at 8:30 pm

      sure thing pedo

  • ElJefe72
    ElJefe72
    May 22, 2017 at 2:56 pm

    Sigh…

  • Nick
    May 22, 2017 at 2:55 pm

    More than nine out of ten people don’t get enough of potassium. Besides that, she obviously is overdosing on gov. assistance and is deficient in work.

  • Bill Nye
    May 22, 2017 at 2:47 pm

    1000 to 1 this fool believes the earth is flat too..

  • Turd Burglestein
    May 22, 2017 at 2:27 pm

    Someone needs to tell her about how they’re also trying to kill people with dihydrogen monoxide. The gov’t is literally piping it into her house and making her pay for it.

    • Stu Pidazzo
      May 23, 2017 at 6:04 am

      Dihydrogen monoxide has been found in every murder victim ever! Dangerous stuff! 🙂

      • Talisman
        May 23, 2017 at 7:42 am

        It’s the most diabolical molecule ever created and must be banned. Hydrogen is what they make atom bombs from, so dihydrogen is twice as bad and will make a really big bomb.
        Oxygen is also highly combustible and makes iron rust. Too much in your system will cause the iron in your blood to get all, like, flakey and, like, brown, and clog up your veins.
        Avoid these substances, especially when they are combined, bad juju.

  • May 22, 2017 at 2:22 pm

    without potassium(chloride)your heart would stop beating;Potassium is a basis for a lot of chemicals,no doubt,potassium cyanide is but one of them! so is potassium chloride,potassium permanganate,potassium chloride,potassium hydroxide etc.-either this girl should have listened in school,hasn’t finished school,needs to go back to school;anyhow she reveals her ignorance,sadly

  • Olde Salt
    May 22, 2017 at 2:09 pm

    I think, as a public service, someone needs to let Ni Colecole know about the dangers of sodium, as well. While potassium will kill you in volume, potassium explodes violently when it come in contact with water. The Gubbermint has been warning us about the dangers of sodium for years. Removing sodium from school lunches was Michele Obama’s main focus as First Lady. And yet, sodium remains in our food! Must be sprayed on it? When I go to the beach or boating, I must admit I enjoy the “sodium spray” . . .

    • Olde Salt
      May 22, 2017 at 3:48 pm

      *Note that it is sodium that explodes when in contact with water. Mea culpa. You’re a smart bunch- you knew what I meant.

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