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Florida: One Woman’s Fart Starts Huge Brawl At Sloppy Joe’s Bar

 

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BreitbartOne of the most popular bars in Key West, Florida, erupted in a brawl, police say, because one couple took offense over another patron’s farting. According to the Miami HeraldFlorida police reveal the fight took place last Friday “due to someone farting” at a Sloppy Joe’s restaurant and bar. The report stated that Naples, Florida, residents Richard McBride, 53, and girlfriend Sandra Stoner, 55, joined in an argument with an unidentified couple “over a fart.”

The Naples couple said that they took offense and began a war of words with the other couple with Stoner confronting them in “an aggressive manner.” Key West Officer Igor Kasyanenko confirms that surveillance video shows Stoner getting out of her seat to confront the unknown woman by “getting in her face in what appeared to me as an aggressive manner.”Apparently the unidentified woman began to tussle with Stoner, causing McBride to enter the fight to shove the woman away. After he pushed the woman, the man punched McBride in the face, the report says. McBride admits he then tackled the man, sending both of them tumbling to the ground.

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This is why concealed carry is so important. If someone in that restaurant had a can of Febreze this all could’ve been avoided. The only way to stop a bad guy with full stomach, is a good guy with an odor neutralizer.

This might be the most Florida story of all time. First of all, only in Florida could the most popular restaurant in town be named “Sloppy Joe’s.”

Secondly, how is your last name gonna be Stoner, and y0u’re that un-chill?

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Thirdly, what’s the big deal? When a woman rips ass at the Blarney Stone this is what is known as a “Blarney mating call.” Act like you’ve been there before.

Fourthly, Florida has to have the highest concentration of morbidly obese individuals on earth. I’ve never seen so many IHOP’s and Grand Corral buffets in one area. So yea, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that ripping ass in public is hardly out of the ordinary. If you don’t want people farting in front of you at Sloppy Joe’s, then don’t move to Florida. There’s plenty of room in Vermont. They never fart there. It’s a scientific fact.

Oh yea, and how do we know that Sandra Stoner wasn’t the one who farted? I mean, she started the whole fight didn’t she? Hmmmm. I seem to remember a certain Golden Rule that a lot of people are overlooking – whoever smelt it, dealt it. Also studies have shown that whoever denied it, supplied it. These are just simple facts. Clearly Sandra Stoner felt guilty that she filled up Sloppy Joe’s like dutch oven, and instead of owning it she blamed the toxic fumes on someone else.

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And what kind of reporting is this by Breitbart? How bad was the fart? What did it taste like? Was it a silent but deadly sneak attack? Or was it just outright flatulence? These are the questions the people have a right to know.

 

The bottom line is the only way to fight back when someone rips ass at the table next to you, is to rip ass right back. Two can play that game.

 

 

 

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9 Comment(s)
  • Joseph Schmo
    June 18, 2016 at 6:12 am

    There is definitely sumthin’ smelly about this story! Good thing there wasn’t a lit candle nearby!!

  • ItsAllABadDream
    June 17, 2016 at 5:38 pm

    OK, in all honesty I’ve been pissed at TBS all week because of the annoying popups when I view on my iPhone. It’s almost unreadable with all the browser crashes and app store windows opening…I was contemplating a firey email over the weekend. But this article settled me down and made me laugh my ass off 🙂 All is forgiven Turtleboy!

  • Dom
    June 17, 2016 at 1:20 pm

    Funny story … While it did happen in FL, i could see it happening in MA. Can’t deny that Massachusetts has its share of liquored up quick tempers. People from New England also make up 10% of the Florida population (8% NY, 4% PA). Massachusetts has a restaurant named Pu Pu Hot Pot in Cambridge. Another named Poopsies in Pembroke. Also Florida has the 8th LOWEST obesity rates (by state).

  • BobnMic
    June 17, 2016 at 12:28 pm

    I was always lead to believe that women don’t fart, they don’t poop, they go ffffoop….

    • BobnMic
      June 18, 2016 at 1:46 am

      Awe come on’ you know it’s true. quief fffffffffoops. They are so adorable. Then the girls say, “ewe – must be some bad cheese in here.”

      And of course they blame it on the nearest guy.

      • BobnMic
        June 18, 2016 at 1:57 am

        This is why I am voting for Donald Trump. It is because of women farting…

  • Tudor turtle
    June 17, 2016 at 12:16 pm

    I wonder if Hillary Clinton is going to fart during the presidential debate, and what Donald trump’s reaction would be? ? ?

  • KimberlyS
    KJDS
    June 17, 2016 at 11:27 am

    This country has lost its collective mind.

  • KM
    June 17, 2016 at 11:19 am

    At a place called “Sloppy Joes” it must a pretty wet & muddy fart too.

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