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Cindy’s Ice Cream in Granby is a 50’s style ice cream and food joint that plays doo-wop, is known for its hot dogs and vast array of ice cream, and represents good clean American fun.

But they did have one review on their page this week that seemed out of place.

A recent video filmed there? Unmentionable things happening on the counter? There had to be a backstory to this, and boy was there ever.

These are rapper buddies TI and Troy Ave.

They’re BFFLs.

Two years ago at a TI concert in New York Troy Ave may or may not have shot 4 or 5 people at a VIP only section, leaving his bodyguard dead, and him facing attempted murder charges.

Then of course in a totally original rapper rite of passage, Troy Ave got shot in a car 7 months later.

Well, Troy Ave is all better now and although he’s still facing charges that’s not stopping him from making more rap videos. And obviously a New York rapper’s first inclination when trying to find a place to film some bootylicious beats is Granby, Massachusetts, where Troy Ave allegedly paid Cindy’s Ice Cream $5,000 to shoot his new smash hit “Ice Cream” there.

“Can’t do business with no suit.”

“Cookedy-dough”

“My jury costs a list a hundred benz”

“I’m facing 20 years in jail.”

Only in rap music can an artist glamorize rotting in a cell for 20 years while eating mint chocolate chip and drinking Hennessy milkshakes. I can’t lie, I’m not really a hip hop chick, but I kind of love that song and I hope Uncle Turtleboy uses it as the intro song to live Sunday night. That gentleman certainly likes his sprinkles.

Almost as much as he likes soft serve and big booty ho’s, which totally isn’t a cliche.

Looks like they’re gonna have to add a couple new flavors for next spring – Caboose Tracks and Chocolate Lip Cookie Ho’s. I don’t even wanna think what would happen if they got into the banana splits. Oh dear!

In fairness, Cindy’s did warn customers ahead of time about the extra thick shakes.

Question #1 – How do you become a big booty backup dancer? Is there a tryout where you put on a g-string and see how high you can lift up your ass cheeks?

Question #2 – Why Granby? How the hell did he even find this place? No one ever goes to Granby. It’s a shortcut from Belchertown to South Hadley, which pretty much 99.99% of the Western MA population will never have a reason to do. Yet here is Troy Ave, desecrating a well known family establishment with ghetto snail trail.

I hope the $5,000 was worth it though. One minute you’re this:

And the next minute you’re on Turtleboy for this.

I guess Turtleboy’s the only one not selling out these days.