Germany Firefighters Rescue American Exchange Student Stuck In Giant Stone Vagina

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Turtleboy has gone mainstream. Check out our blogs for WEEI.COM’s Dennis & Callahan’s Producer’s Blog.


As you all know I am a 12 year old boy who rides a magical turtle in downtown Worcester. Some immature people have insinuated that I am pleasuring my turtle against their will, but these people need to grow up. I’m just a nice innocent boy who’s been riding this turtle for 108 years strong. At least I can explain my situation though. I found a statue that you simply cannot explain in Germany.

I wish I knew more about this story, but apparently there is a giant statue in Tübingen, Germany, of a giant vagina, and an American exchange student of course somehow managed to get stuck in it:


This poor guy just redefined what it means to study a-broad. So many questions need to be asked here. For starters, why does this college have a giant sculptured vagina? Also, why don’t American colleges have giant sculptured vaginas? Why doesn’t this giant stone vagina have a sign that says, “Please do not play inside the vagina”? How many other poor exchange students have gotten stuck in this giant vagina, and when are we going to pass sensible giant stone vagina control laws? Is this an all girl’s school? If not, where is the statue of the giant penis? And don’t tell me it’s being erected either!!

Look, I feel for this poor kid because this could’ve been any one of us. If you saw a giant stone vagina try to tell me with a straight face that you wouldn’t play inside of it. You can’t tell me that. If I see one of these things there is a 0.0% chance I don’t explore every crevice of it and take pictures with it that will immediately end up on Facebook.

What I’m guessing happened was this poor schmuck was looking for the closest bathroom and he asked a bunch of German kids where it was using his limited grasp of the German language. But these weren’t nice German boys. They decided to fuck with him, and instead of sending him to the toilet they sent him into the giant stone vagina trap.

Here’s the write up I found about it. If you are fluent in German I hope you get a good laugh out of it:

In Tübingen hat sich ein Student am Freitagnachmittag in einer Scheide aus Stein eingeklemmt. Die Feuerwehr musste ihn befreien. Aus Übermut, so die Feuerwehr, kletterte der Austauschstudent aus den USA in die Öffnung der „Steinernen Vulva“ – so heißt das Kunstwerk vor einem Tübinger Unigebäude.

Als er nach kurzer Zeit wieder raus wollte, ging nichts mehr: Seine Füße klemmten fest. Allein kam der Student aus der Scheide nicht mehr heraus. Auch die rund 15 Leute um ihn herum konnten ihm nicht helfen. In der Not riefen sie die Feuerwehr, die den US-Studenten mit mehreren Feuerwehrmännern aus dem Hohlraum der Skulptur hieven mussten. Verletzt wurde er bei seiner Kletteraktion nicht. Laut dem „Schwäbischen Tagblatt“ blieb auch die 120.000 Euro teure Skulptur heil.

Got that? I have no idea what this means but I hope the student was ribbed for the statue’s pleasure.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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1 Vote



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Turtleboy has gone mainstream. Check out our blogs for WEEI.COM’s Dennis & Callahan’s Producer’s Blog.






5 Comment(s)
  • Johanna Schreiber
    June 22, 2014 at 2:31 am

    Here is my translation of the article. Sorry for my bad english.

    “On Friday afternoon in Tübingen a student got stuck in a stone vagina. Firefighters had to free him. For pure amusement, so firefighters, the US exchange student climbed in the opening of the “stone vulva” – a work of art in front of a university building in Tübingen.

    The moment he wanted to get out shortly after entering the vagina, there was nothing he could do: His feet were stuck firmly. The student was not able to free himself. Neither were the 15 people standing around him. In order to help the unfortunate american they then proceeded to call the fire department, which had to free the student with several firefighters from the hole of the sculpture. Luckily he was uninjured. According to the “Schwäbischen Tagblatt” the 120,000 Euro sculpture was not damaged during the process.”

    • Joey G
      June 22, 2014 at 11:00 am

      That is amazing. Thank you for the translation… and 120,000 EUROS???? Seriously???

  • Joey G
    June 21, 2014 at 6:29 pm

    Do the firefighters really need to keep their helmets on for this job? I know that every school fire drill features firefighters who are just waiting for the day when they can chop down a door… but even they take their helmets off… even knowing that there is a small chance of a fire. Here, there is little chance that anyone will need head protection (insert comment here, Matt). Maybe they just couldn’t be seen laughing at the knucklehead stuck in der vaginacrevace so they had to look professional?

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