Hoodrat Heroes

Fitchburg Couple Just Won The Fourth Of July

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A while back we showed you a happy couple at a New England Patriots game, we deemed the greatest couple of all time, due to their hilarious sense of humor.

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Well, this weekend at the Fourth of July Parade in Fitchburg, we saw two, young, lovestruck Fithburgians who might’ve stolen their crown:

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Best. Couple. Ever.

I mean, all couples fight, but at least these two have a sense of humor about it. I mean, this picture couldn’t be any more perfect. Look at her fantastic disgruntled face, and the the smiling face of “I don’t give a fuck because after 50 years of marriage I’m used to it” on him.

And honestly, this guy has more style than any 70+ person I’ve ever seen. Boat shoes and sweatpants are such an underrated look. The guy looks like he’s ready to run a 5K and his teeth are in a lot better shape than 99% of Fitchburg residents, which explains why his wife is still with him despite the fact that he’s a dickhead.

I wish I could’ve been a fly in the room when they decided to make these shirts, because I can’t imagine a situation in which Mrs. Turtleboy would be down for this. I mean, I would have no problem with it, but convincing the wife is a whole other story. I’m guessing he was just sitting around ripping ass and giving zero fucks, so she called him a dickhead. Then he called her a bitch, and the two of them said at the same time “Let’s make t-shirts!!!” Genius.

Move over American Gothic, you’ve just been surpassed as America’s greatest work of art.

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13 Comment(s)
  • strata
    July 8, 2015 at 11:51 am

    Kind of sad commentary on our society where many find this funny & acceptable. I love witty humor, and am certainly not a prude, but parading around the streets with those shirts is not funny, witty or cutting edge. It’s sad.

    I’ll bet it was probably their Kids (or grandkids) that got them the shirts and of course they must proudly display the vulgarity for a laugh. Sad really. Does our society need to be more liberal or conservative? (you know the answer)

    • StickinToMyOpinion
      July 8, 2015 at 12:30 pm

      Well, given that TBS attracts primarily those with a Conservative bent, and given that the vast majority Turtles commenting here think these t-shirts are the bees knees, I’d say your attempt to paint vulgarity as somehow a uniquely Liberal trait is a complete ‘fail’. But thanks for playing, fuckhead.

      • Kim
        July 15, 2015 at 10:45 pm

        These are my parents and for your information they bought those shirts themselves. They actually have a sense of humor something that obviously you do not. They love their shirts and get a ton of pics taken of them someone I know who did not know they were my parents took a pick and they were in the parade nd when he found out they were my parents he said they made them laugh and loved their shirts. They wear them to make people laugh. And if you do not like it oh well do not look at them . At least they are having fun in their older years and are not boring oldfarts. I love them they are my parents and I am proud to admit it . Get a life and never mind judging them

    • Kim
      July 15, 2015 at 10:45 pm

      These are my parents and for your information they bought those shirts themselves. They actually have a sense of humor something that obviously you do not. They love their shirts and get a ton of pics taken of them someone I know who did not know they were my parents took a pick and they were in the parade nd when he found out they were my parents he said they made them laugh and loved their shirts. They wear them to make people laugh. And if you do not like it oh well do not look at them . At least they are having fun in their older years and are not boring oldfarts. I love them they are my parents and I am proud to admit it . Get a life and never mind judging them

  • Jenn
    July 6, 2015 at 10:33 am

    Best couple shirts!
    Sorry but his teeth…he has dentures, and no bottom ones. …

  • Well Hung
    July 6, 2015 at 8:24 am

    Quite the degree of penis envy being expressed by the Turtles here. Feelings of inadequacy are a common characteristic of bullies.

  • BobnMic
    July 5, 2015 at 10:16 pm

    1. I can sometimes relate to that guy and

    2. Does he have a geriatric boner with blue pill assistance?

  • Kim
    July 5, 2015 at 6:57 pm

    These are my parents

  • Jack
    ChuskUSA
    July 5, 2015 at 6:53 pm

    The photo is the best I’ve seen in a long time. The Patriots couple photo, is lame in comparison. Excellent find !

  • oneopinion
    hanginpossum
    July 5, 2015 at 12:26 pm

    Those sweatpants confirm what the old lady’s shirt says.

    • The Things You Learn About People
      July 5, 2015 at 6:45 pm

      That’s quite a fixation you have.

  • StickinToMyOpinion
    July 5, 2015 at 12:15 pm

    Actually, Mrs. TB told me she’d have no problem wearing the “I’m With Dickehead” t-shirt, so that’s not the sticking point.

    • Baldino's Parents Were Siblings!
      July 5, 2015 at 2:20 pm

      Oh Baldino, what a good little troll. You’ll never win, you’re destined to being a loser. Everyone knows TBS is my favorite site, as well as knowing you are putty in my hands. I will mold you into whatever screen name that I command you to be.

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