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If you’re reading Turtleboy Sports but you’re not checking out the Facebook page, you’re missing the best part. When we publish an article and share it on the page it brings some of the more hilarious commentary you’ll ever see. And honestly, some of the turtle riders have almost become bigger than the blog itself. No turtle rider is more infamous on the Facebook page at this point than a man named Bret Killoran. He’s rude, crude, uncensored, and 100% politically incorrect. His comments often start out very insightful, polite, and respectful. But once he keeps going it turns out some of the most unique and hilarious insults you’ve ever seen.
We’ve seen countless people leave comments like “I can’t wait until Bret chimes in on this.” So we figured, we should have a weekly “Five Questions with Bret” blog, which we’ll do every Sunday to recap the week in Turtleboy Sports. Every week Turtleboy will ask Bret three questions that we came up with, and two bonus questions submitted by turtle riders. Because this is the first installation we’ll ask all of five this time, but next Sunday we’ll pick two other submissions. Here’s the first installation of “Five Questions With Bret.”
Disclaimer: Turtleboy Sports is a family feminist blog. If you are not into debauchery and grotesque X-rated name calling, then Five Questions With Bret might not be for you. Bret’s thoughts on life are his and do not necessarily reflect those of Turtleboy Sports.
1. It was recently revealed that Keely Mullen, the woman who embarrassed herself on the Neil Cavuto show as the face of the “free college” movement, goes to Northeastern and has a millionaire “trans-femine,” “gender-mobile” father. What do you think of this girl?
This chick has that “deer in the headlights” look to me, like “dumb as a fuckin used condom on a salad” look… I think she has been put up to this by her DadyKardashian walking atm machine. If not, then she must have sucked&swallowed her way through the chess team to still be at school..total fuckin cockfarm….
2. Do you think the girl who told Worcester gangsters to “kill Donald Trump” on Twitter do you think she should’ve been fired from her job?
I get 30 day bans for creative ways to say “mouth”,,,and this fuckin slugcunt says to kill a presidential candidate with ZERO repercussions?!?! How the fuckin fuck does THAT Bullshittery work? Not only should this twat be fired , but she should be beaten to a pulp by some Of the castoffs from those model reality shows.. “aspiring model & actress” on her job profile,,,, aspiring cum guzzling dumpsterslut is more accurate,, she’s gunna end up in a GetDownProductions video getting rotisseried by 2 wiggers.. fuckin sackswallower.
3. David Prouty students protested peacefully in the gym this week after tons of their extracurriculars were cut and the school is underfunded by the superintendent. What do you think of the way these kids protested when compared to the hippies who blocked Kelley Square and I-93?
Did you see the nice hardwood floors and flatscreen tv’s in the superintendicks new room? These kids saw they are getting no-lube fucked by the people who are SUPPOSED to be charged with the educational and developmental growth of our youth…. They voiced their concerns, basically got brushed off, and decided to protest, the RIGHT way… Unlike the KellyCunts, these kids didn’t fuck up anyone’s day, didn’t stop hardworking people from going about their businesses, they sat down in the gym (the unfunded physical education area) and DID FUCKING HOMEWORK!!!! The KellySquareKunts did nothing but fuck up people’s lives, for something over 1,000 miles away, for personal gain..period These kids are fighting for something that they got stolen from them, KellysZeros steal from all of us….. Kids>KS4.
4. Three times protesters were kicked out of the Donald Trump rally. What do you think of these protesters, and what do you think of Trump?
I saw all the “lets get tickets and not go, or go and heckle Trump” fucktardery all over Twitter and Facebook, and it looked like a bunch of 16 yr old girls that got fingerfucked and dumped and are trying to get the guy back… The fuckin walking papsmears that got thrown out of the Trump rally are beyond pathetic, and not for nothing, but when you let a guy that is a failed fucking BOMBER do your talking for you, it may be time to shut your polepollisher and call it a fuckin day… As far as Trump goes, I love the “fuck you I’ll say it” mentality (who’d a thunk I’d like that huh?) and think he has great ideas, and he’s a businessman, but don’t know if he can or should win that nice White House…. Ego is a muthafucka, and can kill,,,,all of us… He’s fuckin great to listen to and watch, and I like the looks on people faces when he says outlandish shit, but I don’t know if he can win…. Looking at Hillacunt or Trump as the choices, I’d have to go Trump because I don’t trust that other bitch as far as I can throw RBG.. Either way , it’s going to be a fun ride till that pussy taking up space gets evicted and someone gets that 4yr lease…
5. Mosaic got another check for $30,000 this week, despite being under investigation. Do you think we should keep writing these people checks? Are they doing a lot of good things for the community?
What Fuckn good does that shitshow den of thieves Mosaic ACTUALLY DO?!
No one fuckin knows!!! A few blood pressure checks a month? Keeping RBGunt away from buffets so others can eat whiles he’s busy fuckin knitting and playing dominoes?!
Fuck that, gimme $1,500 a month and I’ll do every Turtleboy Riders BP and throw in a fuckin beer… Those fuckin parasitic pocketpussys can go suck a bag of rotting dogdicks and fuck right the fuck off…
And no, we shouldn’t let these cockfart cumcollectors get another dime, and put the money they WOULD get into our police force whose out there every fuckin day risking their lives so we can get home after work, even though they might not…… #fuckyouisaidit
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Lmfao! I didn’t even see the pic of him w the slayer shirt until after I wrote that. Brett should just get his own page and his own followers. He’s not helping TBS. Good thing this is “yesterdays” news.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who is all set w Brett. I’ve always skipped right over anything he writes. Hes not unique or different. He is like your typical Burncoat High graduate, circa 1989. “When’s the next unoffical reunion guys? Bennys!! Ok..I’ll save the date and break out the new Slayer shirt i got at target!” I bet he dispises the fact that he got old and is now middle aged. Can you say- Legend in his own mind?
But apparently-TBS and the rest of the the ass hat Bret followers love his use the c-word and the awesome way he makes the metal sign on the internet! Ohhhh Brett- throw the metal sign up and come up w a derogatory term for my mouth! I get all wet and want to marry you!!!! I cant wait until you do it again and again and again. Gtfoh
Facebook and the blog itself are two different animals.
I’m sure he said “wigger” and not nigger turtle boy, thanksfor showing us who yor really trying to appeal to when writing blogs people like Brett are 90% of your fan base
You make assumptions and ignore 90% of the replies.
Hopefully this fool will be a one time wonder on here.
What were you thinking TBS?
Love Turtle Boy, Hate this garbage!! I agree with others not sure if your advertisers will be impressed.
doesn’t work for me. at all. guy sounds like he should be drooling into his cup on a corner somewhere
Big thumbs down on this one Turtleboy. Despite your disclaimer, this is unacceptable if you truly want your blog to be family and feminist friendly. Bret needs to grow up just a tad. With that being said, I would hope that you refrain from future blogs with this adolescence-delayed foul mouthed idiot who really has nothing to say other than spew adjectives demeaning to women. This blog was not the usual thought provoking article your fans , and, I suspect, your detractors, look forward to reading.
TB, don’t do this Bret blog again. It’s dumb, rude, and I really don’t care what he thinks. I do enjoy this site and your hot takes, but not this.
While there is a humor factor to some of his rantings, leave it on facebook. No here.
I don’t think he should be show cased on this blog. his rants don’t contribute anything and he is like that 6th grader who just learned some swear words. Facebook may be OK for him, but I would keep him off the blog. it could cost you advertisers.
I don’t think he contributes any thing constructive either
I think the guy is derogatory toward women with all of his anatomical slurs. Doesn’t matter if he is talking about women or not. Even if the comment has to do with males, he never ceases to use derogatory comments about or pertaining to women. Complete asshole if you ask me, and TBS highlighting his “assholery” just makes TBS look ANYTHING but feminist. Makes me wonder why he is so hateful toward women. Perhaps because they never gave the scuzzy looking idiot the time of day.
Another upvote for Just Being Honest. This blog was WAY below TB usual standards.
I have to agree with Just Being Honest. This is just more fodder for your critics.
This kind of shit is exactly why I stay off the TBS Facebook.
A+ Bret. Speaking the truth.
Re: My money going to Mosaic – or any other private entity : WHY? and who else is on my dole? I always thought tax money went to PUBLIC agencies. How the hell does ANY private agency get $?
Big TB fan, but the difference between Bret’s comments in the Facebook comments section vs. publishing them in a blog is that the advertisers don’t advertise in the Facebook comments section. They advertise on the website. I won’t be surprised if some of the advertisers change their mind if this continues.