If you’re into college football then you know by now that Jameis Winston is a giant asshole. Or as Roger Goodell would call him, “NFL material.” He’s been accused of stealing crab legs, pilfering fountain soda sprite, and…..what was that other thing? Oh yea – rape.
So you would think that going into what will most likely be his final season in college before departing for the NFL that he’d try to keep a low profile.
Nope. Not Jameis. Jameis decided he would stand up in front of the student union and yell, “Fuck her right in the pussy” instead.
Yea, bad timing genius. When everyone knows that you pretty much got away with raping a girl because you’re a Heisman trophy winner, and when the NFL can’t go 24 hours without one of their employees beating the shit out of his baby momma, this would be a really, really bad time to yell “fuck her right in the pussy” in the middle of campus.
Now everyone knows that college football is really just professional football with basket weaving classes thrown in. But Jimbo Fisher had to make it at least look like he gave a shit, what with everyone watching to see how he would discipline his star player. In what was probably the most predictable move in the history of the world, he got the Johnny Rookie Bitch half a game suspension. Because realistically the Seminoles could keep it close with Clemson for a half and then kick their ass when Jameis came in.
But apparently Jimbo and company missed the memo about how outraged people were when Ray Rice only got a two game, weak sauce suspension for domestic abuse. And just like the NFL he decided to “do the right thing” and suspend him for a WHOLE game instead. I’m sure this had NOTHING to do with the fact that people pointed out how bullshit this “suspension” was. I’m SURE Jimbo did it because it was the right thing to do. Definitely.
Poor Jimbo. Imagine trying to do his job? You’re hired to win football games. You got the best recruits in the country, just like the fans wanted you to do. Your quarterback is an unstoppable force of nature….who can’t stop fucking up. He is a magnet for debauchery. I mean, how do you think Jimbo reacted when he found out about the crab legs? Does Jameis realize how many crab legs Jimbo would’ve bought for him if he wanted crab legs?
Then imagine how he felt when he found out his rapey quarterback yelled, “fuck her right in the pussy” in broad daylight. Here he is trying to game plan, recruit, and defend his national championship, and – BOOM – Jameis pulls another boner. Putting out fires left and right.
Well, somehow tonight Jameis has managed to find a way to make Jimbo’s job even harder. Despite being suspended for the whole game, Jameis thought he would go ahead, get dressed, and warm up anyway. He apparently thinks “suspended” means you get a stern talking to from Bobby Bowden:
I think Jimbo’s head was about to explode there. His body language was priceless. Nothing says, “This mother fucker….” quite like this:
Jameis Wiston is like a retarded version of Johnny Rookie Bitch. Dumbest mother fucker to ever play college football. And that’s quite an accomplishment. You want women? Jimbo will get you women. No need to get all rapey. You want fountain soda? Jimbo will install a fountain machine in your luxury off campus apartment. You don’t wanna go to class? That’s never, ever been a problem for any athlete at Florida State. All you gotta do is not yell “fuck her right in the pussy” in the middle of campus on a Tuesday.
Sure, he could have ALL those things AND still play against Clemson. But where’s the fun in that? Why have girls handed to you by a booster when you can force yourself on some strange girl who doesn’t love you? Why keep your mouth shut when you can draw negative attention to yourself? Why serve the suspension that everyone in the country knows you have to serve when you can get dressed and act like you’re playing in the game?
I for one can’t wait until the next Jameis Winston fuck up. The guy is just so stupid that anything is possible. He will literally disregard all advice he gets from the people around him who are paid to babysit him to make sure he doesn’t fuck up. But he’ll still find a way to do it. Because he’s Jameis Winston. God bless you Jameis. Never, ever change.
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