Hoodrat Heroes

Gardner Gastrochunk Makes Up Story About Her 6 Year Old With Missing Vowel Nearly Getting Abducted At Bus Stop, Despite Obvious Holes Gets Over 500 Facebook Shares 

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Here’s your viral “my kid almost got kidnapped” story of the week out of Gardner……

The only crime I can see committed was that she spelt her kid’s name Johnathyn. Because, fuck a vowel.

This post has been shared over 500 times because that’s what people do nowadays when some pajama raptor shares an unconfirmed story about their spawn almost getting snatched on the way to school. But they failed to look at perhaps the most obvious contradiction of all time.

Part 1:  As he was walking he told me that a man was standing in the woods along the main street smoking a cigarette and started talking to him.

Part 2: He said the man had a soda and offered him one and tried to get him into his car to get it. The man even opened the door and reached for Johnathyn as if trying to pull him into his car.

So one minute there’s a dude standing in the woods, smoking a cigarette, when he starts talking to the kid.

A minute later this man magically has a soda, and is now inside a car, reaches over and tries to drag poor Johnathyn into the vehicle with him.

They’re not even trying anymore.

I’ve been to the Village before. Real dump. It’s just one hill, and the ratchets live at the top of it. There are no trees or turns to obstruct her view. If she was waddling down the hill, and she saw the bus leaving, there is no possible way any of this could’ve happened without her seeing it. Add to the fact that there would have to be a weird guy aimlessly hiding in the bushes, hoping to find a child by himself, and you have one of the most obvious lies of all time.

But of course it was shared 500 times anyway to various Mom groups because there’s nothing Moms on Facebook like to do more than freak out over some bullshit.

Thoughts and prayers!!

Meanwhile her sister is pissy because the school and police department aren’t joining their freakout fest…..


“My sister was literally told that she shouldn’t have said anything or posted to FB that this situation happened.”

Translation – they knew it was bullshit the moment they heard it too and asked her to cut the shit. She of course ignored them because people like her climax when they hit 100 likes and 500 shares.

These people are so fucked up. They don’t get enough attention on their own so they feel the need to compensate by using their crotch critters as sympathy bait, and in the meantime they get a bunch of Moms all hot and bothered and on the lookout for the pedo who’s trying to snatch their kids. Stop using your kids as props for Facebook likes.

20 Comment(s)
  • Schutzstaffel
    November 10, 2018 at 3:12 pm

    What I got from that story is that she has a 6 year old kid but she works at an internship, so we’re paying to raise her son.

    Surprise, she’s Hispanic. This of course is the situation whenever a new Spic rolls out the pink taco of a bloated welfare tick.

    If we’re going to pay for raising her kid, then we have a right to talk about how her fat ass is raising him.

    Our collective suggestion is to stop spitting out puppies until you have a job that makes reasonable income, you fucking fat government parasite.

    • JJ@AOL.COM
      November 10, 2018 at 4:37 pm

      I 100% emoji, fire emoji, knuckle sandwich emoji agree with you! Fakkss yo Fakkss!

  • Judge dread
    November 10, 2018 at 2:27 pm

    What kinda six year old mentions a metal cigarette? What kind of 6 year old even know what smoking or a cigarette is?

    And then they’re the two bitches virtue signaling saying they got anxiety from this. Listen you twats if you get anxiety from reading a fake Facebook post and then share it to your other anxiety ridden victim retard slut whore friends then here’s what you should do. Take 8mg of Xanax and drink a couple of martinis, put your sleep mask on, turn on real housives, and spend the next 2 days in bed to “recover”. Dump the kid with grandma you fuck.

    Every single person involved is a fucking loser. I think how the cops told her to Go fuck herself.

    • Danny Boy
      November 12, 2018 at 7:07 am

      So there is a school that let’s a six year old kid off the bus without a parent/guardian/family member there??
      Is this only in ratchet land or is this new????

  • Barry
    November 10, 2018 at 9:48 am

    I thought that the photo of the mom with glasses was an overweight 6 year old boy. If it weren’t for the eyebrow piercing I never would have figured it out. There’s nothing funny about children being abducted but after seeing the picture and thinking that it was the kid it made sense that a kidnapper would offer soda rather than a kitten or a puppy.

  • Manin Woods
    November 10, 2018 at 5:51 am

    …to which the Police responded? I assume her first Obaman phone call was to the Police, right? Or did she want to avoid being called a snitch, which is far worse than a corn-holed Johnathan? It’s just another case of Cackling Hens in Cloaca clucking, the lot of them running around with their heads lopped off.

  • Don't Be A Lickspittle
    November 10, 2018 at 12:08 am

    “Drinking a soda.” The most obvious of the lies. Any self respecting white, salt & pepper bearded perv with a vape would clearly have been enjoying Natty Lite.

  • What's Wrong With a Normal Name
    November 9, 2018 at 10:46 pm


    • Public defender
      November 10, 2018 at 12:47 pm

      They do this to make it easier to create aliases, and claims of mistaken identity and technicalities due to the fact that it will often be misspelled. It actually works.

      • Jenna Tull
        November 11, 2018 at 3:34 pm

        ..these people have that kind of foresight??

  • Crispy C
    November 9, 2018 at 10:42 pm

    My God this girl is a gross sack of lard. Who the fuck would ever put their dick in that?!

    We need Trump to make a new ICE-like government agency like he did with the Space Force and have them go around and find these ratchets and fucking sterilize them.

  • Kevin
    November 9, 2018 at 10:03 pm

    I find it funny that the writer of this article states that people with stories such as these are simply sharing it for likes but yet here’s a coward that doesn’t even have the balls to show his face and criticizes someone’s situation as if he/she were there or did the investigation themselves. It’s oathetic that some half ass “journalist” is sitting there trying to get a rise out of potential readers as he scrolls through various Facebook profiles, stealing photos of the people, their families, etc just to obtain a story of something he/she knows nothing of. He/she speaks of inconsustencies as if they are aware of the situation or have the slightest education in psychology, criminal investigation, or any of the sort. You’re nothing more than some fuck with an opinion, probably hasn’t contributed anything significant to the world or even his/her pathetic life that instead they’d rather defame someone on social media simply because someone decided to put out a potential warning of a possible threat. As a fellow parent, I’d rather be informed than uninformed. This ladies and gentlemen is a pathetic attempt to get shares and likes by trying to capitalize off someone else. The author of this article is nothing more than a coward because if you have balls to speak your mind be man/woman enough to say it to the faces of the people you write about or I don’t know be a journalist if that’s what you’re trying to do and do proper field work, research, speak with the person. Instead you’ll write half ass shit because you couldn’t make it into real journalism.

    • JJ@aol.com
      November 10, 2018 at 1:21 am

      Hey Kevin, why dont you just shut the fuck up and eat a bag of salty dicks, ya fucking moron. Anyone with half a brain understands why they dont use their real names. But hey I’ll let you in on a little secret. They dont use their real names because of psycho ass hats like you. Now go slit your wrists and jump in a lake you fucking waste of life!

      • LuLu
        November 10, 2018 at 1:30 am

        I think you need a hug J.J.
        That is some serious hostile language that you shared with everyone. I can tell it doesn’t take much to make you “go off prematurely 😉

        • JJ@AOL.COM
          November 10, 2018 at 10:39 am

          Nope, no hug needed. It’s not going off it speaking the truth. It’s not being hostile either (see truth above). Also, you probably shouldn’t speak for other people. No one else has any problem with me, my comments or the way I write things! Actually to think about it, when I do comment it seems everyone agree’ with me. The ones that don’t are the ones that are butt hurt they became turtle boy famous or one of their but hut friends trying to stick up for them.

          I’m actually very laid back and down to earth. It takes alot to get to me really. That being said, when you hear the same retarded shit happening day in and day out by these scabs. It does begin too get to be too much!

          It’s funny how you call me hostile though. Did you not read that angry ass hats comment? Or did you just single me out because you do not have the intelligence to read everything? I’ve been a turtle rider since before they even started blogging about wack jobs like you. I’ve never met them some of them I agree with some of them I don’t. Either way I’m not going to let someone sit there and bash them because they can not have the intelligence to realize why they don’t use their real names. Most of them are woman as well. You think it would be safe for them to use their real names with all of these crazy liberals running around. Yeah that just what they need. A bunch of zombies that don’t share the same beliefs as them, kicking down their doors to hurt them or their families. Yeah seems like a wonderful idea.

          Why are some people just so dumb. I really dont get it.

          Save that hug for one of your liberal sjw friends. Lord knows they are the one who needs it.

          You want to hug me lol. I bet you’re the type to sleep with a dude then turn around and cry rape because he ghosted you after. I’m good.

          P.s. the only one who was hostile here was you. Think about it, I’m not going to explain it. Have the intellect and use your own brain or lack there of to figure it out.

          Have a wonderful day!

    • Safety of anonymity
      November 10, 2018 at 9:32 am

      When’s your book coming out? Will it be a murder mystery? Oh, that’s right, everyone already knows that the weapon was a golf club and you’re the killer.

    • Borat
      November 10, 2018 at 9:53 am

      You will never get this! You will never get this! La la la la la!

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    November 9, 2018 at 9:55 pm

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.

    There’s gotta be some desperate dudes out there to stick their dicks in that shit!

  • Maggie the Cat
    November 9, 2018 at 9:18 pm

    I am amazed at how many people make stupid comments on Facebook and other social media. I don’t think any of the people in this particular story have any chance at a decent job in the future, but it is always possible what when a potential employer looks for information on them, that employer will find these stupid comments and will decide not to hire them.

    I have two nephews who work in the high-tech field, and neither of them uses social media. They know it can damage reputations and cause life-long problems for people who make stupid comments.

    • JJ@AOL.COM
      November 10, 2018 at 10:57 am

      @Maggie the cat. Very smart nephews you have. I’m considered a millennial and I’ve never had any type of social media my self.

      @ Captain Trips, bro you know its gotta be some wetto! those dudes will fuck anything, even ones that look like 6 year old boys like this fucking ham beast . God, could you imagine the stench of that thing just standing next to it, let alone when it takes its pants off? Faakkiinnn nasty. Yeah definitely a wetto who banged her after a night at club leido.

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